


Take my breath away

by Loreley90



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Established Maura Isles/Jane Rizzoli, F/F, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Maura Isles/Jane Rizzoli-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 56,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24040984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loreley90/pseuds/Loreley90
Summary: A Rizzoli & Isles fan fiction. This is the translation of my story, I am not a native English speaker so forgive me if you find any errors (and if you want to report it to me). After opening up to their love, something went wrong. A break from one of the two protagonists hides secrets that have not yet been revealed. Although many chapters have song titles, this is NOT a song fic: the songs just accompanied me in writing the different parts. It's my first fanfiction, I've read several of them, about different series and characters, but I wanted to try to do it. Obviously the comments are welcome (and also a bit hoped for) to give me ideas on how to proceed with the writing.
Relationships: Maura Isles & Jane Rizzoli, Maura Isles/Jane Rizzoli
Comments: 32
Kudos: 43





	1. Awakenings

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Take My Breath Away (IT)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23875399) by [Loreley90](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loreley90/pseuds/Loreley90). 



1, 2, 3. . . the hand always makes that precise number of attempts before it can find the phone. Usual blinded by a few seconds because of its light and then I finally get the time in focus. 6:15 am. Too early to wake up, but it's not a news anymore. I sleep less and less, and when I finally sleep is I don’t really rest, nightmares more and more frequent wake me up in panic and palpitations. The feeling that this bed is too big to be alone lies here with me. I decide to try to turn to the other side of bed and arrive at the time the alarm clock will tell me that the day has officially begun. 

Other check time: 6:22am. Like it's a different story now.

I get up, apathetic as always, like every morning since the smell of coffee telling “have a nice day” has gone. You had managed to make me lose that habit, my ritual of having coffee at the bar on the way to work: someone knowing me would have thought it was a scene from some post-apocalyptic movie. But it was impossible to start the day without that moment before leaving the house. 

After all, every time I got up I still found you there, still in front of the coffee machine that you had given me only not to give up your espresso with some blend always coming from places in remote corners of the globe with unpronounceable names, and I didn't say a word, but I let my lips resting gently on your shoulder to give you good morning for me. Your voice always woke me tenderly, as if it were a thin caress, and you accepted just as lovingly that I would answer you for the first 10 minutes only with nods of the head and grumbling. You always found it adorable.

I take a quick shower, and while I'm looking at the bed I'm seriously tempted to throw myself back on it, just so I can leave the world outside, my cell phone rings: "Rizzoli...I'll be right there". I'm about to close the door to the apartment behind me when I look up and see the scene of those mornings we spent together sliding in front of me. You, simply perfect with your hand woven dressing gown, with the coffee cup in your hand, me entering the room with my ruffled hair and sulk, I challenge you by stealing the cup with that nectar I couldn't live without, brazing it out, and our hands touching. You can sulk for a too short time, shake your head slightly and give me a tender kiss. It takes me a few moments to respond to it, but when I do, I make up for lost time. My mind has not yet realized that I am awake, but yours is a call my body always responds to, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. In an instant you find yourself with your pelvis and hands against the kitchen counter, as if you didn't want to touch me for fear that I might mean that you want me to stop. 

And it is at that moment that I regain a minimum of lucidity before losing myself, definitively, in the memory of us. I close that door, turn the key hard, as if somehow I'm turning it over. You come back today, it'll be hard enough as it is. Another day begins.


	2. Crime scene

Not even time to stop for coffee at Boston Joe's, I’m going directly to the crime scene. I wonder what's so urgent that you won't even give me a break for my caffeine ration. Frost knew very well that rushing me wouldn't get me through the day, but the fact that the body had been found in a public park made everyone want to do the initial investigation and get out of the way as soon as possible.  
I put on my gloves and kneel down to see more closely the entry wound at the victim's neck, when I hear an unmistakable noise of heels, accompanied by a shiver down my back. I didn't even need to turn around to know it was you. You, who fell the world did not leave home except with high heels on your feet... sometimes I was even surprised that you did not have a pair of slippers with heels, or as you would have called them "raised domestic shoes” and who knows what else. On any surface, however, you managed to keep your class impeccable and it was so sexy to see you moving forward with decided pace and concentrated gaze.

I stand up and start giving you the details of the investigation, when without realizing it, you walk past me to examine the body. I thought after your vacation to visit Hope somethings would be better. But it's not your fault. This chill comes to me, you're not to blame, you never were. I'm avoiding your eyes properly, I couldn't bear your eyes looking at me and saying "It's all right, Jane". I had screwed up, or rather two: the first, when I messed up our friendship and the second, when I didn't accept to give us a real chance. 

Luckily we finish the survey soon and, while you go to the station to do the autopsy right away, Frost and I stop in this area to see if anyone knows anything about what happened last night. Let's get some good leads and get back to the station to get to work. I can no longer avoid this moment, I'm going down to the lab to see if any of our theories are compatible with what emerges from the autopsy. I wish the elevator ride would take forever, I'm not ready, or at least I'm not ready to pretend that nothing happened.


	3. Pieces of my heart

_ Flashback _

_ I had just taken the house keys and I was going out to join you for our pizza and movie Friday (which lately was less pizza and movies and more other stuff), when I open the door and I realize that ready to ring the bell there is... your mother. Or rather, Hope, your biological mother. I never liked her, the way she treated you when you met her for the first time, for disappearing and then magically reappearing when her daughter needed a kidney... your kidney. I'll ask her to take a sit even if I can't wait for her to spit it out and go back where she came from. Luckily I don’t have to wait to much, she’s not a fan of pleasantries. I wonder where you get that from._

_ "I'm here because I'm going back to London on business. And I'd like Maura to come with me." And there it is, the ice-cold shower.  _

_ “I was offered a professorship at Imperial College for my work in Third World countries ... and they ask me to offered the chair in forensic pathology to Maura. It would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her. And her experience at BCU for that seminar she gave excited her." And she's right, you haven't talked about anything else for days. You seriously wondered if teaching could be your new path, but you joked that you couldn't make fun of me all day at work and that without you they would find out that I'm not very good at solving cases. "I don't want them to bring you back on doing traffic reports because of me," you said laughing. _

_ "Jane... you haven't said a word. Unfortunately I can't wait long, the current teacher is ready to retire and there are other candidates on the list, but Maura is absolutely the first choice for them."  _

_ I can't blame them for this. You'd be a perfect teacher, just see how you shaped poor Susie Chang in your own image over the years working alongside you.  _

_ “It's a great opportunity" - that's all I can say. "You know very well she'd say no just so she doesn't have to give up on you." I'd like to believe it wouldn't be like that, but I can't. Like when you testified on my behalf when I shot Paddy Doyle. You got a little carried away, positively, during the deposition. If I think that we didn't even talk to each other in those days: you knew that I had done my job, but I had the impression that there was something consuming you inside. I never understood what it was. _

_ I'm trying to to put things into some order in my mind. Your mother looks at me, she knows I never liked her, but right now she needs my help.  _

_ "You're here to ask me to end it with her..."  _

_ “I know it's hard, Jane. I'm not hiding from you that since I found out, I've had a lot of doubts about your relationship."  _

_ “Really? You don’t say..." I reply caustically.  _

_ “Hope... why is she here? Maura knows how to make her own decisions, there's nothing I can say to convince her...in one way or another" I keep going on, knowing very well that what I said is true, but I also know that our relationship will surely have a weight in your list of pros and cons.  _

_ “Give her a reason to accept." Those words were enough to make me fall apart. My world, our future, had just been demolished. I could do nothing, but I always wanted your happiness more than any other thing. And I know exactly what I had to do. _


	4. Autopsy of a relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank @Miss_Peg for her invaluable help in translating this chapter. Her help has been crucial

I don't even cross the threshold and you immediately warn me against asking you to make assumptions, but your tone is not annoyed, you just want to defuse the tension that you know is here with us in this moment. Yes, because after that night, we didn't see each other until the next morning. After our fight, you left immediately, without leaving time to fix things, or maybe just to give us time apart. You knew I wouldn't back down, I wouldn't take back what I said, no matter how much I wanted to.

The thing that will have torn you apart the most will have been the confusion over what happened: you, the logical person, never give an answer without being sure that it is the right one, you had to hear that I simply did not love you anymore. As if it were a tangible, verified, objective reason somehow. You start dissecting the corpse, but not in your usual methodical and careful manner, by reeling off medical terms I'd never even heard of, and talking so fast I could barely keep up. You remain silent for a few minutes, then tell me in order: cause of death, angle of shot and caliber of the weapon used. You also give me information about the killer, so I get on the phone to Frost right away for comparison with the suspects.

I could go upstairs to tell him, but I need to stay in the same room with you...just for a moment. While I'm on the phone, I look at you, I study you, but you don't divert attention from the corpse, not even for a second. I hang up the phone and see you busying yourself to avoid looking at me. With all the self-control I have, I say to you: 

“Okay, Maura...if there's nothing else I'll go then" Then you raise your eyes and look at me, you stare at me for a few seconds, which seems to last a long time and, now I understand: you too, like me, are trying to control yourself, to appear impassive, but not angry, and you speak to me very politely, like I'm merely a colleague and not so much more.

“Sure Jane, have a nice day! Let me know if there are any developments" you answer before you go back to work on the body. And I feel like I've died not once but a hundred times. I would like to tell you that I didn't have a choice in the matter, that I put an end to our story because I had no other choice. I'd like to tell you that the person you went to for help and support was the same person who convinced me that it was the right choice to make, for you, for your happiness. And so I walk, without even realizing it, to the elevator, sitting and crying with my back against the wall, just as you did that night leaning against the door of your house that you had just closed behind me.


	5. Turning tables

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank @Miss_Peg for her invaluable help in translating this chapter. Her help has been crucial

_Flashback_

I decide not to park in the driveway, I don't want you to hear the sound of my car. I think it's gonna take me a few minutes to find the courage to do what I'm going to do. I turn off the car and for a moment I get stuck: I have no alternative, I will not be the one who will stop you from realizing your dreams. You sacrificed everything for your career, ever since you were a private school student. I understand, we have always been the same about this: our jobs define us, we could never live without. I find the courage to get out of the car and when I approach to the front door, it opens and I see you ready to welcome me. You are a vision. I don't ever want to stop basking in your beauty, but I have made my decision.

You're standing on the doorstep wearing a kimono style dressing gown, the result of one of your compulsive online shopping moments. I remember when you told me the price, I asked you if it was made of gold threads, and you told me a story about its manufacture that could very well have been the plot of a monochrome silent drama. This memory helps me for a moment to keep control of myself, but I knew that with this premise it would be an even tougher evening. You let me in and I don't even have time to respond to your greeting before your soft lips rest on mine. You leave me a series of small, slow kisses on the lips holding me with one hand by the collar of my shirt. You wrap your other arm around my neck like you're afraid I might run away. 

"Maura..." I sigh as soon as your lips leave mine peppering kisses across my neck.

"Maura, I need to talk to you," but you don't seem to want to hear me and your left hand slides down my collar, down my shoulder, along my arm, until you take my right hand and bring it to touch your silky, heady scented skin, on your chest. I feel like I'm already losing control, but I can't, not now. 

“Jane, I have something on my mind first..." and you put your lips back on mine, but this time your tongue is asking my permission to come in, and I give it to, the kiss is getting hotter and hotter, and I'm definitely losing control. You take my jacket off and you drop it on the floor, we don't care. I wrap arms around you and we approach the kitchen island and, when your back hits the counter, you stop kissing and start unbuttoning my shirt. And that's when I get that shred of clarity that hasn't gone away between your kisses, and I push your away from me. I realize what I have to say to you, and I know my face gives away how heartbreaking this moment is.

"Jane, what's going on, are you okay?" you ask me, realizing already that the answer is no. My words are stuck in my throat, I'm already sobbing and I'm leaning against the wall looking for support, I slide down the edge of the kitchen cupboards, and I see your expression become serious, you come towards me and you say: 

"Jane, ok relax, take a breath, you'll be fine...you're probably having a panic attack, but don't worry. I'm here with you" 

"I don't love you" It comes out like that, out of nowhere. You turn to me in silence, but you ignore my words and measure my pulse. I shred the last piece of my heart and I repeat those words, arming myself with all the coldness that my eyes and my voice can transmit. 

"Maura, I don't love you” I say in a low, but firm tone. You can't ignore me this time. I know you've understood me because you tell me that I'm not well, that it's just a lack of oxygenation...

"I don't love you" I get up and you follow me while I say it and you almost start to convince yourself that I’m not sick, that tonight is really going to be the end of everything, of us. 

“Jane, I don't understand..." and you pull yourself away from me, closing your dressing gown with your hands, like you're embarrassed. Your instincts probably made you feel that I was no longer the Jane you were in love with, but a stranger. 

"Did I do something wrong?" you ask me with an innocent tenderness. 

"No," I reply annoyed, but without much effort to convince you that it is so. "You saw what I wanted you to see, but it was just physical for me..." I add.

"You really want me to believe that it was just sex to you?" You say incredulous, convinced that my answer will be no and that all doubt of this madness will be dispelled. 

"Yeah, I never said I wanted to commit..." but I don't get enough time to finish the sentence before you slap me across the cheek.

"I don't believe it Jane, I can't believe it... you really did this for what? For sex? How could you do this... to us, to me?" your voice breaks as you say it and I force myself to remain impassive to convince you that what I'm telling you is true. And this look on my face makes you not want to show me the pain you're feeling. You don't want me to see you fall apart. You're too proud to do that.

"Get out of this house right now ... I don't ever want to see you again." 

"Maura ..." I don't want to leave her alone like this. You pick up my jacket and shove me towards the door. 

“Get out...NOW!" You close the door behind me and the only thing I can do is stand there, with my hand resting on the door almost as if I want you to feel that your best friend is here for you. And in that moment I hear your back rubbing against the door, you sit down and cry with a desperation I never thought I would cause.


	6. A hard day's night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank @Miss_Peg for her invaluable help in translating this chapter. Her help has been crucial

We rarely deal with simple cases around here. Actually, it was the information you gave us that quickly identified the killer as a suspect. I'm about to finish my shift when they bring him in to the station, and I remember not seeing you all afternoon. I go down to the lab, and I see you're in your study. I notice you're at your desk, your computer's open, but you can't concentrate, I can tell right away. I knock on your door. 

"Come in” you say, almost awakening from your thoughts. "Hi, we caught him. They're taking him to the country jail" I tell you while leaning against the edge of the door. 

"Girls, let's go celebrate, my treat!" says Frost, coming up behind me as I share the good news.

"Thank you, Detective Frost, but I think I'm going to go straight home" you say sorry. "Go on with Frankie and Korsak. I'll join you in a bit," I say, patting him on the shoulder. As soon as I see the elevator doors close, I turn to you again.

"Frost arrested him, he ran off so he had to tackle him... he's very proud of it. He could have had a future in football. I think it's good for you to go out with them. I'm going home, don't worry" I say to make you understand that I don't want to be a reason to deny you the celebration of this team victory. You look at me smiling, and even though it's a bit forced, I already take it as a breakthrough. 

"It wouldn’t be the same without you, Detective. Come on, let's go!" You managed to put that pain aside. Or at least you're trying to. You are slowly opening the door to us being more than colleagues again, maybe even friends like we once were before.

We meet the guys at the Dirty Robber, and while they're drinking at the bar, you order a glass of wine and take a seat. They're too busy celebrating to notice, so I grab beer and join you. You break the silence by asking me more about the killer's arrest and escape attempt. We talk about this and that, about days you spent visiting Hope, until you tell me: "While I was at her place, Hope asked me to move with her to London. I've been offered a chair in forensic medicine at one of Europe's most prestigious universities" 

I take a slow sip of beer to stall, to take my mind off the memory of that night when Hope asked me to step aside, and I try to look surprised. 

"Wow Maura, congratulations ... that's great." I'm not going to win an Oscar with this performance, but I think it turned out to be credible. 

“I haven't said yes yet..."

Keep a stiff upper lip, Jane. Please!

"First I gotta figure out how to fix a few things...do you want another drink?" 

I don't have time to answer before you've nodded at waitress to bring us a couple of beer. 

"...but most of all I want to understand what happened that night, Jane." 

Okay, I need that beer now. My mouth has suddenly dried up, my heart is already starting like a Sioux war drum and I'm afraid you can hear it, because it's rumbling in my ears and it sounds deafening. "Maura..." I say as I try to reach for the beer the waitress has put on the table, but you're blocking my arm. 

"Wait, before you say anything... Waitress, can we also get some tequila. 3-4 shots each" you say as if you were prescribing drugs. The girl comes back with a tray full of shot glasses that I already know we will regret. That's really a low blow, you know tequila's my  _ vino veritas _ . I take comfort in the fact that it has more or less the same effect on you. I'd like to think you did it to make yourself feel more comfortable having this conversation, but then I catch that micro expression on your face. You're enjoying this, you remember all of this and you want to see what you can make me say. Very clever, Dr. Isles. But do you have the courage to deal with our shared memories? After all, it all started there... tequila shots, salt and lemon.


	7. Moment of truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank @Miss_Peg for her invaluable help in translating this chapter. Her help has been crucial

_Flashback_

Tonight we planned to go to a new restaurant that opened in South Boston. You just got back from a conference that kept you out of town for a week. I offer to pick you up at home, so you can have a little more time to get ready. I park in the driveway and ring the bell. When you open the door, I come inside and you immediate apologise for not putting your suitcase away, before going back to the bathroom to finish getting ready. I've always loved your obsession with order, perhaps because, well you know, I'm the exact opposite. You come back into the living room while you finish putting on your earrings and you hand me a necklace, asking me to help you put it on. You turn around and uncover your neck and I brush the back of my hand accidentally against your shoulders in an attemp to close it. That’s enough to feel a shiver down my back. Luckily I can quickly hook the clasp of the necklace and I return to breathing normally. For a second. You turn around asking me if you look good in that dress and to answer that simple question my gaze does not linger on you, and I'm afraid I've lost a few heartbeats.   
"I think you would have looked better in your yellow dress... more casual," I say ironically. You look wonderful, and I couldn't think otherwise.   
“You think? Okay, give me five minutes..."   
"Just kidding, Maura. Get your bag. We're already late for the reservation. I'm hungry," I say with my fake desperate voice. You always found it hilarious.

We enjoy dinner, sipping a few glasses of wine, which of course you have chosen, and we tell each other how the week went. The evening flows pleasantly as always, but when we go out, you look at the time and propose a nightcap.   
"Why not... but I'll choose the place."   
"What was wrong with the restaurant?" you tell me, like you feel offended.   
“Nothing... just that it was a little too posh for me. But the meat was great."   
We arrive at a pub near your house, go in and sit at one of the tables at the back. As soon as the waitress approaches, you're ready to order, when I stop and say:   
"Maura, I don't think they have vintage wines in this place."   
You turn to me, and you look at me with a contemptuous look, before saying to the barmaid: "Can I ask you to bring us two shot glasses... and a bottle of tequila". I'm surprised when you say that, and so is the barmaid. I look at her smiling, as if to confirm your intentions. As soon as she walks away, I'll burst out laughing and ask you if you've gone crazy. You tell me that at the conference seeing your colleagues partying made you want to experience the psychotropic effects of tequila. I only stifle my laugh because in the meantime the barmaid came back with our order.

After the second shot you start doing a monologue on the positive effects you're experiencing. I understand that you are still in excellent condition because you don't miss the opportunity to show off your rich and incomprehensible vocabulary. After you gulp down the 5th shot, you freeze me with a question that arrives point-blank.   
“Why did things end with Casey?"   
I try to process an answer when you highlight my hesitation with a "You're stalling."   
I decide to let go of my words, my thoughts, as they come out...   
“The distance, the work... it was all complicated" I say hoping that it will be enough.   
“You're not telling me everything, Jane," you reply, realizing there's more left to say.   
“You were willing to give him everything, you thought that it was your chance to be happy, until it was no longer so" you continue.   
Why did you wait for this moment to ask me about him, about the end of our story? The words that came out of me right afterwards, I don't even remember them going through my brain, they just came out.   
“I realized that I love someone more than him...uh, something...something, I mean" and I cough falsely almost trying to camouflage the gaffe and then I clarify "my job...I love my job more". Like an automaton, I pour myself another shot, trying to forget what just happened.   
"Your job..." you say, and I'm almost sure I got away with it.   
I try to deflect the conversation about you.  
"Why are you asking me about Casey? Did you meet someone at the conference, someone who aroused your interest?"  
"No, no...nobody...at least nobody interesting. Apparently I'm not the only one who has less trouble relating to the dead than the living," you laugh. We decide that maybe it's time to go, and thank goodness I left the car at your home, because I really couldn't drive now. Fortunately, I know I'm always a welcome guest in your home.

You try to open the door but you can't get the keys in, they fall out of your hands. I bend down with you to pick them up and when I grab them our hands touch, our eyes cross. You're close, too close. I don't know how, but I find the strength to get up and we finally get inside. You put the keys on the table, and that's when you're going to bust me again. I'm taking off my jacket when you approach me with a slow step, your gaze has a different light, it doesn't seem marked by drunkenness, but by determination and lucidity. I'm enchanted to watch you move forward, and you arrive with your face at a palm’s hand from mine.  
"Jane, tell me why, Jane, or rather for who you're done with Casey." The firmness in your voice makes me understand that the matter is not yet closed, not for you... and I know that you already know which is the truth. But what I don't know and what scares me the most is what your reaction will be.   
“You."

I can't believe I said that. Can we rewind? Can I cancel this moment? You look at me incredulous, probably not because of what I told you, but because I told you so simply: you thought it would be harder to get that single word out of my mouth. Your eyes look different, now you can only stare at my mouth, your pupils are dilated and your lips open slightly. A few seconds and those same lips are so close to mine, but they don't touch them. My body wants to move forward, to kiss you, but I can't...you must really want it. You stare deep into my eyes again. Your hand slips through my hair and you draw me closer to you. I'd like to go deeper into the kiss, but I'm still not sure you're convinced of what we're doing. You get away from me for a second. And I think maybe you come to your senses, that it was nice to think you wanted to be mine even for a few moments. You look at me, with a really deep look that get straight to my heart.  
"Why didn't you tell me right away? I've been waiting a long time to hear you say that...   
“Wait, are you admitting you've wanted me to do this for a long time?”   
Then a sly smile appears on my face.   
"I could ask you exactly the same question, Doctor." I'm going to bust you, you realize you're stuck with your own words.   
"Am I to understand that there’s something you want to tell me?" I add. It's fun to see you on the ropes, as long as it's with me.

You come closer and it seems that you want to give me your answer with the movement of your body, but it's not enough for me. I want to hear you say it.   
"Maura... answer me" I'm saying back slightly to play along. I'm intrigued by the situation, I'm leading the game and I'm starting to like it.   
“You're not wrong, Jane. I'm in love with you. I've known it since I was called to testify because you shot my father."   
Your answer is sincere, you give me that detail to make me understand that you're not saying it because of alcohol, but because you really feel that way about me. And now that I know, I can't wait a second longer. I close the distance between us and kiss you. For just a moment it’s slow, careful, and then the kiss gets more intense, I can't wait any longer. I need you. My hands rest on your hips and I gently push you towards the entrance wall.

When I feel your back against the wall, I start kissing your neck and you raise your chin, as a sign of approval and to give me full access. Your hands immediately start to unbutton my shirt, and I must admit that they are really skillful, because after a couple of seconds they have already finished and you pull it back slowly from my shoulders, dropping it on the floor. You understand I'd like to do the same, but your dress seems to hide the zipper perfectly. You give me a little push to get me to back off, and I look at you spreading my arms wondering what the hell you're doing. I take half a step towards you but your hand stops me, as if to order me to stay exactly where I am. You look deeply at me as you start to pull down the zipper on your dress so slowly that I feel myself burning with more and more passion. You're studying my expression and your eyes reflect the excitement they see in mine. It's enough for you to see me looking at you in this way to want to own me right now. But you know that the wait won't consume us, in fact, it will increase the intensity of the moment.

You take off your dress slowly and surprise me when you leave it on the floor, without worrying about it getting ruined. Nothing really exists except us and our desire. I get close to you, but you stop me again, and I wonder where you're going with this. This time I can't resist and in a second my body is against yours again, with my hands caressing every inch of that soft skin with a scent of distant and wonderful lands, while you start to kiss me again and again. I enchant myself to look so freely at your chest for the first time, your breasts still hidden by a black lace bra that I enjoy teasing from above the fabric. All it takes is that simple contact to hear you sigh in my ear, and I understand you're completely giving in to me. I skillfully step one hand behind your back and in a quick move I undo your bra and slip it off, admiring that show for the first time. You decide you want to enjoy a show like this too, so take the opportunity to act undisturbed and do the same. Having the chance to look at me like that, it almost seems to awaken you and in a moment you unbutton my pants and I feel your hand getting dangerously close to the center of my pleasure.   
"Oh Jane, I never thought I'd do this to you," you sigh in my ear after you stuck your hand in my panties and felt how wet I am.

"Maura, this is definitely... a dangerous move" I tell you, we head for your bedroom. I leave you on the bed and before I get on top of you, I slowly slip off your panties and admire you. Finally the time has come: you, naked and excited, waiting only for me. You’re standing up and coming towards me when I block you, imitating your gesture a few minutes ago. I put my thumb on my lips, looking like a hunter who admires his prey. I decide to take off what's left of my clothes, I want to feel your body on me with every fiber of my skin. I see you sighing when I lower my panties, and I wonder how you can be so exciting. I slowly crawl forward on all fours on the bed, and I meet your legs with my hand, which go up, first along the inner thigh, then suddenly turn towards the hip, just before approaching your intimacy. You don't approve, but you let me do it. As it reaches the height of your chest, my fingers draw the outline of your breast. I must have gotten lost looking at you because in an instant I feel you caressing my head and your lips are on mine again. You guide me and I let myself be dragged over you, and our bodies now touch each other completely. I let my guard down, and you take advantage of it to come over me. You sit astride me and feel our bodies meet. And I realize I've never felt anything like this before. You drive my hands on your hips, you realize there's not much left of the safe and swaggering Jane from a few minutes ago. I'm admiring the most beautiful thing in the world, the person I wanted most told me she loved me and is there to give me a pleasure I've never felt before. I couldn't feel happier. At least that's what I thought.

Your pelvis is moving slowly, you want our pleasures to become one to fully savour this moment. You feel that you are close to achieving pleasure, however, you move your body slightly away so that you can sink two fingers into me. You don't want anything, not even letting go of your pleasure, to take away the chance to see me come for you. I stand up with my back and my face stands at the height of your chest, while I look at you without being able to utter a word, but you understand from my eyes that I am asking you not to stop for anything in the world. There's one thing I want more than anything, though, to hear you come with me. I strap you down with one arm and carry you lying on the bed next to me. Rest your head on the pillow and I stop to contemplate your gaze, which calls me, tells me not to wait any longer. Without taking my eyes off you, my hand begins to touch you, first touching your perfect breasts, then drawing a straight line, passing along your navel and descending lower and lower, until it’s one step away from your intimacy. I think you've completely surrendering to me, when I feel your fingers go inside me again, I don't delay any longer. I penetrate you and you can't help but tremble at that contact, you whisper my name and that pushes me to continue doing it.

We are both about to come, our moans go in unison, following the rhythm of our thrusts. Our eyes don't move for a second and when you shout my name I hear your passion and mine explode. Together. We caress each other and accompany each other on the gentle descent. You lie on your back again, a smile is drawn on your face as you look at the ceiling, trying to regulate your breathing. I can't stop looking at you with your head resting on the pillow. You really are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And you're finally mine. Like in my dreams. You feel watched and you turn to me.   
"Detective Rizzoli..." you say, before you kiss me softly.   
“If you look at me like that, you make me blush” you add.   
"Dr. Isles, you'd better get used to it, because I'm gonna watch you like this many, many times” I say, right after I move on top of you again. I move a lock of hair sideways, as if I wanted to discover every corner of you.   
“I love you, Maura" I whisper to you.   
"I love you, Jane”


	8. Dirty Little secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank @Miss_Peg for her invaluable help in translating this chapter. Her help is really important to me

I drink my fourth and final shot when you ask me that question again that I hoped your clouded mind wouldn't remember.  
“What happened that night, Jane? What made you do it, break up with me?"  
"I..."  
“Don't you dare say you don't love me, because I can see it in your face that is not true. Your eyes betray you, Detective." 

1-0 for you.  
"Maura, maybe I threw myself at you too soon... I didn’t wait enough time after the end of my relationship with Casey, and it was going too fast between you and me..." I stop, and I look at you to see if you're buying it. You look at me and you make me realize that you’re not.  
"Ok..." I take a breath and try again.  
"I think it happened because it would be complicated to manage our relationship at work, people whisper too often and I didn't want anyone to have a problem with the way we do our job, or simply talking about us. But also our friends, our families...how would they take the news? Yeah, Hope knew that...but she understood before us! It was all becoming so real, so fast, and I was afraid". I understand that I'm on the right path to get out of this without revealing the whole truth, because now your gaze has become more attentive, but also… more sad.

"Why didn't you talk to me about that?" you say softly, while your hand touches mine, resting on the table. "Maura..." "Don't you think I was scared of all this, too?" you answer me. 

"I'm sorry" is all I can say. And you don't seem to be interested. 

"All right, now that I know why you did it, I can move forward, move on. You hurt me so much, Jane, with your words. But I can't bear to lose even my best friend just because fear froze you. Which doesn't mean things are gonna go back to the way they were, remember that. It'll take time, but it will happen...sooner or later." We get out of the club and you call a cab. As soon as you see one stop, you turn to me to say good night and hug me. 

I'd forgotten how warm your body is and how beautiful the feel of your hands are on me. I wish I didn't break away when you were walking away and for a second our faces are only a few inches away. I lose control of myself and I step closer to kiss you, but you make me come back to my senses by pulling away and hiding the awkwardness, saying goodbye. 

I never felt so stupid like in this moment.  
"Good night, detective."  
“Good night, Maura." 

You take my breath away as you leave in the cab.


	9. Here’s to the life decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank @Miss_Peg for her invaluable help in translating this chapter. Her help has been crucial

My alarm went off. I got a decent night's sleep... I can't help but think that somehow it has something to do with our talk last night. I arrive at the station and stop at the bar to get coffee... I get one for you too. I have archival work today and I want an excuse to come see you. I take the elevator and I arrive in your office a few minutes later. I walk past the window and I don't see you, so I knock and see you coming out of the lab. "Good morning, Jane," you say, glad to see me. Or rather glad to see what I brought you: you rip the coffee out of my hand and start drinking it quickly, as if you were a Bedouin finding an oasis after days in the desert. 

“Good morning. I think someone's been going through a caffeine withdrawal." 

“I didn't get much sleep, they called me from London this morning before dawn to find out what I decided about the position they offered me.”

I can't say anything, but you make me realize you are expecting some kind of reaction from me.

"I don't know what to do, Jane. The problem is, they need an answer today," you add. And knowing you, I know you're already anxious... you hate to be pressured, but I also know that these situations bring out the best in you. 

“What do you think I should do?" you tell me, like you're asking me the simplest thing in the world. 

“You know very well I'm not gonna tell you how I feel about that. This is your decision, and I don't want to say anything to influence it," I answer sincerely, taking this burden off myself. Luckily my phone rings, I answer it promptly. "Rizzoli ... yeah, Korsak, I'll be right there." I end call. 

“Maura, I gotta go... it's an old case of mine and they need me to testify in court." 

“Sure, go," you say, implying you need to talk to me about this again. 

“You know what? I have a proposition. Take the day off: you haven't had a day off in ages and I don't think anyone will have a problem with it; go home and think about what you want to do. I think it'll take me the rest of the day in court, but if you don’t have any plan for tonight, I'll come to you and we'll celebrate, whatever you decide, okay?" 

As soon as I finish saying this, I think maybe I'm burning through the stages of our reconciliation. 

“Thank you Jane, I'll take your advice... and for tonight, I'd really appreciate it" you reply, comforted by my idea. I can breathe a sigh of relief. Apparently I didn't overdo it. 

“Okay, I have to go now. See you later”

It's already late afternoon when I get out of court, the matter has gone on longer than I thought. I have a message from you waiting on my cell: 

\- I just told the University my decision. Come as soon as you can. -

\- Okay, I'm gonna go home and take a shower and then I'll be there. - 

I'm in a hurry, I can't help but think about what you might have decided and what this will mean for us. Will we have time to recover our friendship or will we go on writing a few e-mails for a while, then less and less, until we remember the good times but our relationship is merely a memory? Will we have a chance? On the other hand, I also think that if I had decided to refuse, what I did would have been all in vain.

When I arrive, you open the door and greet me and I can't figure out by your tone which the answer to my doubts might be. You hand me a beer and get one for yourself. You drinking beer at home, when you could choose from all your collectible wine bottles, is not a good sign. 

I can no longer wait and try to camouflage my impatience, before I drink I ask you, "So what are we celebrating?" 

“Absolutely nothing, Jane. Hope told me everything." 

I'm fucked. That's exactly the first thought that comes to mind. I wonder why she did it, how it could have come up. 

“Have you talked with Hope?" I'm trying to deflect the conversation and investigate what she might have told you. 

“Yes, I told her my decision and she asked me if it was you who convinced me," you say, looking me straight in the eye. I read all the disappointment and bitterness in your eyes.

“Then she said she thought she was clear with you... when you saw each other..." and that's when I understand you decided to stay. Inside I rejoice for a few moments, but the joy lasts little when I realize that there is something else.

"...and told me about that night. I have to admit that it took me a while to realize that the night she was talking about was the same night that you..." you can't finish the sentence, your voice has become more and more unsteady and your eyes misty and sad. I'm overwhelmed with thinking you know the truth. 

“You told me you didn't love me... you told me you didn't love me so many times that I was convinced. It hurt... I should have known it couldn't be true. How foolish of me not to have noticed...” and now you can't take it anymore, you burst into tears. 

You're angry, disappointed, and you have every reason to be. Instinctively I come a little closer to you, slowly like a frightened animal I don't want you to run away. As soon as I put my hand on your back, you turn around and start slapping me. 

“How could you, Jane? How could you do this to us?" You tell me in tears. I let you do it. Pour your pain on me, I deserve it. 

"Maura... Maura, calm down!" I'm telling you, it's not helping, so I'm blocking your hands. You surprise me, stop resisting and put your head and hands on my chest, and the only thing I could do is hug you. We spend a few minutes like this and it feels like hours to me. I can finally comfort you like I would have done that night. Even though I'm the one who hurt you today as I did then. Your breathing's returning to normal. You seem to be calming down. But I won't let go of my hug until you’ll tell me to stop. 

“Jane, did you really give up on us for fear I'd put you first?" you say without moving... you feel protected in my arms. 

“Yes...and I would do it again, not once but a hundred times. Your happiness has always been most important of all for me," I honestly say. I can't lie to you, not again, not now.

"I haven't accepted," you reply. 

“I get it, Maura ... but why? I mean, it seemed like an unmissable opportunity..." I tell you. 

I want to understand what made you want to stay. 

“I should have gone to London with Hope and been grateful to her for the rest of my career... isn't that reason enough?!" you answer laughing, wiping away the tears and the marks of their passage on your face with your hand. To hear you laugh seems to take us to a different reality, different from a few minutes ago. I'd forgotten how beautiful you are when you laugh. You move your head from my chest, but you don't seem intent on untying this hug right now. 

“Oh yes, that definitely seems to me a sufficient reason" I tell you, but then you see that I'm looking at you, almost as if to ask you softly if you feel like telling me the real reason for your choice. You immediately understand my desire for clarity. You get away from me and put your hands on the kitchen counter.

"I'm happy with my life here. My work is rewarding and stimulating... I am the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts! I probably would have liked to teach, but not full time and not having to revolutionize my whole life... no matter that the offer came from a prestigious institute" you say, making me understand that you have considered your choice well. You stare at an undefined point. You do that a lot when you're at work, reflecting with me out loud about one of our cases. 

“And then there's one person I promised to give a second chance to..."

Right now, you raise your head and turn to me. You look at me seriously, you don't want to risk me taking those words as a joke. 

“Maura... tell me you didn't do this ‘cause of me," I ask you. I need to know, because I know from experience that it can't end well when someone gives up opportunities like this for the other. 

“Jane, I simply chose to stay where I wanted to be. I did it for me." Okay, those last words of yours convinced me. We finally make a toast with our beer bottles in hand. 

“Cheers to life in Boston," I say to celebrate the moment. 

“To life in Boston," you smile back.


	10. Here comes the sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank @Miss_Peg for her invaluable help in translating this chapter. My words become better with her help!

_Flashback_

I wake up. . . I still haven't opened my eyes when I feel soft lips leaning against mine. That’s you...saying good morning to me. I know it’s you because I can smell your perfume getting stronger and I realize it wasn't a dream. Last night it really happened. Finally, Maura Isles, you became mine. I open my eyes and see you here next to me, covered only by a thin sheet exactly as I am, and I can't resist... I pull you closer to me, to feel your body in contact with mine again. If waking up was always like this, maybe I'd have fewer bad days.

You ask me if I slept well, if I rested, and you gladly accept that I only answer with the nod of my head and grumbling of approval. You're stroking my hair, and I feel really at peace with the world right now. I realize it's Saturday, which means except for emergencies we don't have to go to work. Good, because I plan on making this waking up last for a long time. You extend your hand until you take your robe from the chair next to the bedside table, you stand up and I see your naked back totally exposed and a thrill of pleasure runs through me.

You put it on and knot your belt, before turning towards me, approaching my face and whispering to me: “I'm going to prepare breakfast"; you say leaving me another soft, chaste kiss on the lips.

Just as you're getting up, I grab your arm and drag you back into bed with me. In a moment, I rest myself on top of you and I can't stop looking at you. You're wonderful, I don't think I could find a way to explain your beauty. Your gaze grows more intense. I had seen you do it to several men... but in a different way: in those looks there was something missing, a light that it seems you kept only for me, waiting for this moment. I can't resist you any longer, and my lips are on yours again. My hand moves your robe, it starts touching your breast right away, and as soon as my thumb passes over your nipple I feel it stiffen. My tongue searches for yours and they begin to dance together, in a kiss that set the room on fire. I want to make you mine. You spread your legs slightly to allow my body to come closer to you even more. You stop the kiss and look at me, pupils dilated, while you pass your tongue over your lips. You want to seduce me in any way you can. I untie the knot on your robe and you open it slowly.

“Oh Maura…” is all I can say in front of that wonderful vision. Your naked body looks like a masterpiece.

“I thought you might want to keep the dessert for after breakfast, Detective” you tell me, in a hoarse voice that immediately drives me wild with passion.

“Who says we won't also do it later, Dr. Isles?" I answer before kissing your neck. You groan my name in my ear, and I feel the desire grow. Your moans, your hot breath, they're definitely making me lose control. My hands reach down to your butt and grab it, to make you feel my desire.

With your thighs you wrap around my hips and your hands grab my face to bring my lips to yours. I leave them almost immediately, to take care of your neck, and my tongue slowly caresses your chest. Sometimes I take it away from your body just enough to make you feel my breath where it has just passed, and your moans become more intense. I reach your breasts, grabbing one with my hand and starting to lick the nipple, looking at you. Our eyes are speaking, while I feel you completely letting loose.

I smile… how nice it is to feel the effect of my attention on you. With my tongue I start going down again, first on your abs and then over your navel. I put my arms around your legs to open them wider. Your gaze begs me to go and calm the fire you feel in your intimacy. I'll stick my tongue on the inside of your thighs, I won't give you what you want so soon. I leave kisses near the center of your pleasure, before starting to lick the clitoris, at first with very light and then increasingly intensity.

You can't resist and I feel your hand go through my hair and push my head, asking for more contact. Your breathing is getting shorter and shorter, I can feel you're close to climax. Without stopping giving you that attention, I put two fingers inside you, and that's the moment when you scream with pleasure. 

“Oh, fuck Jane…”

I start moving them slowly at first and then faster and faster. I love to hear you calling my name in this way.

I feel the muscles in your legs contracting, and I screw you, with my tongue, with my fingers, with every muscle of my body. Your breathing gets faster with every push. I can feel your abs tightening, too, and I want to look at you. Our eyes cross for a moment, but then you move your head backwards and that's when I feel your pleasure on my fingers. I thrust one last time, until I feel your muscles relax and come back with my mouth to collect your pleasure until the last drop.

Your taste makes me insatiable. I want to kiss every inch of your skin, but you don't seem to agree. Your hands pull my face to you and you kiss me. You want to feel your pleasure on my own lips. When we interrupt that kiss, I finally lie by your side, watching you as your breath calms.

We stay there for a while and enjoy every second of that moment where nothing exists except us. You're lying next to me, your head resting on my chest while I surround you with my arm.

You turn to me and say, 

“Would you ever think that, Jane? You and I...us?"

You are strangely serious when you ask me the question, your hand is resting on my heart and that touch makes me feel like you want the answer directly from it. 

“I've always hoped so…” I say sighing, leaving a kiss on your head while I continue to stroke your hair.

“...but it seemed to remain only a dream” I add, with a slight melancholy. The same one who accompanied me every time you went out with some man, who came to visit me when we were together and I wanted to give you more, to touch you in a way that is not permitted to a friend. Even for the best friend. 

“But I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere” I keep saying. A smile appears on your face and your eyes light up. You kiss me in a chaste way, but no less intense as before.

“NOW I go make breakfast… stay here, exactly like this" you say and I hold your hand until you leave for good. I see you disappearing down the corridor and then I lie on my back again, arms outstretched and the feeling of being the happiest person on earth.


	11. Comfort zone

**Jane POV**

I keep looking at the board with the crime-scene photos to try to get to the bottom of this case. When Korsak came into the office, he sees my tiredness and tells me to go home. We've given enough for today. My head doesn't really connect much... better get back on the case in the morning, fresh in mind. 

I’m going out of the station when I hear the elevator doors open and an unmistakable sound of heels. You're probably the only one in the whole department who wears heels to work all the time. You say hello, to get my attention, and I'll stop and wait for you.

"Oh my God, Jane, you look like hell... bad day?" "Thanks, Maura. You always know how to cheer me up," I say sarcastically. 

"I have an idea to make your evening better..." you tell me, like you're about to give me some exciting news.

“How about a pizza and movie night?" 

Despite the tiredness, I feel I need to switch off and have some relax. But I know your taste, and I don't think I could handle a romantic period piece. 

"I'll choose the movie, though..." I make this clear, bossy. 

“All right, as long as you don't propose me a 007 movie with Sean Connery again," you say with negotiation spirit. 

“But..." I say to you, pride-wounded. I forced you to see them all. 

"That’s a deal!" you say yielding. You know it's the kind of movie that always cheers me up and you know from my face that I really need it.

I arrive at your house after stopping at the video rental, and when you open me I wave the DVD in front of your eyes as if I had the trump card in my hand. 

"Tonight I amaze you, Doctor. I brought you a 007 film… but starring Daniel Craig!" and as soon as I say those words trying to maintain an MI6 agent aplomb, you burst out laughing. You let me in, and a few minutes later, the pizza comes. Open a bottle of wine and we'll make ourselves comfortable on the couch to eat it, starting the movie. During the more intense scenes, I see you try to keep yourself from closing your eyes, almost embarrassed to show that you are not comfortable with the shooting scenes. I, on the other hand, can't enjoy it like crazy.

After we finished our dinner, you start to feel a little cold, so go get a blanket and spread it over our legs. At one point, I don't know if it's the sweet warmth or the eyes getting heavier and heavier, I fall asleep.

**Maura POV**

No longer hearing your enthusiastic comments at every explosion, I turn around and see you nodded off. Your face now is relaxed, different from when I saw you today on your way out of work. You had the classic expression of when you can't get to the bottom of a case: you're too stubborn and adamant with yourself to admit you can't always find the solution on the first try. We are very much alike in this, although science has helped me to understand that certain answers need time.

You only need a few minutes to get a heavier sleep, I understand why you move trying to find a more comfortable position and you snuggled up next to me. And little remains of the strong, imperturbable Jane. I see that Jane that only I was lucky enough to know again. You were actually trying to hide this side of yourself also from me. How I miss those moments. I wish I didn't miss them so much, because what you did hurt me. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out the reasons for your behaviour. In one fell swoop, I'd lost my best friend and the love of my life. I couldn't accept it. You move your head in your sleep and a lock of hair slides in front of your face. I take it away, and while I'm doing it, I caress your cheek. Just the touch of your skin gives me a chill.

Yet you seem to be a magnet to me, there's a force drawing me to you. You're still turning over in your sleep when your face rests on the back of the sofa and turns towards me. It seems like you're looking at me, also with your eyes closed. My breath accelerates, the serenity of your face reminds me why I fell in love with you: just because of this side of you, inaccessible to the rest of the world. I caress your cheek again, gently... I don't want to risk waking you. This moment seems to be a gift for me, to give me a moment of joy after all that has happened. And I don't know how, I can't resist and put my lips on yours. Just that touch is enough to make me retrace in my mind all the most significant moments of us... when I realized I felt something more, the night we made love for the first time, our weekends away from everything and everyone... our breakup, the half-told truths... the choice to stay here. I gently peel my lips from yours, and I notice you're still asleep.

You'll never know about this moment. I'm not ready to start over with you, I'm afraid… to suffer like I did, afraid that you're not ready to face the judgment of others for us… maybe even I am not ready to do this yet. You ran away once, you chose the easy way... you chose for both of us. One day maybe this fear will go away. And we’ll be able to be back together.


	12. You and I - pt. 1

_Flashback_

**Maura POV**

I had to come to work alone this morning. You had some investigating to do in the suburbs, so I came downtown myself. I'm a little sorry because it's fun to start the morning together, having breakfast with a sense of everyday life as a dated couple, and then get out of the car when we arrive at the police station and go back to being just Jane and Maura, just a close-knit colleague. When we talked about telling about us to our friends and family, we agreed that it was not yet time. 

I arrive at my office and I see an envelope on top of my desk, which is very unusual because I never receive mail at work. I look at who it is right away, but the name written as sender tells menothing. That's funny because I usually have a good memory for names. I decide to open the envelope, and I start reading the contents. I can't believe my eyes, a scream of joy comes out of my mouth and when I see my colleagues in the lab looking at me badly through the glass window, I instantly pull myself together. 

«I'll swing by your place after work tonight. I have some good news for you. I love you, M.» I'll text you.

"Susie, I have to go out and run some errands. Can you do without me for a few hours?" I yell at my assistant in the next room. 

"Of course, Doctor, don't worry" she replies, but when she's halfway through the sentence I'm already running to the elevator. You don't like surprises, but something tells me you're gonna like this one.

**Jane POV**

Since you texted me, I've been trying to see if I could get some more details out of you. I'm too curious and you know I hate to be on pins and needles... and that's why you're enjoying this! I didn't even get to stop by your office to say hello: the missing person case fortunately worked out for the best and we didn't need your help. 

I arrive at my house and I want you to hurry, so I write to you:

«You haven't given me a single clue... you're despicable! You better move and tell me what's going on» I send the message and put the phone on the kitchen table, but after half a second I come back and think about it. I decided to give you an incentive. 

«PS I'm about to go take a shower...»

I'm heading to the bathroom, not without turning on the stereo with some rock sound. I'm as out of tune as you are, but singing in the shower helps me wash away the day's tiredness.

My hair is still wet when I hear you ringing the door. I come to open you, and I'm ready to welcome you with a kiss, when I see that you have a bulky package with you, that you struggle to get through the door.

I'll help you and I'll take it to get it through the entrance unharmed and put it on the coffee table in the living room. 

"What's this?" I say surprise, trying to figure out what the contents of the mystery package might be. We have plenty of time before we get to an anniversary, and you know well my birthday's months away. So to what do I owe the honor? 

"Don't you feel like you're forgetting something, Detective?" you ask me to stand still by the door, which you just closed behind you. I come back to you and I start talking like I'm making assumptions about one of our cases. 

“It's not my birthday... and it’s not my name day, Maura, so I really can't..." 

You interrupt my rant with a kiss, short but passionate.

"I meant you were forgetting THIS, genius!" you say making fun of me. In fact, I didn't particularly shine a light on this occasion. 

"Come on, open it..." you continue. 

I get all excited, like a kid on Christmas morning. I open it and bend my head slightly, puzzled… it’s a suitcase. 

"Look inside!" you invite me, seeing my face a little confused. I open the zipper and see there's an envelope inside. I look at you more and more disoriented as I open it and see that inside there is a coupon for a weekend in a beach house and two plane tickets. Wow, I'm... happy and surprised and... still a little confused and you realize it's time to give me some more details. 

"Does the name Dennis Rockford mean anything to you?" 

My expression becomes ironically concentrated and after a few seconds of fake reflection, I shake my head and say no. 

"But I'm sure you remember him. They brought him into the lab as dead, but..." 

"Oh yes, now I remember... Zombie Man!" when I remember how hilarious that scene was.

"Yes, well... he owns some residences he rents in Malibu and Santa Monica. He still felt he owed me for saving his life, and he decided to repay me like that and...let's say I'd like to have company for the travel". "Wow, that's great. So you're telling me we're going to have a weekend together, just you and me?" I can't hold my breath when I see you nod your head.

"How are we gonna do the job? Damn, it looked too easy..." I mean, sulking. 

"I've already taken care of everything, of course! Only you'll have to forgive me for deciding on your behalf when to take advantage of your vacation days..." you say, doubting whether you got a bit carried away. 

I hug you, I rarely like surprises, but you really nailed it. "Just one more question..." I say, interrupting for a second that overflowing moment of happiness. "I still don't understand what the suitcase has to do with this..."

"Let's just say it's a way to get you to retire that poor bag you use as luggage... you own it since you were in the police academy!" you tell me sweetly, but firmly. "Her name is Betsy and she's only got a few bad stitches here and there," I reply, acting as my bag, wounded in pride. 

"...thank you...it's a really nice gift. Everything is, I can't believe we're going to have a weekend where it's just you and me!" I cancel the distance between us and kiss you deeply, ‘cause I want to let all the love I feel for you pass through my lips.


	13. You and I - pt. 2

**Jane POV**

The alarm clock rings very early, we have to catch the plane at almost dawn. Fortunately, the journey is very smooth and we have a chance to catch up on some sleep. I can't help but smile when I think back to the way you held my hand at take-off… you're not afraid of flying, but the feeling of the plane coming off the ground seems to have some effects on you. It was a spontaneous gesture, almost a reflex, and you looked at me almost to apologize for it. Relax, Maura, I'm here… I just looked back at you, without saying a word, but you seem to understand perfectly.

We arrive at the airport, we rent a car and head towards our destination. It’s really a beautiful day, there's a light breeze, which makes the heat more bearable. We parked in front of the house and find the keys exactly where Mr. Dead-Not-Dead said he left them, and we go inside. It is really a wonder: the entrance is spacious and you can immediately see the kitchen, the dining room and, just beyond the latter, the living room. I leave my suitcase and go inside to study every corner of this beautiful house. Now I understand why he's loaded, the rents will be star prices! In the living room there is a large window overlooking the spacious wooden terrace, with a table and chairs for outdoor dining, and you can enjoy a spectacular view of the sea, a very short path leads to the beach, and I am captivated by that view.

You come up and hug me from behind and we stop to contemplate the sea together. It seems an everyday gesture, like this has been our life forever. I want to breathe deeply right now. I don't want to miss a moment of it. You put your chin to my shoulder and invite me to go see the rest of the house. I'll follow you and we'll go upstairs. We split up to discover the different rooms. This house is huge... you probably don't have the same feeling as me - after all, your house is too - but when I think about my mini apartment... okay, better think about something else. I'm looking around when I hear you call me. 

“Jane, come here!" 

You're screaming for my attention. I follow your voice and join you in what I discover to be the master bedroom, and it's simply beautiful. Also here there is a window that allow you to see the sea from the bed. I stop at the entrance for a moment, to look at you: you too, who grew up in a very rich family, who spent the summer holidays in France, you are amazed by all this. And it's good to see you so happy. You really are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. You turn to me and I realize you want me next to you, I hug you and I kiss your forehead. I try with my eyes, with my skin, with all my senses to stop this moment in my mind. I want to remember every perception of this moment.

We get settled, and then we decide to go for a walk on the beach. We're talking a bit of everything, walking on the shore, when you start making a speech full of your only incomprehensible terms about the marine fauna that populates the coasts of this area. I can't resist, I stop so you can go a little bit forward, you don't notice and I throw some water on you. You turn around and look at me, with a face between surprised and angry. But you can't even hold a pout for 10 seconds, and I see you coming towards me. You get revenge, and in an instant we find ourselves so carefree, getting each other wet. I grab you by the arms and hold you, and when I get a firm grip, with one hand I start to tickle you - that you suffer terribly - and to try to escape you end up falling to the ground, dragging me with you. The waves, small sheets that cyclically arrive on the shoreline, pass under you, wetting your back and your hair scattered. I look around and there is absolutely no one who can disturb us, it feels like we are in a corner of paradise, just for us. My lips come closer to yours and eat them greedily, when a wave a little stronger surprises us, wetting both of us. Your sundress fits your shape perfectly, and I feel I must have you. I'll pick you up before another wave comes, and I'll carry you all the way home, like you were my bride. I can't resist looking into your eyes for long: I see a pure, unconditional love, and I feel like I don't deserve this luck.

**Maura POV**

You lift me off the shore and walk towards the house, carrying me in your arms. They're strong and they make me feel protected, and I feel like there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I look at you and you cross my eyes for a few seconds... you don't seem to feel worthy of all this. I keep looking at you, I want you to feel that this happiness is for you, that you are a wonderful person and you deserve nothing less than to be happy. You come inside the house, you get me down on my feet and I take you by the hand, dragging you back to our room. As soon as we get inside, I'll freeze up and lure you to me to kiss you. I would like to seal with this kiss what my eyes were trying to make you understand. My tongue is knocking at your mouth, looking for his mate desperately. When our tongues cross, they seem to complete each other in a heady dance. Our hands slowly touch by our palms, as if we were each other's reflection. I'll caress your hips and accompany you to the edge of the bed. I take off my wet dress, and I stay in my underwear. You look at me and the way you do it makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.I've never had problems with my body, in fact, but the feelings that make me feel your looks go beyond all that. 

I'll get closer and sit astride you, pulling your hair out before I put my lips back on yours. Your face comes towards mine, and you draw me more to you by passing your hands behind my back. I keep looking for your eyes, which escape as soon as I cross them, until I take your head in my hands and block your gaze in mine. I want you to feel beautiful, desired, loved like no other person ever has. You need it, I can feel it, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You release my breasts, and take them gently with your hands, massaging them. I take your shirt off and I see you're not wearing anything underneath. That vision blocks me for an instant, taking my breath away. I put my hands first on your shoulders, strong, then on your abs, defined, perfect. Your gaze longs for me as I rise up touching your breast. Your grip on my back gets stronger, and you dig your nails on it, but it's still a controlled touch, like you’re afraid of hurting me. How could you, Jane? With my body I lean against you until you lie on the bed, making our forms adhere perfectly. I kiss your neck greedily, leaving some mark of my passing.

Every fiber of my being is driven by the desire to make love with you. No rush, no brakes, no fear. Just us. I can feel your skin trembling under the touch of my fingers, and this makes me burn even more with desire. Your hands come down from my back to my bottom and you grab it hard, pushing me towards you, as if there is still distance between us. In a moment you turn the positions over and push me higher, so that I lie down completely on the bed. You kiss every inch of my hips and abdomen, in a slow rise that leads you to lick a nipple, which hardens as soon as it feels your touch. You kiss it and then you take it completely with your mouth. You look like you don't want to let it go for anything in the world, and the attention you give them is starting to make me moan, calling out your name. I slightly raise my back from the bed, to feel your mouth own even more. With one hand you go down slowly, until you reach the lace edge of my underwear, slipping it off, helping with the other hand. I raise my pelvis to accommodate you. You take off my panties and drop them on the floor, while you come back to lie on top of me, but slightly to the side, with your leg between mine, pressing slowly on my center. My breathing gets more labored as you don't stop caressing me for a moment. I extend my hand until I reach your underwear: when I pass my fingers over the fabric, I immediately feel that you are definitely wet.

You're impatient, so with a quick movement you quickly take off that last piece of clothing, and you lie beside me. You put your hand under my neck, and with the other you hold me in a hug. You sniff my hair, and I can feel you relaxing.

"You smell like the sea... I love that smell on you” you tell me, tenderly. 

I stop to look at you and, without taking my eyes off you, I'm on top of you again. With my quivering mouth I grab one of your nipples that I start torturing greedily, driven by an unstoppable passion. Your small but well-proportioned breasts woo me over every second more. Your hands push my pelvis towards yours, making me move above you, clashing our intimacies. As soon as your breathing grows labored, your hands move and you grab my breast while I keep moving on top of you. At a certain point your hands come back on my hips and push me to break that contact, only to feel you slide with your body down, until you reach with your head right in front of the center of my pleasure. You start kissing and licking my intimacy. I'm totally at your mercy. I put my fingers in your hair and I draw you to me, as if that weren't enough. I recover for a moment from this vortex of passion, and I don't know how hard I'm going to break away from you. It's not enough for me to feel like yours. I also want to make you mine. I need to make you mine. Your gaze is slightly confused, surprised, as you see me turning and descending slowly on your body, while my intimacy trembles close to your face. As soon as my mouth gets on your clit, you let go a sigh of pleasure.

"Oh Maura ..." you whisper, and the sensation of your warm breath of intimacy makes me feel something I've never felt before. You take my hips and pull me even more close to your mouth. Our tongues move on our centers in unison, and we quickly come close to pleasure. You can no longer hold back your yells with pleasure, so you continue your torture by gently letting two fingers into me. 

“Oh, my God, Jane..." I sigh, breathless with pleasure your thrusting generate in me. And your pushes become stronger, while I decide to fight fire with fire. Our breaths become closer, more intense, more energetic, while the air is filled with our passionately sighed names. Until we finally reach the apex, together, shouting our names, before laying our mouths down again to taste the fruit of our desire to the last. We spend the rest of the day under the covers, without feeling the need to get dressed, free to enjoy every second of the complete view of each other's bodies. I fall asleep, in your arms, protected, loved, safe. In my sleep I almost seem to hear you tell me that you love me, several times, and even if it was just an illusion of mine, that thought makes me have peaceful dreams.

  
  


I wake up and from an initial analysis of the sunset hues I see through the window, I realize it's almost dinnertime. I go out on the balcony and smell an inviting scent coming from the main terrace. Jane Rizzoli, I hope there's something tofu or seitan in those burgers you're grilling or there's gonna be serious trouble. I'll join you on the terrace when I stop by the door and look at you. In front of me a vision seems to take shape: we are in a house, big with a garden and you are cooking your usual Sunday barbecue. As you turn the meat, I notice a detail on your hand. You're wearing a wedding ring. And I feel sad for a second thinking if it's Casey's or Cameron's, or who knows who else... two children run in the meadow, play, chase each other, when the little one hides in front of your legs and as soon as the other child approaches, you pick him up and load him on your shoulder, making them laugh like crazy. And your smile is...just perfect! I wonder why my mind plays this nasty trick on me now that we're enjoying this love escape. And the melancholy seems to take me when you call me, inviting me to join you... my mind for a moment does not distinguish between dream and reality. Then I hear the two kids' voices calling me "mommy” and then I touch my hands when I look at them and I see a wedding ring on my finger and... "Maura, are you okay?" your voice brings me to reality, it was a dream, just a nasty trick of my subconscious.

"Yes, Jane, I'm sorry, you were saying?" I'm answering you distractedly. I realize that tears are going to scratch my face and there's not much I can do to stop them. "Sorry Jane, I think I got smoke in my eyes" I tell you before I disappear back into the house and leave you there. You must have bought it because you don't come looking for me. I feel such a fool, being caught up in a simple daydream like that. Maybe because I never thought I could desire that kind of life...until I accepted my love for you, but especially until I saw how great your love for me is. 

This weekend passes too quickly, the time to leave is approaching inexorably, when I think it will be hard to return to normality, since this is the only normality I want: to be able to live our relationship out in the open, without filters, without conditioning. We are already on the plane, ready to leave this paradise, when the take-off starts and instinctively my hand searches yours, as it happened at the departure flight. You turn to me and kiss me, with one hand caressing my cheek. "Maura, it's gonna be okay” you tell me, without taking your eyes off mine, before you put a sweet kiss on my forehead. You saw my fears in my eyes, you read them like an open book, and you know how to calm me down. Everything seems possible with you by my side. I fall asleep peacefully, with my head resting on your shoulder.


	14. It’s more than I can stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I'm taking this small space to leave a message to the readers of this fic. I'm really happy to see that you are numerous, especially considering that it's based on a TV series that ended a few years ago. I hope you will continue to follow the next chapters, I still have several ideas and I hope you will enjoy how they will be developed.

**Jane POV**

I hear the phone ring, I turn to pick it up when I fall down making a noisy thud on the floor. A parquet floor... and in my house there are tiles. I open my eyes and realize I'm in YOUR house. Damn, I fell asleep on your couch last night. That's no good. I'm gonna have back pain all day. I get up to check that you haven't seen my stupid fall, when I see that you are just coming down the stairs and greeting me listlessly. That's not a good sign. 

“Good morning, Maura. Sorry, I shouldn't have fallen asleep." 

“Don't worry Jane, no problem" you reply, more busy making coffee than making me feel like a welcome guest. 

“You could have woken me up, I would have gone home... I didn't want to take advantage" 

“Really Jane, it doesn't matter" you tell me, without being able to hide a slightly absent tone, almost annoyed, and I can't understand if it's because of my repeated apologies or the fact itself. 

"Do you want coffee?" you change the subject, but your tone is the same. I'm nodding my head back as I'm trying to get my head around... what if I did something wrong in my sleep that I don't remember? No, that's an exaggerated assumption. But there's something about your coldness I'm missing. And like a good detective, I won't rest until I find out what this is all about.

We can't even get halfway through our breakfast, our phones ringing in unison.

"Rizzoli..." 

“Dr. Isles..." 

It's almost like a ritual that we're getting synchronized work calls. I offer to drive you to work in my car, to repay your hospitality. You accept willingly, so you can start checking your emails. Your ability to be immediately active in the morning surprises me every time. We arrive at the crime scene, you head straight to the victim's bedroom, where the young woman's body is, while I stop with Korsak in the living room for some relief. We catch up with you and you start to tell us the outcome of your first checkups. You're so sexy when you're focused, I almost forget that what you're looking at so carefully is a dead body. When we finish with the crime scene analysis, we'll head downtown to rebuild the victim's network of contacts. 

While I'm analyzing with Korsak and Frankie the photos of the crime scene, you call me asking me to meet you at the lab: the M.O. is identical to that of a murder committed a few months ago. The thing that doesn't add up is that the killer's been in jail ever since. The friends and the analysis of the victim's laptop allow us to discover a relationship between her and a D.A., who happened to have handled the related case. He was one of the few people who knew some of the details of the M.O. never released to the press. We ask him some questions... he seems genuinely shaken by the girl's death, but the alibi doesn't hold up. Also, in the meantime, you discover that there are several traces of him in the apartment. Something's not right, my intuition tells me. Why deny he was there while easily admitted to the affair with her? This doesn't make any sense.

Korsak and I go to the suspect's house, take him away, formalize the arrest. In the meantime, the station is being stormed by photographers and journalists. I hate when that happens. Chiefs in high places won't like the news getting out that fast. After a few hours, his wife makes bail, and we're forced to let him go awaiting trial. I'm coming to your office, I need to confront with you about my doubts, which are getting more and more hammering: every times I explain my theory to you is enlightening. Everything seems to frame him: too many details, those fingerprints... I'm in front of your office when I see you're not alone, there's a guy... I remember him, you met him at university, when you hold that forensic medicine seminar, not long ago. I stop there to see what's going on: you're so caught up in the conversation with him that I doubt you'll notice me, but I'm still more out of the way, without even taking my eyes off the scene for a moment. At a certain point he grabs you by the hips and approaches you… I clench my fists so hard that my knuckles turn white, and when I think I've seen enough, I find myself in front of an image that makes my heart lose a beat. He's kissing you... those lips… those lips I kissed, I loved… those lips that made me jerk just looking at them, not to mention when they touched my body... now they're someone else's. How is it possible...you've already moved on? Did you really just erase our history like that? He gets away from you, and when he gets out of your office, I hide around the corner so he doesn't see me.

I'm trying to calm my heart that seems crazy, I shouldn't be jealous... I lost that right the night I told you I didn't love you. I try to pull myself together when I leave my hiding place to come to your office and I see you looking at me through the window. Did you see me? Then why do this to me, why let him kiss you here, when you wouldn't even let me touch your hand at work? I walk into the office and close the door behind me, pretending nothing's happened. I'll fight my demons later. 

“Jane, I was trying to find a way to tell you before you found out... like this. Jack and I are dating." 

“Oh, okay, you don't owe me any explanations, Maura," I try to make my words sound convincing. 

"I think I do," you tell me, feeling guilty about the way I found out. It wasn't revenge, it just happened. But you understand that I'm not ready to talk about it and you accept it.

“Do you need something?" go on.

"Actually, I came to talk to you about the case... there's something I'm not sure about. The suspect seems very sincere to me... he really loved her, he wouldn't have killed her like that. There's no reliable motive, but the evidence is all against him... I'm afraid he was framed." "Okay, let's go over the evidence again," you tell me, but on that comes Frankie with the audio of a message the suspect left his wife a few minutes ago after she told him she wanted to end their marriage. He wants to end it. We listen to it repeatedly until some background noises lead us to locate where it might be, ready to make that extreme gesture. I walk out and you tell me you’ll come with me, trying to save him. 

After few minutes we get to the bridge and see his car stopped. I ask you to stay by the car to don't scare him. We get off and without a second's thought I start to convince him not to jump, not to commit that terrible act. I try to approach him slowly until I feel my words are having the desired effect.

"Be careful, Jane. Please" I hear you say, but my attention is already totally focused on the man. I'm going over to the other side of the railing to help him get back inside. The man reaches out his hand to mine, when with one false step he slips and falls into the water. I was paralyzed by that scene for a moment, but then I understand what I have to do. I turn to you and your frightened eyes look at me. 

"Jane, don't do it," I hear you say as I turn around and decide to dive in to save him.

**Maura POV**

You're talking to him, and for what I see, even with that darkness, the situation seems to be resolving. He's getting close to you, but he slips. I can tell by the thud, he fells in that cold, deep water... I come close to you to help you get back in, when I see you turn to me and your eyes seem to say "forgive me Maura". 

I can't see you anymore. You disappeared into the darkness of that water, too. I can't see you, I can't see you rising to the surface and I feel like I'm dying. 

I call Korsak and Frank, and we immediately start arranging rescue. The darkness and the currents make it hard to know where you could be. But I know you're a fighter, and I know you're trying to survive. There's not much rescuers can do until morning, with the help of the sunlight. But you've been in the water for hours now, in the cold Boston water, and I know you're a good swimmer, but... no, I don't even want to think about it. This waiting destroys me, I have the image of your eyes fixed in my head. I can't help but think... what if that was the last time you looked at me, if last night's conversation was the last between us... if that kiss... was the last memory you'll ever have of me. My throat suddenly becomes dry, and my breath is wheezing. I'm trying to get out of a couple of port sheds. I cannot let anyone see me in this state. I can't. My eyes are getting wet. I can't breathe. I recognize it, I recognize these symptoms... a panic attack. I'm trying to get a glimmer of reason. I know how to deal with it. I apply the breathing techniques I had studied and after a few minutes I feel a certain relief. I hear the phone ringing, I try not to think about it for a couple of seconds until I feel ready to answer it.

Frankie on the other side of the phone tells me to join him on the quayside: a call came from a fisherman, who saw something offshore. I run to him and we see the boat docking. I can't stand still until I finally see you. You have a blanket on your shoulders, you're soaked, cold and still terrified of the experience. Frankie's running to hug you. I'll follow him walking slowly. Not that I'm not eager to run and hug you, but I'm still trying to send away the specter of fear I had. I don't want you to read it in my eyes. I'll join you and you hug me. You don’t just want to do it, you need it.

“Oh Maura, I've never been so happy to see you!" you tell me. I feel like I'm losing control of all those emotions, but I can't let them go. 

"Well, I'll wait for you at the station..." I reply coldly. I untie that hug, too soon for you, and I'm walking to my car. Without crossing anyone's eyes. Not even yours.

**Jane POV**

My mom just moved out of my apartment. She came to see how I was and take care of me a little bit. I'm all alone and I can't help but think about you. The way you immediately interrupted our embrace, the coldness of your greeting...but even if in passing, what I saw in your eyes when I crossed them was anything but coldness. You left me saying you'd meet me at the station, but they gave me the rest of the day off... so I'd say I have the perfect excuse to write you. I need to talk to you, to figure out what's wrong. After a few minutes, I hear the door ringing. I see you standing here in front of me, and I can't believe you rushed over to my house. You don't even say hello, you need answers. I let you in and you start asking me how I feel: your voice is calm, but your body seems to show a completely different state of mind. Your eyes are swollen, your makeup slightly smudged. That image destroys me. I tell you that after all, even though the jump was high, I don't have great pain except for a few bumps due to the impact with the water. I'll signal you to sit with me on the couch.

"I know what I did was dangerous”

"Didn't you think about any of us before you jumped?" you tell me, talking about an us, when I know your question was actually whether I thought about you before I did. 

"No... I didn't think about you... I didn't think about anyone but helping the poor guy. It was my duty" I answer you. 

It was instinct that drove me to jump, but then I got scared. I only had one person in mind... you. For a moment I thought about stopping fighting, against the cold, the fatigue... but then I thought about your smile. I could see it fade away as my arms and legs slowed down. When all that was left was a distant mirage, I would resume. I wanted to fight to get back to you. Even if you'd never love me back... I'd accept it. But I can't tell you that. Only yesterday I saw you kissing someone else. You're not mine anymore, and those words could only make you feel worse. 

"I know you only thought about doing your duty, to save that man... that's why you're the best," you say to me, and your tone becomes sorry... almost... resigned. "The best to work with, but the hardest to love..." continue. You look down, almost ashamed of the words you just said. I call your name, to invite you to raise your eyes, but it doesn't seem to have any effect. Then I place my hand just below your chin, bringing your face towards me.

"Maura, look at me. What's going on?" I ask you and in that instant I realize that your eyes are shiny, your mouth is contracted, as if you don't want to miss the words that press out. 

“You know you can tell me anything..." I add, trying to make things easier for you. There's nothing you can't tell me. We've been through so much together. 

"I need to talk to you about yesterday... when you saw me and Jack in my office," you tell me, looking guilty. "You mean when you kissed him..." I'm just saying. I can't believe those words actually came out of my mouth. 

"Jane, you can't..." you whisper. You can't even finish the sentence. You take a deep breath, I feel like I can see the mixed feelings on your face right now, and before I have time to apologize, you start talking again. 

"He called me to find out how I was while I was visiting my mother. We texted for a while before he asked me out.”

"You don't owe me an explanation, Maura" I stop you. I'm really only telling you this to don't have to hear anything more. The idea that you're someone else's, that you’re not mine anymore, makes me angry. I wonder that there may be something that you want and that I, unlike a man, cannot give you, but beyond that there is much more that I cannot bear. I remind the image of his hands on you, his lips on yours. What if you had gone further? I almost seem to see him, driven by passion, asking you for more, asking you for those caresses, to become his. And it's like a fiery iron, a mark imprinted on my chest. I can't do it, it hurts too much. 

"Yes, you do, Jane... there's more I have to tell you," you go on, and I'm afraid what the drift of this conversation might be.


	15. Just give me a reason

**Maura POV**

"Would you have something to drink?" I ask you, and your gaze is distracted for a moment by thoughts that were taking you somewhere else, and you seem relieved. I know there's nothing in your fridge but... 

"One beer? I'm sorry, but that's all I've got" you tell me, as if that’s unusual. You pass me the bottle and I take a few sips in a row. I need all the help I can find to talk to you, even if it comes from alcohol. 

My hands start to shake, you see it and try to grab them between yours, but as soon as you touch them, I put them away from you. I can't feel your touch now. 

“Jane, I really thought I'd lost you today," I tell you, as my voice grows more uncertain with every word. 

"Hey, Maura, I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with you and Jack?" you interrupt me. I feel a weight that seems impossible to throw away from my shoulder… from my heart. 

"I'm asking you please, Jane... listen to me without interrupting. It's hard enough..." 

I feel like it’s me on the railing now, ready to throw myself into the freezing waters of Boston. 

“I stopped by the house this morning to freshen up while waiting to hear from the patrols update on search of you. Jack cameby to check on me. I sent him away, I didn't want him there... he told me we'd find you and everything would be fine. He kept telling me that whatever happened, he would be by my side" 

I feel the words come out like a river in flood. I try to keep control of my emotions, no matter how difficult it is. I cross your eyes, but I can't hold your gaze. I look again at the beer bottle I'm holding in my hands and I notice my fingers are tearing the label to shreds. You notice it too, because you stretch your hands towards mine again and this time I don't resist.

"Jane, just the thought of not seeing you again..." I say while starting sobbing. I put the bottle on the coffee table and cover my face with hands. I hear in my ears the words I just said, and I burst into tears. Your hand starts going over my back trying to calm me down. But it seems to have the opposite effect because my crying is getting louder and louder. Your touch... just a few hours ago I really thought I'd never feel it again.

**Jane POV**

You're upset, but it doesn't seem to be just because of what happened to me. There's more, so I keep running my hand up and down your back... let it out, Maura, take out what's bothering you. I'm here. 

"I told him I couldn't hang out with him anymore... because..." you tell me, and I stop breathing for a moment. That pause seems to last an eternity and I fear what may come out of your mouth. Almost as much as I fear that what I hope for will not come out instead. 

“Because I still love you, Jane. Despite everything, despite how much you hurt me… despite all. I knew it since the moment I saw you after I kissed Jack. And this morning, on that platform..." 

Now you look at me, with tears in your eyes, and I feel like I'm dying. I feel so stupid for not understanding that. You weren’t cold: you were only trying to hide what you felt. You tried with all of yourself, and you succeeded too well. 

"Maura, it's been an intense day, especially for you. I've been too busy trying to survive, but you've had time to think, to haunt yourself... I think you're not thinking clearly. Maybe you should call Jack..." I'm telling you, and I'd like to slap my face. You told me you loved me, despite everything that happened. I should be happy, but I can't help but wonder if you really have these feelings for me or if the weariness of the day is guiding your words. I would hate if your words won’t be true in the light of a new day.

"No, Jane... you can't belittle it like that. I won't let you." You answer me determinedly, and perhaps a little hurt. "I never forgot you, and for a while I fought against my feelings for you. They were always there: I tried to lock them in a drawer and throw the key, but I couldn't do it," you continue, as your voice becomes more secure, your gaze more decidedly on me. 

“You can't say that, you can't make me feel that way" I say, when I see you stand up and start walking nervously back and forth. 

"Damn it, Jane, I'm telling I never stopped loving you! Do you want to understand that?" 

You raise your voice and I understand that your endurance has reached its limits. I'd like to abandon my defenses and approach you, let myself go without hesitation. But I need to be sure what you're telling me is true. You're walking up and down behind the sofa when the sound of your heels on the floor becomes unbearable and I block your wrist on your umpteenth step. I don't even need to see you to catch you: my muscles seem to sense exactly where you are.

**Maura POV**

You grab me by the wrist: it almost seems as if your hand is being guided by some sort of unconditional reflex. Our eyes are looking on opposite side of the room, like our bodies. You're still on the couch, and I interrupted my frantic walk to try to calm down. Everything seems to stop in this room. We stay like this for seconds, which seems like hours. We're still motionless when your voice sounds like a flare in a dark, cold night. 

“Maura... you deserve the best, and it's not me." 

Your voice is like a cold blade. Why Jane, why don't you think you're my happiness? Why do you insist on thinking that you don't deserve to be happy, that you don't deserve me? I can't rest, I'd like to sweep away your doubts, your uncertainties. 

“Jane... the only thing I know is that if I think of a happy moment in my life in the last few years, any of it is without you on my side. And we deserve to be happy, together...you deserve my love" I tell you while moving to come to sit in front of you. I'm gonna bring my face closer to yours until I can feel our breaths merge. The temptation to kiss you, to let my body show you the love I feel, is strong. But it's been a hard day for both of us. 

“I love you Jane," I whisper to you, with my lips still close to yours, before I stand up and get out. Leaving your apartment like that was the toughest test I've ever faced.

  
  



	16. Since you been gone

**Maura POV**

Less than 24 hours and you are back to work.   
I can’t see you for all the day, but when I meet Frankie at the bar, he tells me you've been busy with the arrest of your dive buddy's wife. She was the young girl's killer, and she set him up. Looks like you were right. Your instinct was spot on… again. I leave the station early: after a day spent in the room better known as "The Kingdom of the Dead", working on corpses of unsolved cases, I can't wait to take a bath. I don't feel bad, with dead I mean... I've always preferred patients I couldn't hurt more than someone or something had already done. But I must admit that after a day in their midst, a bath is a must have, perhaps with scented candles. When I get home, I immediately indulge in that long-awaited ritual of relaxation, and when I go out I feel so relaxed that I absolutely don't want to put myself over the stove. I'll put on something comfortable, a wide sweater and some sweatpants. I really want to relax. I start studying the home delivery service flyers when I hear the doorbell ring.

"Hey, Maura, sorry I didn't call -- can I come in? I hope I'm not disturbing you..." 

“No problem, Jane, no problem," I said. I make one step back to let you in.

"Were you picking dinner?" you tell me, as soon as you notice the brochures on the kitchen table. I ask you if you want to stay, before more questions come out of my mouth... like what you're doing here. You turn around and as soon as you look at me your gaze becomes perplexed, as if there was something unusual in front of you. You've arrived, I invited you to stay for dinner... an absolutely normal scene, which will have happened hundreds of times in years of friendship. But I can't ignore last night. You can tell by looking at me that it's time to talk about it, probably sooner than you expected.

**Jane POV**

I was hoping to persuade you to at least order dinner, and that we would discuss on a full stomach, or even just with a glass of wine in our bodies. But you don't seems to think so. 

“Maura, I've been thinking about what you said to me last night," and just saying those first words feels like taking a boulder off my chest, still wounded by the mountain that fell on it during our last conversation. Small steps, Jane -- one stroke at a time -- one boulder at a time. 

“I need to know. What happened between you and Jack?" and this is a pretty heavy boulder. 

"Jane, you can't ask me this ..." 

"But I have to, Maura ... because ..." 

I want to tell you why not knowing is wearing me down. "Because you told me you loved me ..." and just two days ago, your lips were hers. 

"Because I was a fool to let you go," and I just hope that wasn't your consolation. 

"Because I need to know" and without talking about it first, there can't be a new begin for us.

A single tear runs through my face, I couldn't hold it back, as I'm doing with the others, which invade my eyes, almost blurring my vision. Your eyes look at me, they seem to wonder if I'm ready to hear what you have to say. 

“Well?" I urge you not to hesitate any longer. 

“I slept with him," you say. And in no time I'll cancel the distance between us.

**Maura POV**

I'd love to lie to you, but I know I'm a terrible liar. And you really seem to need the truth right now. 

“I slept with him," I tell you, ashamed of what I'd done. I have no reason to, but I know why you asked me this question, and I can only feel bad about giving you this answer. You asked me because you could never decide to start again a relationship between us without knowing it. And you want to give our story that chance, you want it more than anything. As soon as you hear my words, you approach me, with a firm step towards me and kiss me. I can't understand your reaction, but then I sense feeling that drives you. It's possession, sadness...anger. For something that was yours that you felt stolen.

Your mouth goes down my neck quickly, leaving marks. You don't care that they can be noticed, you feel the need to mark my skin. You freeze for a second, surround me with your arms and I kiss your face, your cheeks... it's okay Jane. This feeling will pass, and I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Nothing and no one will ever take me away from you again. You look me in the eyes again and I see them there, still like pilots waiting for the green light, resting on your lower eyelid… tears. And I regret I didn’t lie to you, but what would it have lead to? We've already told each other too many half-truths, too many lies. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.

Your gaze goes down, while your hand move my shirt and you put a kiss on my shoulder gently. I can hear you breathing the scent of my skin at the top of your lungs. I can feel your heartbeat getting more intense, when suddenly you push me against the wall and with a decisive movement you pull down my pants and undies in one move. You come back to kiss my neck, your breath gets stronger and stronger, wheezing... it seems almost aggressive. In a moment I find your fingers inside me, and I think how much I missed that feeling. I'd like to indulge you, but I can't, not if you're like this... and I burst into tears. 

"Jane... not like this." I've never seen you, heard you like this... it's not you. You get right away from me, the look faded, lost. I repeat your name as my eyes look for you... try to understand what's happening to you. You look around like you just woke up from a nightmare. Then you look at me... you don't even recognize yourself.

“Jane, don’t worry, everything is ok”

“Maura, I… I’m sorry… please… please, forgive me”, you say. Before I can even say a word, you’ve already left.


	17. Hell & Paradise

**Jane POV**

I’m trying to reconstruct the scene in my mind, because I feel like I woke startled... like from a nightmare. But the nightmare is realizing what I was about to do to you. I remember you told me you slept with Jack. That I felt the need to have you, to make you mine... but that desire was mixed up with the images that were made up in my mind of you with him. I was caressing your hips, and in my head I saw you holding him, while he kisses your neck, and seeing your hand through his hair… I pushed my fingers inside you, and that was his name I could hear you sighing.

When you said my name, I came back to me. And I wish you had done it before, to wake me up from that bad dream. I rushed out of your house, and the only thing I told you is I’m sorry. That’s not what I wanted. I came to you to tell you that I love you, that I couldn’t stand another day without our love… without you.

I get home and I swoop on the couch. I'm crying because I've been a shit. Because I didn't have the courage to talk about it, to tell you how I felt, but I ran away. I'm crying because most likely after this I've zeroed our chances of getting back together. I wouldn't blame you. I hear a knock on the door, but I don't feel like answering it, let alone getting up to open it. Then I hear your voice... I get up and I'm about to come to the door when I stop. You are here after what happened... I don't deserve such luck, I don't deserve your understanding, but most of all... I don't deserve your unconditional love. 

“Jane, I know you're in there, and if you don't come open up, I've got a copy of your keys here with me” you specify, leaving me no choice. I can feel you already looking inside the bag when I open the door and let you in. You sit on the couch and invite me to join you, but I prefer to put some distance between us, so I sit in the armchair. Then you come up to me and you look at me with a loving look. 

"Stop fighting" you tell me without taking your eyes off mine. You take my hands with yours, and then you say words I don’t deserve to hear.

**Maura POV**

"I know it's hard for you to accept that there has been someone after you, but I can't change the past" even though I really wish I could. 

"What I can tell you is that ever since I realized that my feelings for you had never gone away, it never happened again, and that kiss you saw was absolutely unrequited". I didn't even let him touch me, with one excuse or another. 

"But especially with him it was just sex... it hasn’t been even close to what we had" and hearing me say these words, your face stretches out, even slightly. 

“I would have told you right away, when you joined me in my office, but you made it clear it wasn't time” and I think back to how it would have gone if I hadn't listened to you. 

“Maura, I didn't mean to ..." you tell me, calling my attention to what wears you the most, what happened at my home less than an hour ago.

“You've got to believe me, nothing has happened. Just as soon as I asked you to stop, you stopped”. I have a feeling that your mind has dealt you a blow and that you saw the situation differently from what really happened. Despite these words of mine, your eyes are low, sad and guilty. I lift up your chin, and my lips are just a sigh of distance from your lips. I stop for a second, I want to hear you breathe deep with me. 

“You love me: you’re enough for me and that’s enough for me to be happy, never forget it” I whisper to you before kissing you. Your lips are uncertain, passive... they are waiting for me. And that’s when I deepen the kiss. You’re afraid to follow your instincts, that your mind will go back to the images built before. But it won’t. I won’t let her. I want to make love with you, to do it with such a sweetness that I can dispel all our past doubts, to do it slowly because time is not against us, but above all to do it with such a passion that you will understand that I am completely and only yours.

**Jane POV**

When you kiss me, I feel like I want to let me go, but I can't: I still have the scene of us in your house imprinted in my mind. You feel it, you feel my fears and you tear them down one by one, a little more every inch of skin you caress. You take my hands and carry them on your hips, before you put your hand behind my head and drag me to you, letting me sit on the couch, next to you. With your look, so intense, you break down even my last resistance and finally I kiss you back, with a passion that I had not yet used. A passion that has a particular effect on me too: my mind seems to bring me images again, but different from those of before. 

_ The night I decided that your future was more important than anything... _

You start kissing my neck while you slowly take off my shirt and I see your gaze lingering to see that I’m not wearing anything under it. I just want to enjoy that feeling, feel like I’m undressed by you. Your pupils are dilated, betraying the growing passion, while you make me lie with my back on the couch, and your lips lie on my navel, to give him special attention while you take off my pants.

_ The night we discovered the effect Tequila had on us, when we first admitted to love each other. _

You lie on top of me and I can’t stop my hands anymore. I need to take off these clothes, to feel your skin against mine. You know what I’m trying to do, and in a second you get up and start taking off your dress. I’m surprised I didn’t notice it before. You didn’t go out with the same clothes you had when I came to you. You’re incorruptible, Maura Isles! I smile and you wonder what’s funny about it. I’ll sit down to better contemplate the sight of you standing naked in front of my eyes. “Nothing Maura, I’m just crazy in love with you!” I answer before kissing you. You’ve always preferred to undress yourself, I don’t know if it’s because you’re afraid I’m gonna ruin your clothes, get caught up in the moment, or who knows what else. The fact is, I’ve always found you undressing in front of me the sexiest thing in the world.

_ Our first romantic getaway, in Santa Monica, where we were alone. _

I gently grab your hips and get you close to me. I put my forehead on your womb and with one hand you start gently messing up my rebellious head. I’ll kiss you right under your stomach, and then I look at you, still standing in front of me. You gently caress my face with one hand, and as soon as you pass it on my cheek, I turn around enough to leave a kiss on it, thankful for the serenity you’re giving me. 

_ The joy of waking up with you by my side, still naked in my arms _ .

You sit on me and kiss me again. It seems our lips can't stand without each other's. You put your hand behind my neck and your tongue starts searching for mine, finds it and starts dancing together. I feel that the passion is growing and this sofa is in danger of becoming too uncomfortable soon. I would like to thank my excellent state of form which allows me, without too much effort, to get up and take you up with me. My hands grab your butt, firm and perfect, while you wrap your legs around my waist. You decide to make my life even more difficult when on the way, with one hand, you undo your bra and then let it fall to the ground.

I’m going to the room, and as soon as we get there, I gently let you fall on the bed, following your body with mine. My mouth wants to explore your breasts, my tongue groans for contact with your nipples, and I don’t intend to stop. I’d be like this torturing you for hours, while I hear your breath getting stronger and your hand between my hair pushing me more towards your chest. With the other hand you approach the edge of my underpants and after a short hesitation, you sneak in. You sigh feeling my desire for you, and I with you, because of how much as I had missed this feeling. How I missed you, Maura Isles. With one hand I first caress your face, putting the weight of my body on the other arm, then slowly descending, tasting every inch of that contact, dangerously approaching your underwear. As soon as I reach the edge of your thong, gently adorned with lace, I stop. For a moment it reminds me of what happened before, but you immediately throw away that memory when with your hand, fingers still wet of my desire, you take mine and bring it beyond that subtle boundary. You don’t leave It, not even when I finally touch your clit. I can’t help but look at you right now: our eyes are intersecting and I know your look too well: it tells me “don’t be afraid, Jane”.

You guide my fingers to caress your most sensitive point, slowly, dictating the timing of what seems for you the most pleasant of tortures. When you look like you can't wait anymore, guide my hand close to your opening. I look at you, like asking your permission... Like that night. 

_ The first time we made love, the first night I heard you scream my name. _

Gently, I get inside of you, and my hand moves slowly. You see even the last ghost seems to have gone out of my eyes, and you decide to come back with your hand to dedicate your attentions to me. But first, you turn around, and I’m lying next to you. Your eyes on my... you don’t want to let them get away. You want me to be here, with you, with every fiber of my being. And there’s nowhere else in the world I’d like to be. Our thrusts are getting stronger, our breaths are getting shorter… your lips come closer to my mouth: not to kiss me, just to hear our sighs of pleasure become one. The moans are getting stronger and stronger, uncontrolled. Your free hand leans on my shoulder, while mine clings to your side. “I love you, Jane”, you whisper a breath away from my lips, and at that distance I hear you come between my fingers, and to that feeling I also reach the apex. I can’t even talk, so I kiss you. A kiss that includes a lot... You are mine again, and this time I’m not gonna let anyone tear us apart.


	18. Blind

**Jane POV**

I wake up and I start stretching, moving blankets slightly, when I turn around and I see you here, next to me, sleeping quietly. Your uncovered back, your hair a little scuffed, your face relaxed... you are perfect. And of all the people you could have, you chosen me. I still can’t believe it.

I try to get up slowly so I don’t wake you up when I hear you whispering my name, without opening your eyes. I can’t ignore it, and I’m gonna lie down by your side and kiss you chastely.

“Good morning, sweetheart”, I say, after our brief contact. You greet me, and without opening your eyes, you knuckle closer, with your head resting in the gut of my neck. I surround you with my arm and I start caressing your shoulder, with slow movements, with my fingertips... your skin is as soft as silk. I’ll kiss you on the head and taste the scent of your hair with my nose.

We stay like this for a while until you ask me if I want to have breakfast. I think that, unlike yours, my pantry is permanently empty, but I don’t care.

"Go back to sleep, I'll wake you when breakfast is ready," I say, leaving you on my bed. I put on my sweatpants and a T-shirt and go down to the bar across the street to get breakfast.

When in doubt, I order practically the entire morning menu, and as soon as the order is ready I run straight home. I try to find something in the mess of my house that looks like a tray to bring you breakfast in bed. You're asleep again, and I almost hate to wake you. I put the makeshift tray on the nightstand and I come closer to kiss you again. You're glad when you see what I brought you. We have breakfast, slowly: it's Sunday and we don't have to go to work. You can't imagine what a joy it is to know that I can have you all to myself all day long. We spend the rest of the morning in bed, snuggling, watching TV, but also doing much more, and talking about more and less ... but above all discovering our new daily life. After making love again - I can't get enough of it - we settle down under the covers again, without feeling the need to get dressed. It's hot so I turn down the blankets a little bit...ok the heat is an excuse, I admit it: I just want to fall asleep and wake up watching my wonderful woman in all her beauty. I hug you from behind and leave a little kiss on your shoulder... I realize I'm falling asleep, filling my lungs with your perfume.

**Maura POV**

I’m always been a light sleeper. I have a feeling of hearing noises, but I don’t pay any attention... your neighborhood isn’t just residential, unlike where I live. I try not to notice when I hear a sound of steps approaching and interrupting suddenly.

“Oh my God! What the hell are you doing?”

I hear Angela’s unmistakable voice when I wake up, still a little confused. I turn to that voice and all of a sudden I realize what’s going on: your mother just saw me naked in your bed. I pull the blankets to cover us, with my gut.

“Ehm Angela, we can explain” I tell her while you’re even more in the dream world than here. I’ll give you an elbow to wake you up. You see your mother, but it doesn’t seem to upset you any more than that. It almost seems to be perfectly normal to you.

"Ma’, what are you doing here?"

You're still wrinkling your eyes: I'd find it very tender, except that the embarrassment of this situation has now taken over me.

"Wooo..." you mumble, realizing what's going on. Well awake, Jane!

“I really... Jane, is this really what we taught you?" your mother says, and you realize she didn't take it very well. I'd like to disappear from this room, get out, take my car and hit the accelerator and leave only a trail of smoke behind me. Your gaze is incredulous at the not at all veiled disapproval that shines through in the tone of her words.

"Mom, wait for me in the living room. I'll be right there," you say to her. You don't want her to say anything else. She goes out of the room and you start getting dressed. You see my mortified expression and before you reach it you turn to me.

“Maura, don't worry. I'll take care of it... stay here" you whisper to me softly, before leaving a kiss on my forehead and join your mother in the living room. You close the door behind you, I don't know whether to leave privacy to me or not to risk that I hear what you fear your mother might say.

**Jane POV**

I hate my mom and her “surprises”. That's not how I wanted her to know about us. I close the bedroom door behind me and breathe deeply. I still have to wake up, and I hate to be up when my brain hasn't started up yet. I'm afraid it’ll have to do it soon, because this conversation will be far from pleasant.

“Would you explain to me what the hell was over there?" she starts attacking right away.

"Mom, I won't tell you it's not what you think, because what you saw was absolutely unequivocal."

I don't even try to justify myself, because there's nothing to justify. My voice is calm. Of course, she might be surprised by something like this. I mean, Maura and I -- I understand the shock. But there's not just surprise in her voice, there's... disappointment and... disapproval. But I wonder, is it possible?! I'm in my fucking apartment, she came in without permission, and the one between my sheets is not a one-night stand. I understand the unfortunate situation, but it seems to me that the tone she have is quite out of place.

"Jane...of all the things you've done in your life, this is the most...stupid one!" She starts screaming. And I'm offended. Offended because there was you on that bed, someone she says she loves you like a daughter, and because I never thought my mother could be so, so...so bigoted. But I want to give her the benefit of the doubt... please tell me I'm misreading her!

"Why would it be stupid a stupid thing, explain it to me..." I ask her, with a question to dispel my doubts. "Because there's a woman in your bed, Jane!" His voice is getting louder and louder and I'm afraid you can be hearing this. - I'm sorry Mau, I'm really sorry about her - I say to myself.

"Mom, it's Maura!" I'll answer it.

“It's not A woman" I keep on, as if to scream that damn, the one in my room is a special person.

"You didn't bat an eye when you met Frost's mother and her partner. What the hell is wrong with you?" I'm trying to figure out what went off in your head.

“Jane, you’re my daughter!” He tells me, almost roaring.

“And she is the love of my life!” I reply, pulling out the lioness inside of me, too.

“Do you think it’ll last? When you realize that the world out there will never accept you, when you realize that you cannot build a family, that you cannot be mothers of your own children…”

I hesitate for a moment... I can’t believe it, it’s really what she thought. My mother doesn’t accept us. It is not a shock for the way she came to know it, or for fear that we may have ruined our wonderful friendship, but it is the fact itself that bothers her so much. As we speak, I see her turning around and my gaze follows hers.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I think I should leave. With your permission”, you say, before heading for the door.

“Maura, don’t go”, I tell you, coming towards you to stop you. I don’t want you to leave, not after what you heard. I can stop you at the door, when you put your hand behind my neck and approach our forehead.

“It’s ok, Jane... we’ll talk later, I go feed Bass” you tell me softly, like wanting to have a little moment only for us, before kissing my forehead and leaving. But the gaze you cast at my mother before you go out makes me proud of you. You froze her in a second before saying to her, with your incomparable class:

“Ms. Rizzoli, have a nice day”.

You always thought of her as a second mother, but the way she talked about you, about us, made you a tiger, ready to attack her at the jugular. I didn’t think you so protective, and I almost feel flattered. You close the door behind you and I’ll stand there, watching her, knowing I’m gonna have the second round.

**Maura POV**

I can’t hear everything you’re saying, not because you’re not speaking loudly, but because of the fury with which you’re doing it, which makes me miss a few words. I would have had a better chance if I’d seen you talking without being able to hear you. I’m very good at lip-reading.

But there are two sentences I can hear distinctly...“There’s a woman in your bed, Jane!” and it hurts me. I’ve always thought of Angela as the mother my mother couldn’t be. I welcomed her into my own home when she needed, and now that she’s seeing me with her daughter, I’m gonna be a skank? With a gesture of stiffness, I bang my fist against the door, but fortunately you can’t hear me, you’re too busy yelling at each other.

“She’s the love of my life!”...I hear your voice. And when you say these words, I can sense your desire to shout it out to the world. And that fills me with joy. I understand you don’t need me to face your mother, so I decide to get dressed and get out of my way. I lightly open the door when I hear your mother asking you if you think it’s going to last, that we’re going to resist the hardships we’re going to face, and bear to not be able to have our own family. And it’s like she’s asking me this too, your hidden spectator. I hear you hesitating, and I can’t help but understand why. It’s still too early to talk about some things, but we’re gonna do it... we have all the time in the world to do it.

I can't stand the sight of your mother, who eyes me up as if I were the conquest of a night that sadly leaves at first light, wearing the creased dress of the night before, with tousled hair. I know I'm not that for you, so I just feel so sorry for her inability to understand, to accept us. I slowly get close to you, passing a hand behind the back of your head, approaching our foreheads. A contact who wants to transmit so many thoughts to you, to give you strength. I'm with you, Jane, but you should talk without me listening in the other room. I'll be there, waiting for you, to put the pieces back together if necessary. You said I'm the love of your life, well… you're mine! But this is not the right time to tell you. I leave a tender kiss on your little head and go. Not before I electrocute Angela with a look like the fearsome Queen of the Dead I am.


	19. Completely

**Jane POV**

I stand there for a few seconds staring at the door, which you just closed behind you. I need to catch my breath before we start this conversation again. I'm trying to focus on the last attention you gave me before you leave, and now I feel ready. 

"Mom... really, I can't believe what you said," I tell her, in a resigned voice. 

“I didn't want you to find out this way, but since it happened, I want to tell you everything... from the beginning" I keep saying. 

"I've been in love with Maura for years. I don't know when, I think it was simply a truth I understood with time" and I start telling her about when I realized that I was looking at you not like people look at a friend, that the feelings I felt when I touched you by chance left me more and more puzzled, that I spent nights tormenting myself as I became more aware of my feelings. She tries several times to interrupt me, as if she doesn't want to hear one more word.

“Ma’... why are you crying now?” I say, convinced that now that she knows everything, she can’t be unhappy for us and that her tears are of joy. When her words make me realize it’s the exact opposite. 

“Because I would have preferred to remain in the illusion that it was just a one-night stand between you...I’m sorry Jane, but I can’t accept it” she says to me and in a moment my whole world seems to collapse. 

I’ve always had a close relationship with her, especially after my dad left her. And that’s why it hurts so much to say...but I have to…

“I have fought too long against my feelings, and Maura and I have been through so much... until you accept our story, until you accept… us… there will be no place for you in my life” and my voice gets sad, resigned, but I realize this is the only option. It’s not easy to tell her these words, but you come first. 

“Now go...”

"I'm your mother... You're kicking me out like this? To get back to your...woman?" she replies with contempt. "I don't think I have anything else to tell you. Now get out of my apartment!" I answer her, without even trying to hold back my anger. 

She leaves my house and I sit on the couch, exhaust. Family has always been important to me, and I just hope my mother will make peace with this situation very soon. Until then, there will be you and me. And I'm fine with that. Knowing her, I know that in a short time Frankie will know it too, but I don't want to think about that: I've already had my fair share of family drama for today.

**Maura POV**

I hear a car park in the driveway and I breathe a sigh of relief... I haven't heard from you for hours and I started to worry. I could barely resist sending you a message: I wanted to give you your space, but not knowing how you were after what, I guess, was already a difficult conversation, worried me. I come to open up to you and I can tell by your face how exhausted you are. "Make yourself comfortable, I'll prepare dinner..." 

I'm not a great chef, I don't have the creative spirit, but my precision and meticulousness make it easy for me to perform even complex recipes with good results. "Mmmmm...so you spoil me, Doc" you say, hugging me from behind and leaving a tender kiss on my cheek. My face seems to want to follow your lips, when they move away from it, and I smile as if I were a schoolgirl at my first crush. Not out of embarrassment, but because I have yet to fully realize that we are finally together again...we are us again...that this is real. You're standing at my place, wondering if I'd like some wine. How could I say no?

“Take the second bottle on the third shelf, it will match perfectly with dinner” I recommend, without taking my eyes off the pan. Only your silence attracts my attention and I see you looking at me strangely. “What’s up?” I’m asking you, because I couldn’t figure out what your expression was all about. 

“You’re telling me that you remember the place in the cellar of every single bottle of wine?” you reply, stunned. 

“Oh Jane, don’t joke” I answer as if your question were absurd. 

"...it’s just that the bottles are ordered vertically by type and...in...horizontal...for...persistence...decreasing"

I say in slow motion, as if I were ashamed, realizing that maybe your assumption was not so unfounded. Your eyes are smiling. You know my maniacal organization of anything, and even though you often make fun of me for it, you find it adorable. Honestly, I don’t know how you do it. Especially considering that we are really at the polar opposite on this!

I bake the meat and the side dish for a final roasting, it will take a few minutes. In the meantime, we’re enjoying our glass of wine, but I just think I’d like to ask you about the conversation with your mother. But the fact that you haven’t brought the subject up yet makes me refrain from doing so. 

“Maura, I know you’re dying to ask me how it went, there’s no point in trying to hide it.”

Apparently, Detective Rizzoli knows me very well. I don’t need to add anything else and you start telling me everything. 

“Jane, I can’t believe you told your mother all of that. It’s not fair, it’s your family”, I replied to you, after letting you finish. While I was waiting for you, I’ve been thinking, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I can understand your mother. Not at all. Just… a little bit.

Besides, in the past you hadn’t given her a chance to imagine being in front of a scene like this, no matter who the woman was in bed with you... if you think that less than a year ago you received a proposal from Casey! She must have been shocked to see you sleeping with a woman. And I think in that situation the fact that the woman in your bed was me, it was “only” one problem more.

“Maura, no! I made my decision and she is free to take all the time she wants to accept our story… even at that moment, she can survive without seeing her daughter” you repeat perentory. I decide not to fight back, it’s something you have to handle, as you think best. We’ll have dinner and then we’ll nap on the couch to watch a movie. Tonight would be my choice, but I try to find a good compromise between my tastes and your: love story (for me) and exciting flight scenes (for you)... Top Gun! 

We’re there hugged, with my head leaning on your neck, you hugging me with your arms, caressing my skin left uncovered by the t-shirt I’m wearing. I breathe your perfume, which relaxes me so much. At some point, your caresses stop, I think it’s because we’re at one of your favorite scenes, instead you’re somewhere else with your head.

“Maura, can I ask you a question?” your voice hesitantly. 

“Of course Jane, tell me”... I answer you, tenderly. 

“Have you ever thought about having a family?” 

Your face got tense, worried about what I could answer you. I settle down better, sitting next to you, so that I can get to grips with the subject so that I can be stronger staring at the beauty of your gaze that rests on me. 

“Seriously? Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. My family history doesn’t help, the cold relationship with my mom before and the difficulties with Hope then, always led me to be unsure of being a good mother. Nevertheless, this is something I do not automatically exclude. I just never found the right person. To tell you the truth, I never even thought about marriage… I just didn’t find a love that could… so far” 

“You’re asking me for what your mother told you, aren’t you?” I ask you, sure about the answer.

**Jane POV**

Dinner was as great as ever, you’re a great cook. We take it easy to watch a movie... I love the choice you made, even in these little things you show how much you love me. I’d really like to focus on Maverick and Goose’s scary maneuvers, but my head is somewhere else. At some point, I can’t take it anymore, and I’m asking you what I am thinking about from the conversation with my mother.

“Have you ever thought of having a family?” 

This question comes out of my mouth, and as much as it does, I just want to put it back in the remote corner from which it came. You get away from me, and you sit down so you can look me in the eye. In your answer, you say that your relationship with Constance and Hope makes you doubt that you’d be a good parent. I couldn’t disagree any more: especially because of your story, I’m sure you’d be a good mother. You ask me if my question has anything to do with what my mother told me... how could it not be so?

"Maura, our lives won't be easy..." 

"I know that, Jane... but there's no difficulty, prejudice, or unforeseen circumstances that I wouldn't be willing to face with you... for you," and as you say it, I melt. Love conquers all... curious. I wonder how you always find the right words. I feel like I'm asking you questions you already know the answers to. As I look at you, I'm starting to think that maybe we actually have a chance to be happy... together. With my hand I gently caress your cheek, and in response you grab it with yours and with your lips you caress the palm, leaving a trail of small kisses. Slowly your lips move, they move up my arm as you approach me. You have reached the height of my shoulder when I can no longer resist and with my free hand, I push your face to skip a few steps and arrive directly to my mouth. 

"Maura, don't ever stop loving me like that” I tell you, interrupting our contact for a moment. I look into your eyes, they respond to my statement. Your breath gets stronger and in an instant your lips are on mine again. Your tongue is knocking at my mouth, asking permission that you know you have, and in an instant our tongues dance together. You push yourself towards me and I find myself lying on the couch with your beautiful body on top of mine. My hands are starting to gently caress you... I want to enjoy every inch of your skin. Yours instead are guided by a stronger, sensual, passionate touch... I'm beginning to think you must have taken my words literally.

"What do you think if we continue this conversation upstairs? You know, my bed is more comfortable..." you whisper in my ear. 

"I have a better proposal. Why not the guest room?" I reply, obviously clouded by the excitement of the moment. There were several nights when you took me in and I slept in that room alone and, yes I admit it, I didn't really count the sheep to get to sleep. I'm starting to think you're a fortune teller when, puzzled but with a good dose of provocation, you ask me if I ever fancied about us in that room. 

"Well, you know how it is... I couldn't sleep..." I say, pretending to regret having done such thoughts. This seems to get you very excited, since you come back to kiss me in a hurry and stick your hand inside my panties, without mincing with words. You start moving your fingers on my clitoris while your lips rest on my neck. This is getting pretty hot.   
"Maura ... at this rate, we won't even arrive to the stairs," I say laughing.

You take me by the hand and you let me get up with you from this couch and your eyes. I think they’re the most aphrodisiac thing I’ve ever seen. Your expression conveys passion and desire and impatience... I can’t believe I’m having such an effect on you, or at least not to these levels. “ _ Well done, Jane!” _ I think between me and me. I follow you holding your hand, and as soon as we get to the room, you make me sit on the bed with a slight push. You’re about to take your shirt off when I lock your hands that were grabbing the edge. 

“Let me do it”, I tell you, before pushing yourself on the bed next to me. I settle between your legs and start kissing you on your belly, just under your navel. I grab the edges of your shirt and slowly start lifting it, licking you on the stitches I gradually uncover. When I arrive just below the height of your breasts, my tongue stops for a second its torture, to allow me to strip your shirt completely. I’m going to give you the pleasure of hearing my tongue pass over your body, grabbing your breasts with my hands so you can feel more contact. I hear your breath getting harder, and I can’t help but get excited by hearing you sigh my name out loud. You’re gonna yell it soon. I know you will, and I’m in no hurry at all. I drop you on the bed and sit right over you, letting you sigh louder when my tongue passes first on a nipple and then on the other, alternating its passage. My hands leave your breasts and go down by your hips to the elastic of your pants. Your body agrees with my intentions, so I’ll take the opportunity to take your underpants off right away. 

I take my body off of you and I stop the gentle torture as long as it takes to take them off completely, and then come back to you. My tongue looks for yours, and from the passion you kiss me with, it seems you’ve already missed it. You take advantage of the moment and tilt our positions, riding on me, but I can’t stand not to feel your body totally in touch with mine, so I raise my back from the bed and sit down, holding my arms behind your back to bring our bodies even closer. I kiss your breasts again and again before I take off my shirt and lure you towards me as I get back lying down. It looks like you were just waiting to get up and take off my pants. Reflexively, I put my feet back on the mattress with my legs bent, when you let me stretch them out completely.

“I don’t know what her fancies were, Detective, but something tells me I’m gonna be up to it” you’re whispering to my ear and I’m really starting to understand nothing. Come back on my legs and grab my feet to carry them behind your neck, leaning my legs on your shoulders, holding them with your hands, and I wonder what you have in mind. You start to leave me a trail of kisses and sighs on the inside of my thighs and small contractions of pleasure start to run through my muscles at those touches. A satisfied smile pops up in your face and I understand that that’s exactly what you wanted to feel... you wanted to hear my body beg for more. Your mouth is getting closer and closer to my intimacy and my legs are reflexively pushing slightly inward. I don’t want to hurt you, so I’m doing it to get them off your back, but you’re blocking them. You don’t want to miss any of this. And neither am I, so I’m leaning on my elbows to get a better view. When you get to my center, you stop to chain my eyes to yours before licking my intimacy all along with a single exciting passage. Then you stop to pay more attention to my clitoris, freakin' I’m going through your hair, like to tell you not to stop, when it’s exactly what you do. You want to wear me out... until the end. You sit on me on horseback and put your finger on my lips, then open your mouth and make him meet your tongue before you put it on my lips. I can’t resist you, Maura Isles, but as soon as I stretch out my hands to your hips, you put them over my head, cross my wrists, like to bound them.

“No, no, Detective! Look but don’t touch!” You tell me, with a particularly deep and intriguing voice, that betrays all your excitement. I love it when you call me Detective. I’ll settle down better, ready to enjoy the show you are when I look you in the eyes. I need to feel your skin under my fingers, and your eyes allow me to even get my hands on you, as long as they’re just on your knees. Put your left finger again on your lips to wet it, before you pass it on your chest, and then on your nipples. Your right hand goes down to caress your center with the index and the middle. I didn’t think watching you enjoy yourself could be so awfully exciting. Remove your hand from your intimacy, and carry it on my lips, leaving your taste on them. I’m blocking your hand so I can keep licking your fingers greedily and I can hear you sighing. I’m taking advantage of your distraction to move your free hand on your so perfect butt, and I’m bringing our intimacy together. I drive the movement of your hips, and I feel you’re close to the limit. You lean on your arms and our eyes meet, our movements become more hectic, when you bend your head upwards and I hear you shouting my name repeatedly as we reach the heap. Yes, please. My name has never had a more celestial sound. I put my hands behind your back to bring my face closer to your body and I kiss your chest, letting go my pleasure. With your breath still struggling, you lie next to me, look at the ceiling, and... laugh... of pure, authentic happiness. Your laugh infects me. Knowing you are so happy makes me feel complete.


	20. Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?

**Jane POV**

You're still asleep when I wake up. I stay here, looking at you. The vision of you by my side in the morning is something I will never be tired of. I can even find the fact that you're snoring, fortunately not too noisy, very tender. I decide to take a shower before I go to work. I don't want to risk you taking the bathroom before me, considering your biblical times! You have two in the house, but one is in the master bedroom, and it has a bathtub. I don't have all this time, so I get up and I go to the other one, with the shower. I really like the style you've chosen: the tiles are dark, the floors are stone and the shower is large, Italian-style, with a huge glass. The more I think about it, the more I think about how my apartment sucks compared to your home. I open the water, and as I hear it flowing over my body, my mind returns to the last night. I'm gonna steal your body wash. I want to have your perfume on me for all day.

I'm so caught up in my own thoughts, when I feel your hand caressing my back, that I might die, here and now. I can barely turn around in time for you to throw your arms around my neck, kissing me softly.

"Good morning, love" you whisper to me tenderly. "Good morning, darling!"

I couldn't have wished for a better awakening. I caress your body with the back of my hands when you push me against the shower wall, intensifying the kiss. Your gaze becomes more winking when you suddenly stop that splendid contact, and without uttering a word you come down, following the flow of the water, until you kneel in front of me. I don't know what's happening anymore when your tongue creeps into my intimacy.

"Oh Maura"... that's all I can say, while your attention leads my heart to overtime. I close my eyes to fully enjoy this moment, when I realize that perhaps it is just by looking at it that I can fully live it. And then I want an image to think about to get through the day. I see our reflection on the glass, which excites me to death, and then I look down to enjoy the sight of you who seem to never have enough of me. And I'd say it's a good thing. It doesn't take long for you to get me close to the climax, running my hands through your hair, to deepen that contact. I feel my legs weak when I reach the orgasm, and you don't tear your mouth off until you feel full of my taste. You leave me a trail of kisses as you go up, leaving a mark of your passage to the height of the clavicle.

"So only I can see this", you say, before you put your lips on mine… finally… again. I hold you tightly in my arms and reverse our positions. I'll start kissing your neck, and then I draw inspiration from you, leaving a love bite on your shoulder.

"One for you and one for me..." I whisper softly. At that moment I heard my phone ringing, I took it to the bathroom, for fear it might ring and wake you up. I know it can't be anything more than a business call at this hour.

"I think cuddle time's over" I say, sadly, before I get out of the shower.

"Rizzoli... yeah... okay, Korsak, half an hour, and I'll be there!"

I'm coming out of the bathroom, not without looking back at you while you finish showering. Another day begins.

**Maura POV**

We arrive at the crime scene, which is inside a grove. We have to leave the car far enough and walk on, so I take the opportunity to give you a kiss before we go back to being just colleagues. We say hi to Korsak and Frankie, who have been on the scene for a while.

I study your brother's gaze, trying to understand from his expression if your mother has already spoken out: it would seem no, so I can calm down. I'm focusing my attention on the body I found, doing a pre-analysis before taking it to the lab.

Male, African-American, about 20 years old, not very tall but his muscle mass makes it clear that he was keeping in shape, gunshot wound to the chest. The body and the blood stains underneath it make it clear that it was not moved after death. What was he doing in such a desolate place?

Then I notice a tattoo on his wrist and I show you. You immediately think of a gang settlement. He's so young, he'd have had his whole life ahead, I think to myself. You continue the survey on the scene while I go back with the coroner to the station to do the autopsy.

You get to the lab about an hour later and you ask me how it goes.

"I sent the bullet to ballistics for analysis, but I'm sure it's a calibre 38"

"Very… perhaps too… common... Let's hope the analysis of the bullet tells us more! Anything else?"

"Unfortunately not at the moment, Jane. I'm waiting for the tox results. I'll call you as soon as I get it."

"Perfect...thanks" you say leisurely when you leave the room.

**Jane POV**

I love my job... most of the time, at least. It allows me to send terrible people to jail, but when the victim is such a young guy, I get to the point where I hate it. We found out the victim's identity... he was a good kid, also a good student, but he had to drop out of school because of financial problems and got into a bad racket. He didn't excel in sports, so no scholarship. Korsak and I went to his mother's - poor woman, she was devastated. I can't imagine the pain she's feeling. She gives us some information about his son's contacts: friends, who he hung out with, where he went when he left. We ask her to check the young man's room, where we found a phone...a prepaid phone, which I have the feeling may be more useful to us than the phone he had with him, on which we found nothing. We're leaving the house when we see a dark car parked across the street. I can't read the license plate, because as soon as they see us they leave in a hurry. Not a good sign, but years in narcotics have taught me that when gangs are involved, investigations get more complicated.

We return to the station when it's almost evening, so I take the opportunity to stop by the "Kingdom of the Dead". You're in your office, sitting on the couch with your laptop on your legs... you say that pulling away from your desk and changing your perspective helps keep your mind active. You always do it when there's a difficult case.

"Hey, Maura, you okay?"

You look like you suddenly woke up and said hello. You tell me briefly about your day and that you were just getting ready to go home. You leave the computer on the desk, and I approach you, putting my hands on your shoulders...I need contact with your skin and this is the least equivocal gesture I could think of.

"Great. I was just about to propose we leave. Korsak and I will continue the investigation in the morning..." I say, before getting close to your ear so no one can hear what I'm about to tell you.

"...but I want to take you out to dinner tonight, Doctor."

At these words, without even turning around, you smile slightly embarrassed. I walk away from you and when I'm at the door, I stop and turn again to you.

"I'll wait for you in the parking lot, Maura, and please don't take forever!" I say kidding, as usual.

After a few minutes you meet me at the car and we head to your house. Luckily you weren't exactly a splinter, so I had time to call to confirm the restaurant reservation. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised. We get to your house, I pull over to drop you off.

"Aren't you coming with me?" you ask me, slightly perplexed.

"No, I want to go home to freshen up. I'll pick you up at 8:00?"

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli," and when you call me by my middle name, it's usually trouble.

"You want to stop by the house to get settled before dinner?! Mhhh… where will you take me?" you ask me now, intrigued.

"No no no no, it's a surprise..."

"Yes, but it's not fair... and if I choose a dress that doesn't fit the place? Too formal... too elegant, or worse... too little elegant?" you babble, and I start giggling, trying to camouflage the laughter by putting my hand in front of my mouth. But you don't find it funny as I do.

"Don't worry, you'll be beautiful! And then the only person who has the authority to look at you is me" I say, leaving a kiss on your cheek. You get off and walk home, and I'll stop and watch your walk, so sexy.

"Woman, you are driving me crazy, you know that?" I say, thinking out loud.


	21. The power of love

**Maura POV**

You’re texting me that you left home and it makes me panic. I’m not even close to being ready yet, and I know how much you hate to wait.  
The choice of dress has been reduced to three options: I keep looking at myself in the mirror, alternating the clothes in front of me to figure out which one would fit me better. But all of a sudden I’m blocking… oh, absolutely this one!

After a few minutes you honk the horn... damnation, it means I’m definitely late. You also text me to make sure I understand it’s you and that I must hurry. I get my purse and run out. I get in your car and say hi with a soft peck, and we leave. But I notice you’ve looked at me a couple of times, to be sure you’ve seen well, and a smile pops up on your face. You recognized my dress, didn’t you? I’m trying to pretend not to understand and I’m asking you why you’re smirking.

“Your dress and I… we still have some unfinished business...”

“What are you talking about?”

I continue pretending I don’t know what you’re talking about. How could I forget that? At the mere thought, I’d like to ask you to pull over just to kiss you properly.

“Oh, you know what I’m talking about…”

Damn, you caught me.

I can't guess where you're taking me, but this district gives me hope. There are some of the best restaurants in the city nearby. I can't believe my eyes when I see you finally turning around and entering the parking walkway.

“Oh Jane, I can’t believe… are we really having dinner here tonight?” I’m telling you, ending the sentence with a controlled tone, holding inside of me a series of screams of joy as a teenager. Yes, I admit, I was so cheerful at the time.

“Oh no, sorry, I was wrong, I had to turn at the next street”, you say, making fun of me. In response, I’ll slap you in the leg. We get out of the car, you through the keys to the valet, and you come up to me to offer your arm.

You know very well that no one we know frequents this kind of place, so you feel free to court me with your gallantry, without fear of prying eyes. And I feel free to relax, too. I still hadn't noticed that as much as your look was classic pants and blazers, I don't think I've ever seen you in these clothes. Even your shirt is more refined than the ones you normally wear. I think I’d rather see you like this than in a dress. Not that I don’t like to see your legs uncovered, but I can sense you feel more at ease with this style. And the more comfortable you feel, the more you’re yourself.

I know that to make me happy, you chose a place that it’s not exactly your thing.

We go in and as soon as you give your name to the Maître, he hints at the waiter, who shows us our table. They have a beautiful outdoor terrace and the fact that you managed to find a place right on the tables outside amazed me.

The atmosphere is enchanting, and you… you look wonderful. We sit down and the waiter brings us the menu and the wine list. I guess you’re gonna let me choose the wine, but you surprised me at that, too. You call the waiter with a hint and show him on the list your choice. Your eyes are full of love while you’re looking at me... so I take your hand. It’s not often we can hold hands in public freely... practically almost never. I find myself thinking it starts to weigh a little bit that no one knows about us.

But considering what happened with your mom, maybe it's better this way for the moment.

“Thank you Jane, you’ve really surprised me… it’s all perfect, wonderful."

"I wanted it to be a perfect night... I hope I hit the target."

"Seriously? You don't know how many times I've tried to get a reservation without success..."

“Oh, I know perfectly, Maura... where do you think I got the idea?”

Ah, Jane Rizzoli, you’re the perfect woman. I thought you wouldn’t listen to me when I talked to you about restaurants, exhibitions, wellness centers. You always do your silly face to make fun of me. The waiter brings us the wine and the glasses, you taste the wine and as soon as you nod at him that it’s okay, he fills our glasses. “Jane... but this... is a Chateau Musar, I’d say 1980 or so... it’s one of my favourite wines”

"I knew that too..." you reply, satisfied that you've brought home another point in your favour, then sipping your wine without taking your eyes off me, not even for a second.

**Jane POV**

During the dinner I see your face getting happier and happier. We’ve been through so much, I wanted to have a special moment for us for one night, finally serene. Between courses our hands have always been united: I needed to enjoy a date night like any other couple, not living our relationship only inside the walls of your home or mine for fear that someone might find out about us.

I can’t help but think about the fight with my mom. I did not hear from her, and I’m afraid I won’t for a while. Although I usually get annoyed with her excessive attention, she always made me feel loved, and I love her so much. But I don’t want to get upset, not tonight. It’s a magical night, and I don’t want to ruin it by thinking about her.

“Jane, tell me one thing... to what do I owe this wonderful evening?” you ask me, holding my hands in yours, in the middle of the table.

"Okay..."

I need a deep breath. So where do I start without sounding pathetic?

“Let's just say I've been planning this night for a while..." I say pulling a small rectangular box out of my jacket pocket.

"If I'm not mistaken, someone hasn't received her birthday gift yet..." I whisper, pushing the mysterious package towards you.  
  


We broke up a few days before your birthday and you were in London during that period.

“I took this present before we... Well, before what happened... but I started thinking about planning this evening the night you told me you’d stay in Boston... and that you’d give me another chance to be part of your life”

These words come out of my mouth without control and I see your eyes getting serious, but not sad. You start unwrapping the gift, not being able to resist the curiosity, but you don’t take your eyes off me until you open the box.

"Jane... I... I lack the words..."

"Is the chatty Dr. Isles speechless? I can't believe it!" I say, kidding you. You smile, and your smile lights up this place...and also my heart.

"Do you like it?"

"It’s wonderful, Jane," you answer me, trying to put on the beautiful necklace I gave you, but I see you're having some trouble closing it, so I stand up to come help you.

To do this, I bend down behind you and put my hands on your neck... and I really hope you didn't feel that my hands are trembling with emotion, mixed with embarrassment, for this moment. I wanted so much to give you this gift, and every time I saw that box in the cabinet drawer, it made me sick. I was afraid I'd never see you wear it.

“Behind the pendant there’s a small incision, and for that I had to ask Susie for help, so if it’s badly written, tell me so I’ll choke her” I specify, before I sit in front of you again. So you turn around the pendant, to find out what I’m talking about, ‘cause you hadn’t noticed it yet. You read those words to yourself while your eyes start shining, brighter than ever.

“Jane... I don’t... I don’t know what to say” you say while starting sobbing.

“Ok, maybe the choice of Greek was not the best...”

You start laughing and you scold me: “It’s Latin, Jane!”

“I know, I was joking”, I reply you, then I take my breath before going on. Seeing you wearing it on your neck makes my heart go crazy.

“Susie thought I needed to try to access your personal computer in secret. I asked her what the most beautiful Latin love phrase ever was, making you look like an incurable romantic. And she bought it! Being in the midst of the dead doesn’t make you feel right, I’d say. And you smile... I love when you do that.

“Omnia vincit amor” you read those words again, looking at me. Your eyes are full of love for me, and your gaze takes on an intensity that leaves me breathless. You caress my face with your hand before pulling me close to you to kiss me. A slow, chaste kiss, but in which you want to concentrate all the love we feel for each other.

**Maura POV**

I read these words you chose for me, for us, for our love. I repeat them in my head like a mantra, because there will be difficulties in our path.

We're leaving the restaurant, and I can't help but think that tonight you really treated me like a queen.

We get in the car and on the way you put your hand on my leg, and I braid your fingers with mine. When I do, you turn around to smile at me before you come back with your watchful eye on the road.

"Jane, take me to your house," I whisper in your ear in a low, almost hoarse voice. I need to get the memory of how it all ended the last time we were there out of my mind, and I think we both need it. I can hear you pressing the accelerator harder while, without moving my mouth and my breath away from your ear, I slowly push your hand up with mine along my thigh.


	22. Like a Virgin

Maura POV

We arrive at your apartment and you try to put the keys in the lock when I notice your hands are trembling. I stare at you and you probably feel that you’re watched, because you look at me and I can see it in your eyes. It is emotion... you put so much of yourself on the line tonight, you wanted everything to be perfect, and it was. 

You finally open the door, and as soon as we get in, you wrap your arms around my hips and slowly push me against the door, which you had just closed behind you. You take a second to lock it with the key and pull the lock. You don’t want to risk surprises like last time... with your mother.

Finally you can focus on me and you do not lose a second more before kissing me, pressing your body on mine, pushing me against the door. 

Our tongues seem to move in a choreography they know by heart and they are perfect dancers of this flaming two-step. Without in any way retreating with your body, your lips go down my neck, kissing and licking it greedily, while your hand finds the zipper of my dress and slides it down very slowly.

“This time, dear dress, I won”... you say, and I can’t help laughing. I wish I had your sense of humor, but I have you… and I’d say it’s just as well. You stand back as long enough to get me to take off my dress, and I see your big, dark eyes, where I get lost... but your face is still nervous. 

“What’s going on?” I ask you, not understanding the reason for the hesitation I find in your face. 

“Nothing... is that... you’re beautiful!” you say with a thread of voice, husky, scratched... I find it so sexy. And the way you look at me... every woman would give anything to be looked at like you’re doing, including me. 

“You look pretty good too, Detective Rizzoli”, I say, and I can make you smile. I take your face and bring it closer to mine, gently kissing you. 

“Why don’t you take me to the bedroom, Detective?” I whisper to your ear, and you swallow hard. I’ve never seen you like this… like it’s your first time.

  
  


Jane POV

Really, I can’t figure out what’s going on with me. I feel like it’s the first time I’ve kissed you, touched you, admired your body. I don’t know what it’s due to. Perhaps it is simply because for the first time we were able to enjoy an evening “out in the open”, without fear of indiscreet looks or people’s judgments.

I pulled out the best of me, new suit included. I wanted everything to be perfect. I hoped so, so this evening can become one of those to be told when on one of our anniversaries someone asks us for an anecdote of our life together. I realize I’m imagining our future... and the only thing I know is that we’re gonna be together, or at least I hope so.

When you whisper to take you to the bedroom, I decide it’s time to put these thoughts aside, and I take you in my arms. I sit on the bed with you on me, holding you tight, and I’ll start kissing your neck, your chest. My hands are searching for your bra’s jaw right away, and they’re quickly freeing your body from that obstacle.

You push me to lie down with my back on the sheets and you start unbuttoning my shirt, skillfully but calmly… you know there's no need to be in a hurry. Then you open it, exposing my body and you caress my abs, with your eyes full of desire, while my fingers enjoy touching your nipples, which immediately become turgid at that contact.

Your hands come down... you want to take off what's left of my clothes. In a moment you get up to take off my pants completely, then you sit on your knees and your face starts kissing my lower abdomen over the thin fabric of the panties. You kiss me in the most sensitive spot and the moist cloth betrays my arousal.

I raise my back and sit down to take off my shirt completely, as if it could somehow relieve me from the warm feeling I get, while you take off my underpants... your movements are so harmonious, almost seem to follow a delicate melody.

You get up enough to get your face closer to my chest and put your hands behind my back to take away even the last thing that separates you from the complete vision of my body. You seem to be contemplating me, kissing me right in the middle of my chest, and I hear your nails leaving marks on my back.

Your tongue marks a straight line on my abs as your nails go down, digging more and more into my flesh and my soul. You sit back on your legs and your head comes close to my intimacy and I start to think that if there’s a chance to see heaven while being alive, this is definitely an example. I wish you’d never stop this torture, but more than anything, I want to make you mine.

Completely… totally mine. I push myself to the centre of the bed and try to pull out my most sensual voice when I invite you to lie down with me. I don’t need to ask you a second time, and I see your hazelnut eyes have a special, intense light.

You get comfortable and, grabbing your hips, I'll get you close to me, sliding you between the sheets until you're completely underneath me… God, you make me lose control. I set one leg between yours and gently carry your free leg up, along my side.

“Jane, I... I love you... so much” you whisper, caressing my hair. With my head I look for that touch, I chase it… it makes me feel good, it seduces me, like a siren song. 

“I love you too, Maura”, I respond gently, my voice cooled by the tenderness that gives me that contact.

I caress your shoulder... I feel your skin tremble as my fingers pass, you close your eyes and your breath becomes more intense. I start moving my hip against your, first slowly then more and more with each push.

You follow my movements, our bodies create a perfect synchrony, our breaths a single breath, our glances form a perfect conjunction. I don't take my eyes off yours for even a moment, and when I see them wide open I realize that you are about to reach your peak... then I intensify my thrusts even more... you shout my name while I hear you reach the peak.

I’ll never have enough... a couple more pushes and I’ll reach you... where the air is scarce and everything seems to have brighter colors. I want to kiss you, not just on your perfect lips. I kiss your face, your cheeks, your forehead, and then I stand there with my face on a palm of yours, smiling of pure and true happiness.

We stay here just cuddling before we fall asleep... It's such an intimate moment, in this room where there’s only love... our love. You have your head leaning on my chest when you turn to me breaking the silence we were crawling into. 

“What’s up, Jane?” you ask me, without stop caressing me. I think you feel my heart speeding.

"Maura... I decided! I'm gonna tell Frankie about us tomorrow" I exclaimed. 

Like it’s easy... after my mother's reaction, I honestly have no idea what to expect. But I want to be the one to say it... he's my little brother. And the more time passes, the more I risk the news coming from my mother, so I'd better get my courage up.

"Well, that sounds great..." you tell me, interrupting like you know that's not all. 

"And then, when you want, we can make it official" I continue. I feel like I've been hiding after throwing a grenade, waiting to hear it explode. "Are you serious?" you ask me and I don't know how to interpret your question.

“Why? Don’t you think we should?” I ask you back. Damn, Jane, what did you think of? 

“I wish so much, but you must be the one who wants it. I’ve never had any problems, my foster family doesn’t live here and considering the little attachment they’ve shown me over the years, I don’t care about their judgment, but for you, of course, it’s totally different… if you then realize that over the years I've developed a certain detachment in people's opinions. No less important, at work I am sure that our professionalism will not be affected for our coming out".

The way in which you analyze every detail is a characteristic of yours, which I love: you can always have a lucid, detached (in a good way), view of things and help me always put everything back in the right perspective.

“Just a yes or a no, Mau”, I say sarcastically, and my tone makes me earn a cushion on my face. Okay, I deserved it.


	23. Hey Brother

**Jane POV**

I invited my brother over for a beer after work so I could finally talk to him and tell about us. You asked me if I wanted you to be there, but I said no. I don't want to risk you seeing another family drama.

We get to my apartment and I take two bottles off and give him one. We talk about the last Red Sox game, and I find myself thinking it’s probably the cohabitation with him that made me a tomboy. But after all, I don’t mind. We have always had a nice relationship, or rather... a normal relationship, as brothers. Mockeries, jokes, pranks... our childhood couldn’t have been happier. 

“Jane, what happened with you and Mom? She asked me about you: I asked her why she didn’t call you and she left angry”... he ask me point-blank.

“Frankie, there’s something I need to talk to you about. I’m dating someone”... I tell them, more and more hesitantly. If she had the same reaction as my mother, it would be hard to bear. We’ve always lived in symbiosis. He’s even followed in my footsteps in the police. He’s always made me a very proud older sister. 

“Let me guess...Mom doesn’t approve of this someone, does she?” 

“Yes”, I reply, more and more anxiously feeling the moment coming. 

“Well, to take her like that, she must be really mad at him...”

"...is Maura”

I say it that way, and I feel free but also defensive, waiting for the bomb to explode. "...your phone? I don’t hear it ringing”, he answers, with all the innocence of this world. 

I’ve always found it funny to make fun of him for the way that sometimes he just doesn’t catch it, even though we’re alike on this one. 

“No Frankie, Maura is that person” 

“Oh”, he says, after a moment of silence, with an astonished face. 

“You can only say ’Oh'?” I answer him by pressing him. I need to know what he think of us. Like now, not in two months.

“So...mhm...with Frost we sometimes joked that you behave like a couple...for as much as you quarrel, because you often complete each other’s sentences, not to mention that you practically live in symbiosis…”

He sees my perplexed face and understands that what I want to hear is something else. 

“That’s... Jane, wow... I’m happy for you, for both of you, of course!” 

He hugs me and I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. 

“Oh, thank you, Frankie”, I say. 

Once again, he didn’t disappoint me.

"I mean, I thought you used to play for the Other team, but after Casey, honestly, I changed my mind. I think you make a cute couple. But... can I ask you something?" 

"Sure, tell me..." I ask him, now the conversation is all downhill. Until he asks me that question. "But… in bed? Eh...is she as good as she looks like?" 

He asks me winking, tapping his elbow on my hip. It seems to have become the classic conversation about women between friends at the pub… and although I'm slightly embarrassed by the question, I interpret it as a good sign. "What a dummy you are, Frankie..." I'm gonna take a little break from answering him.

"Anyway, even better than you can imagine! Oh, by the way, Maura is off-limits if you want to stay alive... I mean off-limits even to your thoughts!" "Oh, yeah, sure, sure... consider it done! But explain to me what happened with Mom?" he asks me. 

I start telling him everything and it hurts like it just happened. 

"Jane, you've got to be patient... sooner or later Mama will understand... and then you know she can't stand not being near her little girl, but above all not being able to pry into her life freely," she says to me, in a good-natured tone, pinching my cheeks. I punch him in the shoulder and put him right back where he belongs... what a dumb brother I got. He didn't let me down this time either.


	24. Tears in Heaven

_ Some time later...  _

**Jane POV**

“Maura, tell me you’re ready... there’s a Patriots game tonight!” I say snorting. It’s been a very hard day, and I just want a couch and beer and you giving me crazy scientific curiosities about football. We found our dimension, I spend most of my time at your place, and I don’t mind at all.

Everybody at work now also knows about us, and fortunately nobody, not even in high places, seems to have something to say about it: we know how to keep work and private life well divided and there are no disciplinary regulations to the contrary. With my mom, well, I haven’t seen her in a while, but Frankie keeps me up on news, and I’m sure she’ll do the same with her. I reallyhope she comes to her senses, because our distance is starting to hurt me.

"But you promised me that tonight we'd go to that special night event at the museum..." you look at me with big, begging eyes. How can I say no... I promised you. 

"Ah, you're right... then all the more reason to hurry! If I'm gonna get stuck in an evening dress, I want at least time to have a couple of drinks!" I answer, winking at you. What I wouldn't do for you, Maura.

I use the guest room’s bathroom to shower and get ready. I'll never get used to your beauty rituals... You don't even need them! I always think that your most beautiful expression is in the morning, with make-up removed, when you turn towards me to say good morning, maybe with some dark circles under your eyes, because I didn't leave you enough time to sleep.

Almost an hour after you disappeared into your bathroom, you’re finally ready and I see you coming down the stairs. The whiskey goes straight through me. You’ve got a new dress, you compulsive buyer-race that’s all you are, but it’s ok if it’s to surprise me like that. I think my expression is the same as Roger Rabbit when he sees Jessica: in fact, because of you many times I felt a little bit like him.

“You look very elegant, Detective” you tell me as soon as you see me. 

“It was to don’t embarrass my woman... did you happen to see her around here?” I’ll answer you with a tone of low voice, almost scratched. I know how this affects you, and I enjoy it. 

“Kiss me, idiot”, you say, grabbing my hips, luring me to you. 

“You’re beautiful... and you’ve got a new dress” I want you to know that I noticed, since you begged me to help you get out of the unbridled shopping tunnel.

"It was so beautiful...and alone: it was the last remaining piece of this dress and it was surrounded by others not like it, poor thing" you talk about it like a puppy abandoned on the side of the road and I can't hold back a smile. 

"Come on, Doc, let's go... before my woman sees us, you know she's a little jealous and works all day on dead people. I don't think she's the right woman to piss off" I whisper to you sneering as we make our way to the door.

  
  
  


The evening turns out to be more fun than I imagined: you don't take a single moment away from me and you enjoy telling me the story of the masterpieces on display for this temporary exhibition. I've never understood much about art, but you have such an emphasis on explaining what we're admiring, that you can't help but involve me.

We get out of the museum and head home. Driving on the way home, we stop at a crossroad and you see a woman down on the sidewalk along the road. You ask me to stop, just as I'm already pulling over. But I don’t like this district. You're already on your way down when I signal you to wait. 

"Better take this one, just in case," I say by taking the gun out of my purse. I’m not taking any risk. We'll go down and you get closer to the woman while I look around to make sure no one's there.

"She's hurt, she's been shot in the abdomen but she's still breathing... I'll call 911" you tell me, pulling out the phone. 

“Yes, this is Dr. Maura Isles. We have a woman with a gunshot wound. We're on Parker at the Ruggles Street intersection. We..." 

I turn my back for a second to look at you. It's a moment, but all I hear afterwards is cold and two dark noises rumbling in my ears. I find myself on the ground and I can barely keep my eyes open... my hip hurts, so I put my hand closer before putting it in front of my eyes and I see it full of blood, of my blood.

What about you? I can't see you, so I'm trying to turn around to have you in my field of view… I feel that the contraction of muscles to do this is making more blood come out. I don't know how long I can stay conscious, but I can see you now... and you're lying down. 

You're not moving... Why aren't you moving Maura? No no no no! Give me a nod, please... please Maura! 

I'm trying to drag myself with my arms to get closer to you, to check on you, but my body doesn't seem to respond. 

I hear an ambulance siren in the distance.

Then nothing.


	25. Worried about you

**Jane POV**

I open my eyes slowly, it seems so hard to do it, I wonder why, and I feel my head heavy as a rock. It takes me a few seconds to focus the image, and I realize I’m not at home: this is not my bed and the room has colored walls of a faint green, so I’m not even at your place. I see the machinery and the furniture in the room, and I realize I’m in the hospital, but I don’t remember how it happened. Frankie’s sleeping in the chair next to the bed, and looking out the window, I realize it’s dawn.

I move slightly to sit down, when I feel a stabbing pain in my side, near a rib: I don't hold back a moan of pain, while I carry both hands at the origin of that sensation. Frankie wakes up hearing me moaning. 

"Jane, Jane, stop... don't move, or you'll tear the stitches like that," he says worried, helping me get back on my feet. 

"Frankie...what..." I can hardly speak, it seems a superhuman effort to even say a few simple words. 

"Well awake, Jane... you gave us quite a scare," he says, relieved. My mind tries to recover the missing pieces, but it can't. I feel a twinge in my side again, like a stab wound.

“Maura”... is all I can say, and I see his face getting tense. If something happened to me, why aren’t you here? 

“Maura is in the other room”... and hearing him say those words, my body reacts on its own. In the other room? What happened? Were you hurt, too? My brother’s got me by shoulders, forcing me to stand still, when my only instinct is to come to you. Even at the cost of feeling pain with every single slightest movement.

"No, Jane! You need to stay in bed..." he says to me as I try to get out of that hold, to come see what's going on. The pain in my hip becomes more intense and I see a red spot on my gown, at the height of the wound, which widens, while my brother screams to get the attention of one of the nurses. I look at him and while with my hands I'm still trying to get away from him I see a nurse come in and get close to me, before injecting something into the I.V. I find myself attached. And it's cold again, and it's dark again.

  
  


The awakening seems a little less confused this time. Although I’m not sure I’m completely lucid, when, sit at my cushions, I see my mother. As soon as I open my eyes, she salutes me, hesitantly. 

“Hi Jane, how are you feeling?” 

“Hi mom… Well, I had better days I guess” I reply sarcastically. 

“Your brother went out to eat something... so I relieved him,” she says to me, as if she wanted my consent to stay at my cotstep. 

“It’s ok, Mom”, I say. I’m really glad she’s here. I haven’t seen her in a long time.

I understand that my mind can go back in time, and I’m trying to see if I can put together the pieces of what have happened. My hand seems to follow my thoughts and it rests on the wound. I see some snapshots in my mind...we were at the exhibition, then we were driving home, you beckon me to stop, that cold and dull noise, the pain and the shortness of breath, me trying to drag myself towards you, without being able to see how you are.

“Maura?” I ask worried, trying to get up. My mother’s holding me back, and I can’t resist. I don’t want to hear that feeling again, that tearing cold and dark. No one’s told me how you been. “I’m sorry, Jane, I really am”, she says, and in a moment my world falls apart. I feel the panic growing rapidly inside me, I can’t believe it, it can’t be true. 

“Oh, Jane, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean... I meant I’m sorry I didn’t understand. Of you, of your love for Maura… to have reacted that way”, he adds and I can breathe a sigh of relief.

I can calm down, but I'd tear my mother's head off for making me feel that way, even for a few seconds. 

"Mom... you scared the hell out of me," I say, normalizing my breathing. Then I continue, saying "I'm glad you're here, I really am" and for a moment I seem to forget everything else, even you. But it's a moment deep down. I need answers. And I need them now. 

"What happened? How's Maura? I want to see her..." 

“Jane, stay calm. You're hurt badly. I was afraid I'd lost you..." she tells me. She's not stalling, she knows my impatience, yet she hasn't answered me yet.

"Maura's in the next room, but before you try to get up to see her, I'm telling you, you can't see her." 

I feel the blood freeze in my veins. That's not a good sign... that's not a good sign at all. She understands that I need more information and starts telling me that the one we rescued was a narcotics informant: the men in the gang that was following her had caught her and wanted to silence her forever. She'd just been shot and they were about to run when they saw us stopping to help her. As soon as they saw us, they opened fire so we couldn't save her and she couldn’t talk. They ran when they heard sirens coming... you hadn't closed your 911 call when we got shot, so they sent more ambulances and police.

The girl is safe, miraculously, and Frankie and Korsak have already questioned her to find the shooter. That comforts me, the investigation will have a better chance of leading to the culprits. "You suffered a chest wound... doctors said a few inches higher, and you could've lost your lung, if not worse... Maura instead..." 

She stops, and my heart speeds up, begging for answers. She passes her hand over her eyes to dry the tears that start to wet her face. 

"Maura... She sustained a head injury. She had emergency surgery and everything seems to have gone well." 

“Mom, what do you mean, it seems?" I ask you, my voice becoming more and more uncertain, trembling... I'm afraid.

"The surgery went well, but they said they had to wait until he wakes up to rule out deficits," she replies. Now my world is really falling apart... you still haven't woken up. You had surgery. You've been shot. I can't accept that this has happened. I've accepted that doing my job involves getting involved in a shooting, but you... that's not part of your job. I need to come to you. I need to see you. I can't stay here while... 

"Jane, stay still. The doctor said you can't move yet," she takes me back, softly.

She must have had a really bad scare. 

“Mom, Maura is hurt, alone”... I protest and try to get out of her grip. 

“She’s not alone. Hope took the first flight, came here immediately after I called her, and didn’t leave Maura for a minute, except when I convinced her to have coffee with me while Frankie was changing her. You don’t have to worry” she reassures me, so I calm down. At least you’re not alone... even though your mother isn’t on my favorite people list, knowing you’re with her makes me feel better. That doesn’t take away my desire to see you, to see how you are, to be close to you.

“Ask Hope if she can come to me when she has some time. Okay?” I ask you, gently but firmly. If there’s anyone who can explain to me your condition, how you really are, and that can do it in a way that I can understand, this person is Hope. 

“Of course, my little girl” 

I close my eyes, trying to concentrate, as if to bring my thoughts to you, and to be next to you, even just like this... it’s not enough for me, but for now I have to settle for it.

  
  


"Jane... hey, Jane, wake up. There's someone who wants to say hello" 

It is my mother's voice. I'm still pretty groggy when I hear a voice I haven't heard in a long time. 

"Hi, Jane. I'm sorry if I woke you up. If I had known you were sleeping, I would have stopped your mother from bothering you"

I recognize this voice. It's Hope. Maura. 

"No, no, no, she did great. Is there any news about Maura? Is she awake?" I say as I see them looking at me as if to tell me to stay calm. I'm getting nervous and I shouldn't.

"Not yet, Jane, but I assure you that in some cases it can happen that the awakening may take a little longer than expected..." 

She starts to explain to me about your condition, that the medical staff was able to intervene in a timely manner and that the problem was not so much the extent of your wound, but the delicate point on which they had to operate, but there is no clinical reason why you should not be able to recover completely. 

“What if it doesn't happen? In that case, what would be the consequences?" I ask her.

I seem determined to hurt myself, but I want to know what you’re really risking. I was checking the perimeter while you were helping the girl... I didn’t see those guys... I didn't protect you. 

“No, Jane, this is not the time to think about that. Your mother told me your wound is healing, so I’m pleased about that... Angela, can I ask you to give us a moment alone? I need to talk to Jane for a minute”, she turns to my mother, who looks at me to make sure everything is okay and then nods her head before leaving the room. I don’t think Hope is so mean that she’s taking advantage of the moment to piss on me, but I wonder why she’s asking.


	26. Wake me up when it’s all over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really like to thank all those who are reading and following this story, whether they are following it from the very first chapter, or those who have perhaps snooped around a bit between the chapters. I’m really glad you like it and I hope to keep making you want to read this story.  
> I’m not an English native speaker so I hope you’ll forgive my mistakes 😉

**Jane POV**

My mom goes out of the room and Hope walks over to talk to me. 

"Jane, I know the last time we spoke face to face it wasn't an easy night for you. I've never thanked you, so I want to now," she tells me, sitting in the armchair next to my bed. She may have been born and raised in Boston, but your mother has a very British aplomb in everything she does.

"It's definitely not something I'm proud of...but Maura and I, I still don't know how, got over it," I answer her, not wanting merits for hurting you, for letting her convince me with her speeches. Your mother always knew about us, always knew about your feelings for me, and when she had asked you, you found no reason not to tell her.

She would’ve been the only one to know until we decided to tell someone else. 

“I know...and that’s why I wanted to talk to you. When we talk, Maura always tells me about you, about your relationship: I swear, I’ve never felt her so happy. When she decided to come back to Boston instead of moving permanently to London with me, I realized it was impossible it had nothing to do with you. Though she didn't seem to realize it herself. She understood deep down that she couldn't do without you in her life, she just wouldn't admit it!" 

You came back for the same reason I let you go... "And I realized that what you did for her, doing everything to leave her free to take whatever path she wanted, was a gesture of great love… especially since it wasn't easy," and I can't help but get emotional hearing those words.

“I love Maura with all my heart”, I tell her, honestly, pure, as only truth told simply can be. I try to get better on the bed, which I find increasingly terribly uncomfortable. 

“Letting her go that night, making her suffer, was the hardest challenge I had to face… but the joy I had to see her come back to me, after some storms I admit... well, it’s priceless! Your daughter has a big heart, Dr. Martin. And I… I wasn't able to protect her" and saying these last words I feel an anger towards myself growing inside me. 

Top recruit in my class at the Academy, youngest to receive the designation of Detective, and I couldn't defend the most important person in my life. 

"Jane, don't blame yourself, please. I'm sure you did your best," she replies, trying to relieve my torments, which surprises me.

She's protective of you, albeit in her own way, so I certainly wouldn't have expected such a reaction. Objectively she's right: it was dark and the street lighting wasn't great… but I still think I could have looked better, been more careful… 

I could have called for backup before getting out of the car, or made you stay in the car and get out on my own… I don't get peace from these thoughts.

Hope notices it too, who awakens me from my thoughts by saying words I never expected to hear her say: “Jane, never stop loving my daughter the way you love her. I want you to promise me”... she asks me, taking my hand between hers. Her skin is as soft as yours: who knows if you got your obsession with skin rituals from her. I just close my eyes, to lull in the illusion that those hands are yours, that you’re sitting here next to me...I wish, I really would.

"I promise, Dr. Martin," I look at her, smiling, before asking her when she thinks I can start harassing the nurses to bring me to you. 

"As soon as the wound is healed… Maura is stable, so the way I see it, if you don't strive, I'd say as soon as tomorrow, Jane," she replied, ending the sentence by winking at me.

  
  


I follow your mother’s words to the letter, and as soon as I wake up the next morning, I ask my mother to call the nurse. 

“Take me to Maura”, I say peremptory. Actually, it takes me a few attempts before I can see my wish come true. They force me to sit in a wheelchair so as not to risk reopening the stitches on the wound. If all goes well, promising not to make an effort, they could release me tomorrow. But I can’t think of going home without you.

They push me right up next to you, and then leave us alone. What I see freezes my blood: your skin is even paler, on your temple an obvious gunshot wound mark. Don't worry, it hasn't affected your scalp, you narcissist!

I hold your hand, touching your skin, and now it all feels so terribly real: you have a mask to help you breathe, but without it you’d just look asleep. “Maura”... That’s all I can say. 

I don’t even realize I’m crying until the tears scratched my face, until they reach my chin, making me itchy to feel them ready to detach permanently from my skin. I never thought I’d see you like this. Not even in my worst nightmares. And that’s way worse than a nightmare.

At some point, I hear someone coming in, so I turn around, trying to put myself together. 

“Oh, excuse me, I came to see how she is... next step”, says the doctor, turning to me, already getting ready to leave. 

“Are you Maura’s doctor?” I’ll ask him. 

“Yes... Hi, I’m Dr. Wilson, I operated on Dr. Isles... you must be Detective Rizzoli, right?”

“Yes, I’m Jane Rizzoli, nice to meet you”, I answer him, shaking hands. When you’ll wake up, remind me to make some jokes about you banging a nice doctor, to the delight of our mothers. 

“Can you tell me how she is?” I ask him, hoping the answer is different from... 

“He’s stable, we won’t know more until he wakes up”

... different from this one. Then he goes on, coming up to me and putting his hand on my shoulder.

"From what I heard, Dr. Isles is known for her determination, and for always being able to come out of any situation with skill… she can do it!" 

She's also known as the 'Queen of the Dead', for that matter, doctor… but thankfully I banish that thought before it leaves my mouth. Or that it gets too fixed in my mind. I stay as long as I'm allowed with you… some people are convinced it's good to talk to coma patients, but I can't at all. At this thought, I'm guessing you'd wake up just to start giving me a bunch of statistics on the positive impact of communicating with patients...okay, you'd definitely find a complicated way to say it, easier than me. You know what I mean. 

I feel heavy-eyed, I think I'm going to fall asleep in my wheelchair, holding your hand...just for five minutes.

  
  


_I remember this scent… it smells of sand and sun, and it's the wind that carries it. But there is also another scent, which I feel getting closer, and it seems not to follow the direction of the wind. I open my eyes and see the sea… I think I remember this place. I remember that short path from the garden to the beach, the light wood of the terrace I'm on… then a touch, your touch… your hands wrap around my abdomen as you embrace me from behind. I lean with both hands on the railing, setting aside my glass of wine._

_“How much I’ve missed this place”, you whisper softly in my ear, before leaning your chin on my shoulder. My right hand reaches out to yours, almost as if to stop him from interrupting that hug. “To me too, Maura”, I say to you, turning towards you to leave a tender kiss on your temple._

_“Jane, remember… Omnia vincit amor”, you whisper in my ear._

  
  
  


"Jane...Jane, wake up honey!" 

I hear my mother's voice in the distance. 

"Five more minutes mom, I promise I won't be late for the bus" but my mom doesn't desist, and I realize I'm not 8 anymore and I don't have to go to school. Then why is she shaking me down to make me wake up at all costs. Maybe... I open my eyes and ask her, "Okay I'm awake, good morning...what's up mom?" 

"Jane... it's about Maura."


	27. Take me home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to thank all of you who are reading this story. I hope you’ll find the next chapters as interesting as the ones that brought our Maura and Jane here.

**Jane POV**

I can’t wait for the wheelchair, I can’t wait for the nurse... I can’t wait. I drag myself as fast as I can into your room, leaning against the walls that lead me there. Your mother is sitting next to you, but as soon as I enter the room she turns to you and says, “I think you have a visitor.” 

She gets up and comes towards me... she stops, as long as it takes to put one hand on my shoulder, making me feel her relief and, in some way, her approval to our relationship.

“Detective”... you whisper to me. Your voice is thin, like a thread about to break. Fragile, like my ability to hold back the emotion of seeing you awake. And you know who I am. 

I walk up to your bed and I can see your smile better... and I can’t hold back those stubborn fucking tears of joy that want to come out above all, accompanied by an uncontrolled laugh of relief. “You’re so beautiful when you show your happiness”, you tell me tenderly. I touch your face, moving a strand of hair behind your ear, so I can see your eyes better. So bright, vigilant… safe. I take your hand between mine, I caress it gently. I have never realized so much and so clearly how fragile happiness is as I have in the last few hours.

"Can I have a kiss?" you ask, with eyes filled with the same love I have seen so many times on them… so many but they will never be enough. 

I lean into you, bringing my lips within a breath of yours before kissing you. 

"Maura...I..." I stutter, realizing I can't formulate a meaningful sentence. I sit, trying to realize that you're okay, that this is real. 

“It's okay, Jane," you tell me, letting me feel your grip on my hand… it's okay… these words seem to break that thread for good, so I burst into a liberating cry.

"You all must have had quite a scare… My mother told me you feel better, but I'd like to hear it from you." As you tell me this, without stopping for a second to turn one of your most beautiful smiles on me, your voice is uncertain, rehearsed, as it obviously is. I nod, but half-heartedly: I know I should be relieved, but I can't quite bring myself to be. 

“You know they won't let you go back to work for a while, don't you?"

You know how I wish I could go back on work and help to catch the bastards who did this to us. I’m nodding to you. I haven’t been able to say more than half a word. But now my only thought is you, and I’m sure Frankie and Korsak will be doing their best to get over it. 

“Jane... do you think you can tell me something?” “I’m not sure”. It makes me laugh when I tell you. Now I’m the one who wants a kiss... but you know how I am, I don’t waste time asking you.

That simple contact of our lips seems to release my tension, and I deepen it, forgetting for a second where we are. I break away, slightly embarrassed… laughing and you with me. 

I stay here with you, we keep each other company until you fall asleep, exhausted: it's been a busy day. You need to rest, and so do I… I take my leave, not before giving you a light kiss on your forehead. 

“Good night my love," I whisper, before going back to my room.

  
  


_ One week later _

“Hey, honey, are you ready?” I say knocking on the door of your room. I’m finally getting you home from the hospital today. You look even more beautiful to me. You’re finally wearing your own clothes instead of that hideous gown. 

“Here I am”... you answer, taking up the bag, which I steal from your hands. Several days of convalescence await you, during which you will be absolutely served and revered by me. Before I even finished my recovery, they arrested our two assailants, so I took the opportunity to take a few days to look after you. You’re the only good reason to overshadow my work. You should be honored.

The nurse pushes you with the wheelchair to the exit, and I hug her to thank: I know it’s her job, but she took care of both of us in a really beautiful way… a little gratitude doesn’t hurt. We get in the car, and arrive in a few minutes to your place. 

I unload my bag with some clothes so I don’t have to go back and forth from my apartment. In fact, since I was discharged, I spent more nights here than at my home: being here somehow made me miss you less during the nights.

You don’t have time to open the door and I hear screams happy to say: “Welcome back!” 

You look at me like I’m the cause of all this, but you know me and my family so well, you know I really had nothing to do with it. 

Your mother’s here to celebrate your return home, too. We’ve talked a lot these days... you’d be surprised how much we did! Frank, Korsak, Kiki, my mother, your mother… our big family is here for you. 

Hope comes up to me and puts her hand on my shoulder. If there’s one thing I’ve understood, it’s perhaps the most affectionate gesture I’ll ever see her make, given her irreplaceable composure. Unlike my mother, who seems to want to choke you in her embrace.

You turn and notice this gesture of Hope and you are sincerely surprised... you did not expect that your mother could take me so likely: you know very well how measured she is and you see the exceptionality of such a simple gesture. 

“Okay, okay, just a moment of attention… I know you’re all glad she’s back, but doctor Isles needs to rest so why don’t we postpone the celebrations, shall we?” 

Okay, maybe I’m not particularly polite to say it, in fact, you stumble at me and then you come up to me and tell me that’s not what the doctor meant when he said not to make any effort.

Your gaze becomes tender, almost pleading, as if I am the Grinch stealing your presents on Christmas morning. 

“Oh don’t look at me like that, Maura”... I say as I approach you, caressing your hips. 

“I just missed you... and I want to show you how much” I whisper in your ear, then look intensely into your eyes, raising my eyebrow with a wink. I don’t know how but in a jiffy you let everyone know that the party is really over... and you do it with such class! Ah, how much I missed you, Maura Isles!


	28. Dirty dancing

**Maura POV**

I see your mother out, who doesn't seem to want to leave, as she has offered in every way to help us clean up. I close the door behind her and am definitely relieved… we're finally alone. 

You are already starting to tidy up: after all you know me and you know how much it annoys me that the house is not in absolute order, but now it is not so important. Here we are again, finally, you and I. I come closer to you, while you rinse the glasses, and hug you.

Your perfume intoxicates me, I fill my lungs with it, I try to breathe in so that the essence of you can enter me like a breath of oxygen. As I wrap you in my arms, you make a slight grimace of pain as my hand passes near the point of your wound. 

You wouldn’t let me worry about you… ever since I woke up, you’ve spent as much time as possible taking care of me and you’ve always downplayed the fact that you’ve taken a bullet that night, too. I’ll lift your shirt slightly to check the wound. You interrupt your work so I can see better, keeping on your shirt while I can check the point where you were shot, and your face becomes instantly guilty.

"Jane, you told me the bullet grazed you, not that it hit you in the abdomen, at lung level!" I berate you, with little conviction but a good deal of regret. You knew as soon as I saw the scar I'd find out, you were just trying not to make me worry too much. And you know that now that the wound is healed, I have no reason to fear for your health. I hate it when you hide things from me, but I can't help but forgive you when you do it just out of love.

My hand stops analyzing your hip, but the touch doesn’t stop, on the contrary it becomes more delicate. In a moment the gaze of a doctor, aseptic and scientific, leaves room for the gaze of a lover, full of love and longing for your skin. I feel like I’m sensing a new feeling, as if my synapses are transmitting an unknown signal, as if I’ve never seen and touched your body like this before.

"In all this chaos, I didn't have a chance to process what happened to you… I woke up and there you were, like I was on the verge of falling and you caught me… but you were hurt, you risked your life that night too… and I couldn't have done anything to help you..." I vent, throwing out all the tension I feel growing inside. It's as if I sense now the shock of that situation. You hug me and I burst into tears, interrupted only by a few sobs.

"Oh Maura, please, don’t cry! It’s all right, darling! Everything is fine, we are fine… and I think it's time to give this back to you… the nurse gave it to your mother along with your belongings after you were admitted. And she imagined that I wanted to be the one to give it back to you... I was waiting until it was only us again to do that and give you my welcome home," you tell me, taking the necklace with the pendant you gave me for my birthday from your pocket. 

"I didn't think you and my mom had become chummy," I say jokingly as I wipe the tears from my face. I motion for you to help me put it on, while I pull my hair up with my hands to give you more space.

As soon as you hook the necklace, you leave me a tender kiss at the height of the atlas. And here, too, I feel like I’m rediscovering a slightly faded sensation in my mind. 

“Well let’s say we have a civil relationship by virtue of the fact that we both love a certain person...” And while you say that, you’re so smiling. Your smile... I love it, because it’s impossible not to be infected! You are already ready to wash the glasses again, but I decide to stop you: I take you by the wrist and draw you to me, throwing my arms around your neck.

“Jane, seriously, the only thing you can think about right now is finishing the dishes?” And as soon as I finish the sentence, I join our lips in what seems like perfect alchemy. Your hands on my back are so delicate, like you’re afraid I’ll shatter at your touch. It could never be like this. You protect me, always. I deepen the kiss, and I find the same sweetness in the way our tongues touch and chase each other. It seems as if you are reluctant to let go, so I decide to start with heavy artillery: I put one hand under your shirt along your back, while with the other I hold you to me, sliding it on your butt, so toned and perfect.

“Maura...teasing me is not wise”, you say, swallowing with difficulty. 

“Why is that?” I’m answering you, with fake naivety. “Somebody should get some rest... I don’t think that unbridled sex fits in with the doctor’s idea of ’resting' and I missed you a lot, so I don’t guarantee a lot of self-control”, you reply, embarrassed, almost... struggling. I won your queen and your king is now exposed.

“Firstly I think you know very well what we can do to keep me from getting too tired; secondly, the endorphins and oxytocin that the body releases due to sex have beneficial effects that I wouldn’t underestimate; and thirdly, don’t you want to find out if I wore my underwear this morning or not?” 

As they say, chessmate. 

When the thought comes to me that I may have stepped a little too hard, you look at me with a smiling smile, before you take me into your arms, directed to my room. 

“Woman, you’re playing with fire!” Tell me as we go up the stairs.

You make me lie down on the bed and then lay down on me, and in everything you do, you put an extreme sweetness. You start kissing my neck, and my hands try to grab your shirt to take it off, and then you kneel on the bed, breaking that contact. “Doctor, I thought I was clear: you need to rest. So you’re not allowed to do anything but let me love you... if you have any requests, just ask and I’ll do it, okay? Ah, in addition to that, of course, you are allowed to yelling my name if you see fit... and I am sure you will see fit.”

While you’re saying that, you’re holding my hands over my head like you’re handcuffing me, making me understand I have to take you literally. The ease you have, this subtle dominance makes me realize I couldn’t be more wrong. It wasn’t me that held you in check… it is my king that’s in check. You take off your shirt and I lose myself looking at the wonder that you are: your hair, dark, wavy, rebellious, goes softly down your shoulders; you wear a top of the sporty ones, but the thin fabric betrays your already evident arousal, your nipples profile draw a perfect shape; your abs always so well delineated, that seem to draw a direct line to your intimacy, and that’s enough to light me with desire.

You study my gaze, you feel desired and that seems to make you even more confident... I can tell by the way you come down to my mouth again to kiss me, which is anything but chaste. Your hands get greedy, for me, for my skin, and you put them under my shirt like they’re on fire and I’m water. You raise it until you uncover my bra. 

“Oh doctor, I knew there was underwear... you would never have left the hospital without it, I know you!” 

“That’s exactly what the point was... to get you to want to control”, I replied with a laugh.

You don’t waste any time and while I’m still talking, you slightly move my brassiere to place your lips first on one and then on the other nipple. So you devote your attention alternately, taking care of one with your mouth, but not neglecting the other, who you continue to tease with your fingers. I’m afraid that’s already making me lose control, so I stretch my hands towards your breast, but you lock them up and put them back on the pillows at my head.

“I thought I was clear, Doctor. Rest”... you say, in a caring voice. 

“But you said I could ask, right?” 

“Surely” 

This game is fun for you, you like to feel in control of the situation, but you don’t know you just gave me the keys to lead the game. 

“Okay, then I’d really like you to get out of bed and finish undressing...and then undress me too” and at my words you click and do what I ask. With a determined movement you take off the top, throwing it to the ground, leaving me at the mercy of the vision of the perfect shape of you. You slowly pull down your jeans and stop, looking at me, before taking of your underwear.

Your look… it's so firm, so confident, so bold, so provocative. You are the object of my growing desire, and it pleases you… if only you knew how much this image of you helped me fall asleep, fulfilled even though I couldn't have you, during the nights alone in the hospital. You play with the elastic band of your briefs a few seconds before lowering them and in this moment I feel my body on fire. My breathing stopped for a second, and it does so again when you return to me, more eagerly, and take off my sweatpants and notice that I hadn't entirely lied to you, since there were no other garments waiting for you underneath.

“I changed my mind, Maura, I didn’t expect that!” 

And in a moment, your lips are back on me, even more hungry, even more wantful. Hands seem to be fighting against time: they want to caress every inch of my skin, make me feel yours with every touch, but there’s no hurry and I’ll tell you by putting my hands on your face. You go into the part and smiling you put my hands over my head again: you know it would be a little while before they start to touch you all. And that’s what I really want to do.

“Touch Jane, touch your body for me”. 

I don’t even realize I’m telling you, until you look at me with an expression halfway between excitement and surprise at what just came out of my mouth. But you don’t let me tell you twice… damn, you decided to let me die tonight! Your mouth slightly open, while your tongue caresses your lips, your eyes open... that’s enough to start to feel my heartbeat getting stronger. You get on your knees and your hands start what seems like a dance.

Your fingers draw your perfect shapes, your tight hips, you uncover your neck with a head movement, and I really think I’ve never seen you so sexy and confident about yourself, about your body. Slightly stretch your knees and your hands pass over the inside of your thighs, while your pelvis helps make those movements even more sinuous and hypnotic. With one hand you sketch a line that goes straight down, down from the navel and stop just before touching your center. I can’t hold back the passion I feel anymore, my legs are moving, prey to the thrills of pleasure that just looking at you gives me.

You come a little closer and with the index and middle finger of your right hand you draw the profile of my face, starting at the forehead and going straight down, along the nose, until you reach my lips, where they stop. I take this opportunity to vent on those fingers all the erotic tension I am accumulating. My tongue caresses them, searches for them; my mouth invites them to stay, sucking them gently. I understand this has a certain effect on you, too, because I feel your breath striving harder and harder to seem controlled and your gaze is lost watching the sweet torture I’m imposing your fingers to.

You’re so caught up in it that you bring your face closer to mine, as if guided by a magnetic force, your eyes totally caught up in my cares. Look closely at this scene until you can’t resist... I can tell by the way you narrowed your eyes. But you don’t give up on the feelings I’m making you feel, and you place your lips on my neck, leaving a series of kisses, slow, intense. I can feel you leaving marks on me, and I don’t care, I just want to feel you in any way you think it’s appropriate. Your free hand goes down on my breast, torturing it, and I moan on your fingers.

Your tongue goes up my neck, to my ear. I feel your breath on it as the other hand comes down from my mouth, down my abdomen, down and down. I make a groan when you reach my intimacy, brushing it all the way with your fingertips. They start circling around, the caresses always stop the moment I think you’ll give me relief, leaving me even more prey in your hands.

A shiver runs down my back, which I bend when for the umpteenth time you let me burn instead of extinguishing this fire that’s growing, burning me from inside. I open my eyes and the look on your face makes me go wild. You’re burning with me. I can’t resist anymore, so I reach out my hand to yours, pushing it to deepen the contact. I won’t leave it, while I can’t help but call on your name, moaning. Your fingers get inside me and my groans become screams of pleasure. 

“God, Maura, keep on shouting my name”, you implored me in a low, deep voice.

“And you don’t stop”, I command you, as I leave your hand to devote myself to you. Our mouths are so close that when my fingers slowly go into your intimacy, I can sense every ounce of breath I’m making you lose. Our sighs get deeper and faster... but it’s when your sighs get interrupted that I realize you’re close to the climax. My thrusts get stronger, and so do yours. 

“I love you, Maura”, you whisper to me, before you let go and come. I feel your pleasure on my fingers, and feeling your body letting go on mine, it only takes a few more pushes for me to reach orgasm, too.

You lie down beside me, and when your breathing normalizes, I spread the covers over us and snuggle my head on your chest. We don't feel the need to put our clothes back on and I'm glad of that: the contact with your skin has a therapeutic effect on me. You kiss me just above my forehead and your hand caresses my shoulder as I play with a strand of your hair.

"Jane… wouldn't it be nice to fall asleep like that every night?" 

My voice is serene, though I always feel awkward sharing with you my sentiments. Not because you don't make me feel free to be myself, but because I am a woman of science and the strength of the feelings that bind me to you always leave me helpless. 

"I'm not going anywhere Maura, don't worry… and yes, that would be wonderful" you reply, kissing me on the forehead again and holding me in a love filled hug. 

“Move in with me, Jane" 

I don't know how, these words come out of my mouth so naturally. 

“What?!" You reply, wincing on my request. I'm confused by your reaction because I'm not sure how to interpret it.

“Yes, Jane... I’m asking you to live together. I thought about it: we spend almost every moment together, you’ve taken days off to assist me, and you’re never home from work; my house is big and your apartment is... well, with all due respect, in half of your closet there wouldn’t be enough space for my shoes!”

I start talking faster and faster, caught up in the frenzy of telling you the whole list of positive aspects that the our coexistence would have. Your face is puzzled, and I’m beginning to fear I’ve asked you a question that you weren’t ready for.

"Oh my God, Jane, I'm sorry… I went too far, you must be thinking that it's still too soon, that I'm asking you to give up your spaces, and then you're fond of your apartment..." 

I can't finish my sentence because your lips settle on mine. 

“Maura, will you let me talk too?" you ask, giving me one of those smiles that melts me. I'll nod and you resume.

“You know, I like my apartment, I’m free to leave a mess around…”

Your words make me sad, I was hoping your reaction would be different. God, what a fool I’ve been! 

My expression probably betrays my thoughts, because raise my chin with your hand, so we can meet our gazes. You’re laughing while you look at me. 

“I’m kidding, Maura... of course I want to live with you!” 

You kiss me right after you say what I think are the most beautiful words in the world.

We made love for hours, I don't think I've ever felt you want me so much… you fell asleep, exhausted, close to me...your scent intoxicates me, makes me feel complete. I let your embrace cradle me until I too let go of the sleep that envelops me. 

Tomorrow morning you will still be here by my side, and so it will be for many days to come. I've been waking up and falling asleep thinking about you for a long time...but having you close will be so much better.


	29. Changes

**Jane POV**

A perfume... your perfume... I just need to smell this to know you’re here. It’s a special scent, because it’s what your skin has after we made love. I haven’t opened my eyes yet, and I can’t think of anything but the night that just passed. I promised myself that I would keep hormones at bay, or at least try, to prevent you from getting tired, but it’s not my fault I couldn’t. I’ve missed you too much these past few days. And we had to celebrate with dignity the fact that we’re going to move in together... Wow, I still can’t believe it!

You’re right when you say we’re practically doing it already: every excuse is good to spend the night together, but we’ve always made sure that each of us had their own spaces, time for ourselves. I was already thinking about it, about going to live together I mean... I just wanted to make sure you were ready for this choice, but after the shooting I realized... why wait? And I’m sure it was the same thing you thought.

I open my eyes and you’re here, lying next to me, facing my side of the bed, so I can admire your face. You are so beautiful... you are perfect and every day you choose me to be by your side: I will never stop being thankful for that. I decide to go downstairs to make you breakfast, trying to move around without making the slightest noise, and just as I’m getting out of bed, I hear you calling me mumbling. 

“Hey, good morning, honey”, I say, leaning on the bed to kiss you on the cheek. 

“Where are you going?” you ask me, upset that I didn’t stay under the covers with you. 

“I’ll make breakfast and come back, okay? I’ll be right back”, I whisper, reassuring you, before leaving you another kiss and heading towards the kitchen.

I’m pouring coffee when I hear you coming down the stairs. I turn to look at you, your sleepy face is so sweet. 

“Maura... I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed!” Ugh, I hate it when you ruin my surprises. 

“That’s okay, Jane... I’ve been in bed too long!” you answer me, approaching and sneaking into my arms, looking for a hug that will not be long in coming. 

"Last night you didn’t seem to think so” I tell you sneering. You’re holding me so tight, it almost seems you time to miss me.

We sit down and while I’m drinking coffee I ask you to pass me the paper, you do but not before keeping a few pages for you. Apparently, as always, my facial gesture perfectly reflects what I think… in this case, my perplexity about your gesture. 

“Oh, I just took out the culture pages”, you said immediately after seeing my expression.

“I took them because I was eager to read the weekly in-depth on temporary exhibitions at the Boston Museum of Art… and you only read the black chronicle!”

"I warn you: it's going to take you forever to convince me to go with you to another Museum night”, I'd like to point it out right away… not so much because we got shot on our way back from one of those events, but because I hate getting dressed up for those kinds of gigs. And if I don't dress up enough, I usually end up being mistaken for a catering’s waitress. We finish breakfast and while I'm tidying up the kitchen, you decide to do some yoga exercises. You reassure me not to push yourself too hard, and I know you know your limits perfectly well, so it can only be good for you...but you decide to do it in the living room, moving the coffee table to the side so you have more space, and this allows me to have a front row ticket to see how flexible your body is. And it is... definitely it is.

  
In the afternoon I decide to go back to my apartment so as to inform the owner that I will leave the apartment and pick up some things. Since I’ve taken a few days to be with you during your recovery, I might as well take my things to your place. You offer to come with me and I willingly accept… I don’t wanna leave you alone and we decide to take the opportunity to stop for a short walk to the park. Today is a wonderful day and being a weekday, there is not the usual crowding of people. We walk holding our hands all the time, and that simple gesture helps me realize that all this is real… that our story is real.

After the walk, we go to talk to the owner: he tells me that he has had requests from potential new renters, and that he is therefore willing to refund me the last month’s rent if I’m moving out of the house within a week. With a handshake we conclude the agreement: it couldn’t have gone better than that, and then I don’t have many things to take away, so one week will be more than enough. We arrive at the apartment and I decide to start packing my things, beginning by emptying the closet.

It is highly probable that this is the only thing I have managed to keep always in order: more than half is occupied by a series of t-shirts, shirts and pants that differ from each other only by some shades of colour, work stuff and casual, let’s say; there is then a small part, where there is the outfit to go out, when dressing a little more formal is inevitable.

“Jane, I think you’re the only woman on the face of the earth who says ’I have nothing to wear' doesn’t lie”, you taunt me while you’re lying on the bed, relaxing while I pull out the garments one at a time. In fact, you’re not wrong, but I’m not giving up on the offending side.

“Well, if you don’t like my look, you could always pick up an Armani top model”, I make fun of you, while I continue my work, without even turning back. Mistake, because after half a second you throw a pillow at my head.

“By the way you dress, you certainly have a better chance to conquer”, you respond promptly, laughing at me. 

“Yes, in fact… When did you say it will be the fashion week in New York? I could go for a ride”, I say, pretending to be absorbed in my thoughts. This time the pillow hit me stronger than the first. I turn and see your disapproval gaze. Then I drop my clothes to the floor and jump on the bed above you.

"You know, maybe with the badge and my connections at the FBI I can find someone to get me backstage passes… I could offer my protection to some models, and you know one thing leads to another," I continue, while with my head I emulate a cat in a purring mood. 

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli...you wouldn't dare" you tell me...ah the jealousy, it makes me so fun to tease you. 

"If you’ll dare to betray me, you’ll see what will happen to all your identical shirts!" 

"No, my shirts are off limits… and they're not all the same, they're different colors" 

“They may be different, but your wardrobe could be summed up in a few words: 50 shades of sadness" you reply. Good joke though...I mean a good, understandable joke: I'm proud of you!

“If you were a man, I would probably threaten to cut off your penis if you cheat on me, but I’ll have to settle to pick on your clothes” and that’s two, your humor is definitely improving. I burst out laughing and you with me. Then your expression changes slightly... your gaze becomes more intense on me. “I would never betray you, doctor Isles”, I say, in a tone of voice that leaves aside the irony of the moment, staring at you. 

“I know”, you reply before kissing me. As soon as you break off that contact, you say a phrase I think I’ll have a hard time forgetting.

“You know we’re gonna have to have sex in all the places we haven’t done it before you leave the apartment, right?” 

We burst out laughing again, together. 

Definitely, Doctor, just the idea thrilled me.


	30. Crazy in love

**Jane POV**

"Where do you want to start?" I whisper as my lips begin to rest eagerly on your chest, left largely uncovered by the wide neckline of your shirt. 

"I don't know… what's the strangest place in the house you've imagined doing it?" you indulge me, and there are many fantasies in my mind… but I'll take the chance, after all there is one fantasy that has always been above all others.

“Ok... I’d say we’re done here”, I say, before I load you on my shoulder, amid your laughter and protests, and head towards the kitchen, taking the opportunity to slap your ass. I couldn’t help but do it. I sit you down once we get to the counter. 

“You better take off everything you don’t want to run the risk of getting dirty or ruined, doctor”, I tell you, leaving you there, as I walk towards the fridge.

**Maura POV**

Your request leaves me slightly puzzled, but just in case I obey, and in a moment I undress me, remaining only with my underwear… I leave the honour of completing the work to you, I'm sure you will appreciate it. I sit here on the counter, listening to you tinkering, hiding behind the fridge door. You close it and come towards me and I notice you're hiding something behind your back.

"Close your eyes Maura!" you intimidate me as soon as you notice I'm watching you. I obey your command at once, curious to know what you have in mind for us. From the sounds I hear, you must have just put a bottle down on the table. You touch one of my shoulders with the back of your hand, and I realize I didn't sense that you are so close. Your caresses relax me as I try to resist the temptation to open my eyes.

"I have a blindfold in my hand, Maura, and I would like you to wear it… can I put it on you?" you ask me and that's enough to make me swallow hard while I give you my consent with a shake of the head. I know what you're up to, and I'm very excited about it. When one of the senses is blocked, the brain expands the sensations that the other perceptual organs are able to give it. You remove my bra, with slow movements, like a trail of caresses. For a few seconds I seem to hear only the sound of your breathing: amazing how my hearing can already perceive the way it is getting deeper. I can almost see you, standing in front of me, trying to hold back your instinct to want to possess me instantly.

Your hand pushes strong on my collarbone, just enough to make me know you want me to lie down on the kitchen counter. As soon as my back touches the shelf, you step back from me again, so I rely again on the only way I can perceive you. I listen, and I understand you’ve just opened a bottle... of wine of course. I understand it from the noise it makes when you open it, and from the liquid when you pour it into a glass... if it was beer you wouldn’t pour it but you would drink it directly from the bottle. God, you’re so hot when you do that. 

“Since when don’t you offer guests a drink?” I scold you, hearing you sip. In a second I feel your lips resting on mine: they are wet, soaking with that nectar with which you are quenching your thirst.

I lick your mouth, and I immediately perceive that it is a red wine... you have always preferred them to the whites, because in fact they are like you, determined, stron... the taste is intense, like the sensations I get touching your lips with my tongue in this way. 

“Some more”, I ask you, intoxicated at the first taste. 

You leave your lips even more wet, after having had another sip, and come closer again. I can’t resist drawing you to me, to deepen that contact, and to explore your mouth in search of that taste so similar to you. 

“Doctor, you'll make me spill my wine if you continue doing that”, you say to a woman who is already at the mercy of your every gesture. I stay with my back against the counter, trying to figure out what your next move will be to drive me crazy, trying to control my growing heartbeat.

I'm totally unprepared when I feel you pour wine on my abdomen, on my chest, giving me tremors I can't hold back. I feel a drop slowly flowing up, passing between my breasts, then slowly stopping its course once it reaches the base of my neck. Your tongue rests on me, needing to reap what you have sown. I feel like a canvas, on which you enjoy leaving your brushstrokes, and with each passage of your mouth over my body, I feel the breaths getting shorter, more difficult.

While your tongue goes up, your hands run down my hips, trying to sneak between the counter and my back. Reflexively, I run my fingers over your arms, as if asking for more. I need to feel your body, have more contact. Finally your arms wrap around me and bring me up on my back, finding myself sitting up. You set your glass down, after having interrupted your attention on me long enough to take another sip. 

From the sound I understand that the glass is on my right, so as if it were the most natural thing in the world I move my hand, slowly but surely, until I find it and grab it, determined to quench my thirst.

I take a sip, just enough to enjoy it worthily, making sure to leave my mouth properly damp, as an invitation to you. You don’t wait to be asked twice, so you take the glass out of my hand, and after you have quickly secured it, your lips pour passionately on mine. With your right hand you bring me closer to you, caressing my back and I notice that in the meantime you have found time to take off your shirt and bra. Your warm body as soon as it touches me awakens all my passion. With my legs I grab your waist, pulling you even closer to me, and I caress your abdomen. God, even if I can’t see them, but just touch them, your abs are so exciting.

I feel a drop of wine still on my lip and you must have noticed it too, because your tongue rushes at it like an eagle at its prey. You make it move on my skin so slowly, I'm afraid my heart will burst in my chest at the way you're provoking me. My hands follow my instincts, starting to unbutton your pants, and slipping one right into your briefs. You're so excited... for me. In the throes of desire, I pass my free hand behind your head, to have your lips again, for a deep kiss. And I keep kissing you, feeling you moan into my mouth, and my fingers get into you with deep, firm but well-timed thrusts, letting you calm down between them just enough to make you tremble and ask for more.

You push yourself away from me, after whispering something in my ear. 

"Maura...I would love to try one thing. Do you trust me?" 

I'm not bothered by your question, though in asking it your tone is somewhere between embarrassed and absolutely wanting to have me. I hear you turn away and walk towards your room maybe and I wonder what you're up to. 

You come back after a few minutes that seem endless. 

“Okay, if you don't want to just tell me, okay?" you say walking back to me. I remain puzzled for a moment, wondering if maybe you'd forgotten that I'm blindfolded, so right now I can't know what you're talking about.

I love it when you’re so hesitant, you soften me. You touch me and slowly take off my thong, pulling me closer to the edge of the table. In a moment, I feel your head between my legs, totally dedicated to giving me intoxicating feelings. I have to admit that not being able to see is seriously broadening the other perceptual abilities... or maybe you’re really doing your best now, because it’s enough to push me closer to the limit. And it’s just before let me go completely to the pleasure that you step back from me to have another sip of wine. A big sip from the way I hear you swallowing... you seem nervous. You come closer and kiss me again, decided to take off my blindfold.

I can finally see you again, and I can admire your eyes full of desire and that slightly strained smile, like the one you had the night we went to dinner at that restaurant, when you gave me this pendant. You seem to read my thoughts, because you look at it before you place your mouth on mine again, and it's when you move closer to do so that I feel it. I interrupt that kiss too soon for you, but the curiosity to answer the question in my head is too much. If my thigh felt right... 

"Oh Jane, really?" I tell you, surprised, excited, practically smitten as soon as I see you're wearing a strap-on.

"Here, I knew it… you don't like it… okay, I'm going to..." I didn't let you finish the sentence because I kiss you again. When you start to rant, I realize this is the most effective way to interrupt you. 

"Don't even think about it… you won’t believe it, but I wanted to buy you one, but I didn't want you to misunderstand," I say sneering. 

"So… it's okay… I mean, do you want to...?" you ask me, unsure but also impatient. I think you understand the answer as I begin to move it slowly up and down along my opening. Your face confirms to me that the message came through loud and clear, but in doubt I draw you with my hands on your hips towards my body, inviting you to thrusting into me.

I moan with my mouth close to yours as soon as you do. Your movements are slow, but they are signs of a growing passion that is in no hurry. As you penetrate me, my hands grab your breasts, giving them all the attention they deserve, and my mouth goes to your neck, licking it, kissing it, branding it. Your heartbeat is definitely getting stronger, I can feel it pushing its pulses up to my hand and I can tell the excitement is taking over. You step back from me and make me stand up in front of you. You take my face in your hands leaving me a sweet kiss...you know that what you want to do to me is far from tender, but not for this without love.

Your hands rest on my hips, inviting me with their motion to turn around. You draw me to you, take my shoulders, and you grab my breasts, while your tongue takes over my neck. You let a hand slip into my intimacy. The way you’re loving me is total...you’re losing yourself in me, yours is a devout loving me, as if you were guided by the total passion you feel for me. And I love you for that, because you make me feel complete, every single time, every day, every moment we spend together. You take my hands and lean them with yours to the edge of the kitchen counter. You leave me a kiss on the shoulder, which makes me realize how much you want to own me like this and how much you’re thankful I want it too.

I arch my back slightly, to better expose my pelvis to you as you take me and make me yours. First slowly, with your body trying as much as possible to stay in contact with mine… I would have never imagined you could make me feel like this… then with stronger thrusts, while your fingers seem to want to dig into my flesh… I didn't think I could feel all your desire like this… and finally taking me by the hips with your hands, pushing me to invoke your name among the moans that lead me to the climax… I will never cease to be amazed by how you can make me feel fully, completely, totally loved every time.


	31. Mr. Jones

**Maura POV**

I think after a day like this, I might really miss our romantic getaways in your apartment. It is evening and we have already packed most of your stuff, but you decide to take away only the boxes with your wardrobe for the moment, so you can settle down calmly. We’re heading back to what’s now becoming our home, and while you’re driving, I’ll take this opportunity to ask you a thorny question. “I was thinking...we promised the others to celebrate at Dirty Robber as soon as I finish the period of illness… what if we take this opportunity to announce our cohabitation?”

You smile and look at me. 

“You read my mind, Maura. I don’t want to wait, especially so my mom or Frankie don’t find out any other way about this. This time I’d like to do things right”, you reply. The corner of your mouth rises slightly, in a smiling smile. When we arrive home, I help you unpack your things, making room for your clothes in the closet. Fortunately, you don’t need much space, so I don’t have to find myself clumsy in figuring out where to put my stuff. I will definitely have to tidy up in the next few days, and make room... make room for you in my daily life. There’s nothing I want to do more than this now.

** A few days after **

**Jane POV**

Finally after today my move will be over. I stopped by my old apartment to pick up the last couple of boxes, while you decided to stay home to take a bath...I wish I could’ve been there to keep you company, but I preferred you to enjoy your relaxation ritual in peace. And then it will be nicer to smell the scent of bath salts on your body tonight. I'm just finishing closing the package with my favorite mugs inside, when I hear my phone vibrate. 

"Do you miss me yet?" I answer in a hurry.

Being off work, you can only be the one to call me… or so I thought. 

"I kind of do, actually… hi Jane!" 

When I hear the voice on the other end of the phone, the blood freezes in my veins. 

“Casey?" I reply and my voice reflects all the concerns over this phone call. 

“Apparently you haven't lost your intuition, Jane!"

God, I can't believe it… I haven't heard from him in ages… I haven't heard from him since… that night....

_Flashback_

_“Jane, I can’t believe we’re really talking about this”, he says, incredulously. I would, I would really like to be happy with him… a home, a family, someone who loves me for the rest of my life… I didn’t think the day would come when I would want this for myself, for my future. And now that someone’s ready to give me that chance... there’s something holding me back. It would be simple and Casey is gorgeous, I was in love with him since high school, he is a wonderful person, strong, determined, affectionate... that’s why I can’t say yes to him._

_It would be happiness so close at hand, despite our seemingly incompatible careers, but I feel like I'm not the right woman, I'm unsure if I want to take this step with him and I don't want to risk hurting him even more, more than I am right now._

_“Casey, I'd like to take you up on your offer, I really would… but I can't"_

_“Can you explain what your problem is?" he asks me, decidedly altered. It intimidates me to hear him speak to me in that tone. But I can't do that to him, I can't deceive him into thinking I can give him what he wants._

_"I'm… I'm not ready, that's all"_

_“That's all Jane? Hell, we've been chasing each other for years, we could have been happy long ago, I asked you to marry me and first you say yes… and now..." I lower my gaze, feeling guilty, and I'm right. I never wanted to hurt him. I just want him to believe me._

_"Casey, I can't marry you… I thought I could, but… I'm not ready"_

_"Not ready or not ready to do it with me?" His words confuse me...I can't figure out where he's going with this._

_"What aren’t you telling me, Casey? Spit it out, stop with this dancing around..."_

_“Oh come on Jane, you really want me to believe that Maura had nothing to do with this?”_

_I’m unsettled by his question... I still don’t understand what you mean. I’m going through my mind and I remember when I got to the office I saw you guys talking aside, but I didn’t give it too much thought. I could see the conversation was serious, but you were both staying calm, so I didn’t want to get in the way. When I told you about his proposal, you were happy for me, so I don’t understand why she asked that._

_"What did Maura tell you?" I ask him, thinking that he actually has the answer to his question, unlike me. Maybe I'm missing a piece of this puzzle… I just don't know._

_“You didn't answer my question"_

_“Damn it Casey, what the hell were you talking about to each other today?"_

_"It's not because of what we talked about that I'm asking you. But if you really want, I'll tell you… she wanted me to realize how lucky I am to have you, to have the chance to love you, to make you happy. And that if I hurt you, even once, I'd have to deal with her."_

_"She... you know how Maura is... she's protective."_

_"In fact... it's not what she told me that's the problem... the problem is that you won't agree to marry me because... well, because I'm simply not her"_

_“What the fuck are you saying Casey? But do you hear yourself when you speak?"_

_Now I'm pissed off, like a beast... you and me, what? What image did he get in his head of our relationship? I don't get it... or maybe I'm finally starting to get it. I'm starting to realize that maybe there's a reason for this insecurity I have. What if... No, it can't be. I never thought that... that we... and yet I've been looking at you for a while and I feel like I'm doing it differently._

_We're colleagues, we've been working together for a long time, but above all we're friends… that's why we're so close… that's why we…_

_I'd like my thoughts to convince me at least, I really would. I sit up, trying to regain my composure in this maelstrom of sensations and thoughts and… no, it can't be. Am I really giving up a man who loves me and could make me happy, for… for what? An idea? Maybe an infatuation? I don't know, I really don't. There's a real mess in my head, I can't put a name to the emotions that overlap, overwhelm, fight inside me._

_For a moment in this room it's just me and my emotions. I forget about everything except me... and you. I even forget that Casey is still here, three feet away from me, until I hear his voice._

_"Jane, I get it… and in time I will accept that you said no to our love for what is perhaps meant to be a greater love. Someday maybe I'll wish you happiness. But you'll forgive me if I don't stay here to comfort you now… if one day you change your mind, come knock on my door. I don't know if I'll still be waiting for you, but do you, when in doubt."_

He left my house, after I gave him back the ring... I never saw him again. I never heard from him again. Until now, until this moment.


	32. My heart says no

**Jane POV**

I try to come to my senses after the momentary shock caused by hearing his voice after all this time. 

"I'm sorry… I just didn’t expect to hear from you. How are you?" 

I'm glad to hear him, I really am. And the fact that he was the one who called me makes me happy… despite the way it ended between us, he is still someone who has been important in my life.

"You know… I’m in town and I wanted to hear from you. And maybe ask you if you want to meet up for a beer if you're not too busy. I was wondering if I could talk to you," he asks me. 

"Of course I would, Casey!" I reply to him in a rush, without the idea even passing through my brain for at least a second before the answer comes out of my mouth. It's only natural that I'd want to see him… I mean, I think. I don't see anything wrong with that, do you? We've been together, but it feels like a lifetime ago.

“Are you all right?” I ask him. He said he wanted to talk to me, and I’m bound to worry that something’s going wrong.

“Don’t worry, Jane. How about 6:00 at the Dirty Robber?” he proposes, and I’d say he couldn’t have made a better choice. 

“All right, I’m game!”

  
  


I’m going to send you a text to tell you I’ll come back home after dinner. After each letter I type I stop me, unsure of what I’m doing, or rather of how much it’s going to be a huge mess. I can’t tell you I’m meeting with Casey, so I’d rather not mention why I’m late. I know you two don’t have good blood, so I’m afraid you might not take it very well. 

\- Can I leave you something to eat? Is everything all right? - you answer me, caring as always. And I feel guilty, as I should be.

\- Yeah, it's OK. I think I'll stop and get a takeaway on the way home. A kiss - I reply, glad you didn't ask me anything. 

I put on my jacket and give myself a quick glance in the mirror, which only serves to make me notice how messed up my hair is… as usual. I try to fix them with my hands as best I can, take the keys and turn to take one last look at what has been my home for 7 years. It's the end of a chapter, a wonderful chapter...but the one about to begin I'm sure will be just as interesting to live.

I get to the Dirty Robber and when he’s already seated at the table inside, so I go to join him. As soon as he saw me he greeted me, getting up to embrace me: I did not expect such a warm greeting sincerely. He was never one for affectionate gestures, although he was sweet... he showed it with his caring for me. He’s definitely in perfect shape, although on his shoulders and arms the leather jacket seems to be almost tight because of his musculature... he looks like Hulk!

We order two beers, and sitting at the table with us there also seems to be a good deal of awkwardness. So I decide to break the ice by asking him how life in the military is going. He tells me he just returned from another mission in Afghanistan and is close to getting a rank advancement, and I'm proud of him, he deserves it. I congratulate him and without realizing it, as I tell him how happy I am for him, my hand caress his arm. We both freeze at that gesture, almost an unconditional reflex that seems to embarrass us both but, as soon as I realize it, I take my hand off immediately.

  
  


**Maura POV**

I have to say, I feel very good today. These days you’re spoiling me like never before. I really feel treated like a princess. You went out in the afternoon to pick up your last things from the apartment and leave the keys to the house owner. From tonight, we are officially living under the same roof, and I couldn’t be more stunned since the beginning of this new phase of our history. I wanted to come with you, but this moment should be only yours.

You have so many memories inside those walls… the transfer from the DEA to the homicide unit, when your mother moved to you when she divorced, Sundays having lunch watching baseball games with your brother… and then there are memories in that apartment that we share. We fought, we screamed… we were scared together when Hoyt threatened you… we made love… we said ’I love you' so many times… all this, and much more, together.

I wander around the kitchen, with very little desire to cook: the long bath I gave myself as a treat has relaxed me so much that I don't want to start cooking. 

\- Hey, honey, I'll be back after dinner. Okay? -

It must be hard to definitely leave your apartment, the scene of so many important moments, so I reply to you, asking if it's all okay. You say everything is fine and don't need anything for dinner. Mhh… what better time to try the takeaway from the new vegan restaurant that opened near the station, since I'll be alone?

I take the car keys and leave the house. Even sweatpants will be more than fine… I don't want to have to get ready and then get home and let everything cool down to put on my home clothes again. For once, comfort beats perfection in all circumstances. I look for a parking place near the restaurant, but it seems to be full, so I take a side street and I manage to find a free place to leave the car: a walk won't hurt me. The evening air is crisp, pleasant… fortunately here in Boston we don't have high rates of pollution, and I want to promise myself, once the enforced rest is over, to take more frequent walks outside.

I enter the restaurant, where a very nice girl welcomes me, gives me the menu and informs me that the take-out will not take long. The place is nice, well furnished, and the service is decidedly well organized, so that a few minutes after ordering they give me my dinner. We hope the quality of the food will match the quality of their service, so that I might be able to convince you to come here with me for lunch. 

I come out of the restaurant and the nice air of the evening makes me lose myself in my thoughts.

I realize I forgot to turn on the small road that would have brought me back to the car, so I decide to take the next one… I don't want to give up my good intention to walk more, right? 

I'm a little surprised to see your car park a little further on. We're a long way from your apartment, but it's definitely yours, I recognized the license plate… occupational hazard perhaps? We're actually near the Dirty Robber, you might have stopped by for a beer, but I decide to leave you alone and head back. Or I would have, if only I hadn't heard that voice, his voice, and a moment later… your voice. My mind is telling me to leave, surely you have an explanation for being with him, but my heart wants answers now. I can't hear what you're saying to each other, chatting amiably and I wonder if you didn't just meet by chance… but the scene I find myself in front of, as soon as I move to look at you, leaves little to the imagination.

He's... he's... he's kissing you. His is a passionate kiss and you… you stay there, letting your lips be his. God, I can't watch you for not even another second. I can't... I can't believe this. I see everything blurry and realize it's because I'm crying. I hurry away… I just need to get home, wait for you and see what you’ll tell me. My head tells me to stay, but my heart says no! And even then, I decide to listen to my heart.


	33. The bigger picture

**Maura POV**

You arrive after about half an hour, which seems endless to me. I’ve tried to pull myself together, to analyze the situation clearly, but it all depends on what you will or won’t tell me as soon as you walk through that door. I see you come in and I know right away that you’re restless, I just have to look at you to know it, but you try to disguise it in every way. 

“Hi Jane, how was it then?” I’m asking you, as I get closer to you. Then I freeze, realizing I was coming to you to kiss you, like I always do, but now I can’t, I can’t do it. You put the boxes in the lobby and I see you didn’t stop to get anything to eat.

"Well, all good… I've officially left my apartment and these are the last two boxes with my stuff in them. I handed the keys to old Bernie… everything's fine," you say, conveniently avoiding my gaze. 

"Didn't you stop to get food? If you want I left you some vegan meatballs that are great" 

“Where did you get dinner?" you ask, while you look at the packaging, reading the name of the restaurant, written on it. Address included. And in that moment you freeze, stuck. You know that restaurant is near the Dirty Robber, and you even remember putting your car not too far from there.

You must have realized there’s a chance I saw something, but it seems like your brain is coming up with all of them to convince you it would be too absurd a coincidence. I’m calling your name to try to get you back from your thoughts.

  
  


**Jane POV**

I’m stuck reading that address. Fortunately, you distract me by saying my name, as if to wake me from the trance that I must appear to have entered. But I feel the agitation is taking hold of me. I look up and looking at you I notice something’s wrong, it almost seems like you... cried? No, come on, it can’t be… but I read the address of the restaurant where you picked up your dinner, my car was right there… I can’t hold your gaze. It’s asking me for answers... and I’m afraid I’ve understood which is the question.

“Hey Maura... is something wrong?” I ask you, trying to solve the riddle that’s tormenting me. I walk up to you, and as soon as I touch your arm, I feel you’re stiff. 

“I don’t know, Jane… you tell me if something’s wrong”, and as you say that, you turn around and look me right in the eye. Why I was so stupid, I wonder. 

“I saw Casey”... I admit, which I realize I should have done a while ago. 

“I know...but maybe there’s something else you want to tell me, Jane?” you answer me. Your voice is so... resigned, as you ask me this question.

“He kissed me”... I say, as I see tears coming down your face, that without them it would be pure impassibility. You’ve seen everything. It’s the only way I can explain the composure of your reaction. You don’t say a word, I’m sure you’re weighing every word ready to come out of your mouth, but none of them seem right to you. You’re afraid to say something you’d regret. So I take the opportunity to explain and soothe the tornado I hear is sweeping you.

"...he kissed me, he took me by surprise. I wasn't prepared for that… but as soon as I realized what he was doing, I gave him a slap in the face that I think he'll take a while to forget!" I sound smug as I say it, almost as smug as I was when I gave him that slap. God, my hand went on throbbing most of the way in the car on the way back here. Your expression changes… you don't know what I'm talking about, I can see it in your face. You saw us, I get it… but apparently you didn't see the whole scene.

“Mhmm, are you serious? And I’m supposed to believe you, just like that?” you tell me, battled whether or not to convince you of what I just told you. 

“It’s the truth... I was a fool not to tell you he asked me to meet, but there’s no one in the world who wants to kiss but you!”

You still don’t seem convinced by my words. 

“I was there, Jane… I saw you… I saw him kissing you… and then I couldn’t handle it, I ran away… I couldn’t see you with him, so...” I’m getting even closer to you, and I understand that you’re blaming yourself for jumping to conclusions.

You, of all people, the one who never does it! Slowly I wrap you in my embrace and you don't resist, resting your head against my chest. 

"It caught me off guard, I couldn't avoid it...but there's you, only you, in my life now," I say kissing your forehead. You fight in my arms for a while, then I can feel your muscles relaxing, and I can tell you're calming down. 

"I'm sorry Jane, it's just that… what I saw… I thought..." 

“No my love, you forgive me, for not being honest with you… it's just that I know how you feel about Casey and the last thing I wanted to do was upset you if there was no point to it… definitely mission failed!" 

I hear you laughing, that's a good sign.

“And I like to feel you jealous of me… but I promise not to do anything like that anymore… at most I’ll make you jealous because I’m looking at some pretty unknown girl’s ass” I joke about it, but even if you realized I didn’t mean it, you take the chance to punch me on the hip. I deserved it, so I try to suffer quietly. You regret a moment later, thinking you’ve managed to hurt me, and you make it up by kissing me. A chaste kiss… then another, more intense… and yet another, decidedly hotter.

“How did you feel when he kissed you?” 

“Nothing” I say, as you keep kissing me, pulling away your lips from mine just as long as it takes to ask the question and hear my answer. 

“He kissed you like that?” 

You’re killing me...

“No... he’s never kissed me like that.” 

Your lips go down to my neck, while with your hands you open my shirt by force, popping the buttons… I know the impetus that’s driving you, but you seem to be able to keep it at bay, you manage to control that feeling of jealousy, and this allows you not to be worn down by it, as happened to me when you told me that you slept with Jack.

You push me up against the wall and I feel one of your hands craving up under my tank top, caressing my skin, while the other goes down my leg, caressing it and bringing it to your side so that our bodies are in full contact. 

"Has he ever made you shudder like that?" 

You begin to move with your pelvis on me, with calm, deep movements… your intimacy pushes against my centre and although there are still clothes between us, we both feel the passion growing rapidly. 

“Oh Maura..."

You get away from me just enough to stick your fingers inside me, without feeling the need to undress me to do it. I am totally at your mercy, I give in to your every touch, every caress, every kiss. I’d like to give you the same sensations, make you feel the excitement I’m feeling, but you’re blocking my hand. You just want to have me now. I don’t resist, while I hear your pushing intensified… you know I’m reaching the limit. 

“Oh Maura...please don’t stop” 

You’re making me crazy, totally. I just feel a wonderful excitement taking complete control of me.

I take you by the hips, inviting you to make your movements even stronger… my lips seek yours, until they find them and we exchange a kiss full of love and passion. I don't want our lips to part, but I need to catch my breath. 

"Oh Maura, yes like this..." I moan into your mouth and your eyes are so seductive, you're totally at the mercy of me and the only thing you can think about right now is making me your. We can't seem to get enough of each other, each time we make love in such a full, total way that it blows my mind. I lose myself in you, and by losing myself in you, I totally find myself again… it's amazing the way you make me feel.

You rest your forehead on my shoulder, putting all of yourself into the final thrusts until you feel my muscles contract as I come. You stay here in my arms for a few minutes as our breaths return to normal. Your smile is smug, but also so full of love, love for me. 

"Welcome to OUR home, Jane"


	34. Raise your glass

**Jane POV**

You had your checkup at the hospital this morning, so I drove you there and then decided to drop by the station while waiting. It was more of a formality, so you didn't want me to wait around there. I'll officially be back at work starting Monday, but I wanted to stop by and say hello to others and catch up on what's been going on over the past few days. I take everyone down to the bar, under the guise of having a coffee and a chat, immediately resuming good old habits.

Everyone will come to Dirty Robber tonight to celebrate our return to work, including your mom who I'm about to pick up from the airport right now. She took the opportunity of coming to see you, having to settle some matters for the detachment of her association here in Boston. She couldn’t have chosen a better time, really. Although my relationship with her has improved since we were shot, I have to admit that Hope always makes me a little in awe… I think it's normal for her to have that effect on me, us being a couple, but today I feel it even more.

**Maura POV**

Blessedly the check-up went well, so by Monday I can officially return to work and our lives will be normal again. You texted me that you hit traffic after you stopped to pick up Hope at the airport, so I took the opportunity to go to the bar near here to get coffees. They have some really interesting blends, I know I'll find one to suit my mom's refined tastes. I'm glad she's coming to town… as much as we've talked every day since I was discharged, having her here is totally different, even if it's just for a couple of days.

I pull the car over and get in on the fly, and as soon as you see the coffee you almost snatch it out of my hand… your caffeine addiction worries me a little. You see my amused face because of your impetuosity, so before driving on you leave me a tender kiss on the lips, thanking me for the nice thought. I don't know why, but I'm a little embarrassed about you kissing me in front of my mother. I turn to her to pass her the coffee and in her face there is happiness at the sight of that gesture so simple and full of love. I didn't think she'd be so accepting of our relationship. I wonder if she'll feel the same way when we tell her about our living together.

You made me promise to not give her any special treatment, so she’s gonna find out tonight, along with the others. 

“So, Hope, how was the flight?” 

“Ah, all right, long but quiet… then it wasn’t very crowded, lucky for me!” 

We drive my mother to her home: coming often to Boston, she decided not to sell or rent it. I offered to host her in the guest house when she needed it, but she categorically refused to not risk invading my privacy. Let’s just say this time it came in handy to maintain the surprise effect for tonight’s announcement: she would have immediately noticed that you moved in with me.

On the other hand, every time she comes here, she always informs me a few days in advance, so I can arrange to meet her and this makes me really happy. I wish my mother, Constance I mean, was just as willing to be a part of my life. 

We greet her, giving us an appointment for this evening, you offer to pick her up but she says that she prefers to reach us directly there, having to go to the clinic first. After all, I'm not sorry for that… the detour to come to her would have forced us to leave earlier, so we'd have a little more time for us. I can't help it, I can't get enough.

**Jane POV**

“Maura, come on… We’re gonna be late!” 

I’m impatient. I always have been, but tonight... Tonight is a big night. In front of all our friends, we’re going to take an important step. As always, I realize every second of waiting was definitely worth it when I see you coming down the stairs. You’re gorgeous, and your beauty just takes my breath away. I think this feeling will never go away... inside me I know I will always have an astonished look for you. 

“What’s the matter? Too elegant?” 

You look at me, perplexed by my expression.

I get up from the kitchen stool to come towards you. I take your hand to get you down the last stairs... you always make me bring out my most romantic side. As soon as you get down, I put your hand on my shoulder, bringing you even closer to me. You shake your head, and your flowing hair falls better on your shoulders, with a gesture so natural, but to my eyes so sensual. 

We stay like this, looking at each other for a few seconds, in your eyes I see reflected the love you feel for me and I understand that I really can’t live without you anymore: I just need one look from you to completely fill my soul.

My lips move, guided by their own will, but a moment before settling on yours, you interrupt that perfect moment, bringing me back to reality. "Weren't we late?" you tell me, laughing amused that I seem to have forgotten everything else while I’m here with you. 

"Actually if we leave now we'll be right on time… but I won't let you leave home without doing this first," I reply, leaving my lips free to reach yours as I hold you in my arms gently dipping you.

I feel your hand put more force on my neck to hold on, our kiss manages to be a perfect balance between chaste and passionate. I keep that pose, even after I have moved my lips away from yours, and I see your eyes lost in mine. 

“I love you, Maura... I’ll always love you” 

“Me too, Jane. Don’t ever stop loving me this way!” you answer me, before you reunite our mouths again, while you caress my face. I would like to get lost, to let myself go totally at this moment, but we have all the time in the world... and now we just risk being late. I’m sure we’ll have something to celebrate when we get back. At least I hope so.

“Doctor, come on, it’s time to go” 

“Won’t you stay here? With me?” you reply, in a provocative voice... very provocative. Your neckline is making it hard for me, but I try to cool my jets and convince you that we actually need to go.

**Maura POV**

You’re being a little weird tonight. You seem like the night you took me to dinner at that wonderful restaurant. Instinctively my hand rests on my chest, where the pendant you gave me right in that occasion. I'm actually a little nervous too: I think what we've done is an important step. After all, why wait? 

We're not kids, who're getting caught up in the excitement of something that's still in its beginnings.

No, we’ve been through a lot, actually through a lot. We approached slowly, we were afraid of the feelings we felt growing. We tried to repress them, or better, we tried, surrendering to them only after we realized we couldn’t escape them. But I don’t want to get too lost thinking about what could have been. Now we’re together, that’s what matters.

  
  


We arrive at the Dirty Robber, I find a parking lot just before the pub and I thank God: apparently one week was enough to make my feet lose the habit of wearing heels and leaving the car here I won't have to walk much. I put my hand on the handle to open the car door when you block me, grabbing my left arm just above the wrist. Your look is… I don't know how to define it, a mixture of many things, which remain indecipherable to me. You see how I watch you, and you turn your expression into a smile. Your smiles are rare, often small, but they make me fall in love all over again every time.

But I recognize one thing in the depths of your dark eyes. It’s always there, every time you look at me... it’s that force that wins everything. 

“You don’t think you’re gonna get out of the car without kissing me first?” you ask me, and I immediately grant your request, putting both hands on your face, as if to make that contact between our lips even more intense. 

“Okay, I’d say we can go now.” 

We get out of the car and enter the pub and I realize that they’re almost all here already.

Korsak made us prepare a table practically in the center of the bar. I see that he brought Kiki and I’m glad: they are a really nice couple and that man definitely deserves to be happy. Your mother interrupts the conversation she was having with Hope to greet me with a hug. We haven’t seen each other after I’ve been discharged… sometimes I see our mothers and I think we’re much more like them than we want to admit. I greet everyone and then I come sit next to you.

I’m glad they had this idea... after all, this is our family, all the people dearest to us are in this place to celebrate with us our narrow escape. I was about to order drinks, but you beat me and order champagne for all. Nice move Jane... we’ll have a perfect time to announce our coexistence. Let’s just hope the wine makes them well-disposed to the news.

**Jane POV**

"Waitress...could you get us all some champagne? My treat!" 

“Jane, next time you could buy a drink even without getting shot!" says my dumb brother Frankie, making fun of me. Out of spite, I steal the bottle in front of him, draining what was left of the beer he ordered to kill the time before our arrival. He looks at me sideways but I have my answer ready.

“Come on Frankie, you would never have finished it before the waitress brought us the champagne… I wanted to help you!” 

He looks up to the sky, knowing that even if he did, I’d always find a way to get the last word. Actually, I needed liquid courage… now. You turn around, and I realize you probably didn’t appreciate it, because you’re staring at me. I make a fake guilty face and immediately I see a smile on your face... I make you laugh but you don’t want to give me the win.

The waitress arrives, and as soon as everyone gets their glasses full, you stand up. 

"I'd like to thank you all for being here… Jane and I really dodged a major bullet this time and it's nice to be here with you to celebrate that everything went well. I'd like to thank Frankie and Korsak, for catching the culprits in a surprisingly short time," you begin with great confidence. Then you turn to me, as if to ask my permission to be the one to make the announcement. I don't even need to nod my head at you, you can tell just from the look on my face what the answer is. You take me by the hand though, and I stand up next to you, feeling that you ask for my support.

"Jane and I realized that there is no certainty of tomorrow, and that we want our future to start now… in short we felt this was the best time to tell you, our family, that we have decided to move in together!" 

You look at me saying those last words, as if you suddenly don't care about the reaction of others, but only about me. The reaction they have is one of unanimous happiness… like they were waiting for it, like this were the obvious evolution of our relationship. It is in their eyes as much as it was for us… so I understand that the moment couldn't be more perfect to gather up my courage and take the floor, in this little hubbub of joy. 

“Actually, that's not all we're here to tell you," I say as I feel my heart start beating like a jackhammer.


	35. Lost on you

**Jane POV**

"Actually, that's not all we're here to tell you," I say as I feel my heart begin to pound like a jackhammer in my heart. 

"You'll forgive me if I take a sip of this first," I say, practically drinking half a goblet in a nanosecond. I need all the help I can get right now, I'm on a roll.

"Maura and I have decided to live together and I'm really pleased to see that you're happy about this, that you're happy for us, because we think it's a crucial step for our relationship. But there's something else, something that only one person knows in this place… and it's not you Maura" I conclude laughing, while you turn towards me, confused by what I'm saying… but don't worry, looking at who's around us you're not the only one.

"You don't know, because to do things right someone had to know it before you did," I continue, taking your hands and turning you to face me. I stare at my eyes in yours, trying to catch my breath, with a look that wants to ask you to trust me once more.

  
  


**Maura POV**

"I think loving you and being loved by you are the greatest blessings that could have happened to me in my whole life… having both makes me think that maybe I don't deserve this, but that I want to do everything I can to be worthy of it.” 

You're speaking from the heart, like I've never heard you do… and you're doing it here, in front of all the people we care about most. It has to be an incredible effort for you, but in your eyes I see absolute serenity. 

I just don't understand why you're doing this, why now, until you let go of my hand to slip your into the jacket pocket… _ I can't believe it _ … as you kneel down…  _ you're not really doing it _ … and you open that box… and everything around us disappears. "Maura Dorothea Isles...will you marry me?" 

At these words I definitely don't understand anything anymore, I think I can't formulate a complete sentence… but I understand that you don't need a sentence, one word is enough.

"Yes… yes Jane, of course I'll marry you!" I answer your question, and without even giving you time to get up, I kiss you, taking your face in my hands, while you're still on your knees and I feel my legs give out, incredulous that this is really happening. Tears of joy fall from your eyes and flow onto my hands, you stand up and hug me. 

"Thank you Jane, you couldn't have made me happier," I whisper. You kiss my cheek softly, before answering me, letting me feel your warm breath on my ear.

“You… you made me happy... saying yes!” 

We pull away from that hug, and you finally get to put the ring on my finger. It’s beautiful, nothing too showy, you know my tastes. In a moment everyone comes to congratulate us... but my curiosity never leaves me. 

“Who did you mean when you said someone already knew?” I’m asking you while your mother’s stabbing you in her embrace. You can only make a move with your head and I follow your gesture.

You were talking about Hope, who has been left out of that hugging and patting mess, so I deflect to go to her. 

"Don't tell me she came to ask for my hand, because I don't believe that..." 

"Actually that's exactly what she did… we were late picking you up after your medical checkup because not only did she ask if she could propose, but she wanted me to help her choose the ring," she tells me, wiping away the trail of happy tears that wet my face with her hand. I take it with my hand to hold it still close to my cheek.

"She loves you so much… and I know you will be protected and loved with her," and at her words the tears resume, and I embrace her, as any daughter would do with her mother, knowing she is on her side. Happiness is in full control of me, I never thought I could feel this way.

  
  


**Jane POV**

I manage to get rid of my brother and we sit back down, so I decide to buy another round of drinks for everyone. You take a seat next to me again and rest your hand on my leg, and I see that ring finally on your finger. I smile at you and you smile me back, our gazes meeting before you move even closer to me. I understand that you want to tell me something between you and me, so I bring my face towards yours. 

"You asked Hope for my hand in marriage… really?" you laugh as you ask, then continue.

"Well, it seems like the logical choice… you know, if you'd gone to my father it was so probably that you'd have an awl in your chest!" 

I'm surprised you can be ironic about this, but your laugh is unmistakable. 

“Anyway, I don't know about you, but I wish I could go home… you know how it is… it's been an emotional night..." your voice left the irony of a few seconds ago and became lower, hoarse… seductive.

As if that wasn't enough you slide your hand slightly higher up my thigh, just enough to keep you from being noticed by others but to turn my neurons to jelly. We finish drinking our second round with them and then we defect, under the pretext of having to start working on my moving tomorrow. Too bad I don't even have the keys to my old apartment anymore… but they don't know that.

You don’t seem to be able to resist me any more as soon as we get in the car, so I have to reprimand you a couple times to avoid the risk of an accident because of your hands on me. We get home and I think I’ve hit the throttle a little bit, because in a few minutes we’re home. We go in and the first thing you do is take off your shoes... apparently you’re not used to wearing them so high anymore, dear “Doctor Five-Inch Heels”. I hang my jacket at the coat rack at the entrance, while I hear your voice from the kitchen asking me if I want some wine.

I don’t have to drive, and I really want to celebrate this night's events with my girlfriend, so of course I say it’s okay. 

“I think it’s time to open this”, you say, picking up a bottle from the middle shelf on the right side of the fridge. There I learned that you keep your most valuable “pieces”, the ones to open only for really special occasions. Well, I’d say if this isn’t, then I don’t know which one might be.

You open it and pour the champagne into the glasses, with such grace in your movements. 

"I'd say to toast to us… to our future together… and to you never ceasing to surprise me. I love you Jane," you proclaim, after handing me my glass. 

"I love you too Maura" and I kiss you before I drink… wow, this wine seems to be from another planet than what we had earlier with the others. We decide to sit on the couch, taking the bottle and glasses with us. I sit first and you settle down beside me, taking my arm and bringing it over your shoulders, surrounding yourself with it.

"I never thought you could make a gesture like that… don't get me wrong, not that you're not a romantic person… but you must have had a lot of guts, weren't your legs shaking?" you ask me. 

"Not really… I mean asking your mother for permission to do that, yes, it was one of the most terrifying things I've done. But to ask you not… I admit it's true what they say, which is that the seconds between when you ask the question and when you hear the answer seem to last for years!" I burst out laughing as I say it, and you smile looking at the ring on your finger.

“I even asked your mother to come with me to choose it... even though I knew it was the right one as soon as I saw it. I hope you like it...” 

“She told me about it... and yes, it’s wonderful”, you say, turning to kiss me. 

“You are wonderful”, I say, before I join my lips to yours. I feel you take the glass from my hand and put it on the table before you turn to me again. In a moment your mouth is on mine again, while your hand caresses my neck, my chest... it only stops when it feels my heart is doing overtime.

You open the first button of my shirt and gently rest your lips just below my collarbone. With my hand I go up your back, all the way to the nape of your neck. You bend your head to my movement, follow my fingers caressing you...you seem to be at the total mercy of my simple touch, your eyes half-closed, as if you want to perceive every single stimulus that this contact generates in you. I can't resist, so I take you in my arms and carry you upstairs to your room: I want to practice for when I carry you across the doorstep the day you officially make an honest woman of me.

We slip under the blankets and as soon as our bodies touch each other, it triggers… that transport, that passion, which we can’t control and which makes me feel so helpless… and as you kiss me I find myself thinking that we have struggled so long against our feelings, against ourselves for the simple fact of feeling them… but here we are, while I am making you mine, as you sigh for my name, under the thrust of the pleasure I am giving you. “Jane is everything okay?” You tell me, feeling that all of a sudden I just freeze.

I can't answer you, too caught up in the thoughts running through my head right now, caught up in that subtle feeling of your body touching my skin.

You place your hand on my arm and see the ring. You said yes, you want to spend the rest of your life with me… and that seems too much happiness for one heart. I thought long and hard about the proposal, about how to do it, about finding a way to ask your mother for her blessing… but I never thought about how I would feel afterwards.

I never doubted that your answer would be yes, or rather it never even occurred to me that you might say no. Well luckily, because I probably would’ve panic… which I’m doing now, apparently, but what’s wrong with you, Jane? 

“Hey, I’m here and I’ll be with you for the rest of my life, Jane”, you whisper to me, as if you wanted to chase away the thousand thoughts in my mind, when you realized that my eyes were fixed on the ring.

“Okay, maybe that sounds like a threat” you tell me, making me laugh and dissolving my tension. You’re ready to take this step with me, and if the super-analytical, rational Maura Isles is ready to do it, I have no reason to doubt. I return to dedicate myself totally to you, and we make love, calmly… until our passion permeates the room… until the desire for each other becomes a unique weave with the thin threads of the sheets covering us… until I lose all of myself in you, without there being any more an ’I' or ’you' but simply a 'us’.


	36. Preparation

**Maura POV**

This morning you left before I woke up. I took the day off… I'm going to pick out my wedding dress today. I didn't think the preparations would require such an effort, but you're really giving me all the help you can: I had proposed to contact a wedding planner, but I agreed with you when you said that we could have done without, since we wanted to have a simple ceremony. And so we found ourselves in a race against time. Fortunately, it didn't take any special effort to get permission to get married on the beach on Cape Cod.

I really wanted to get married on the beach... after all, the first time I thought about our future was by the beach, that day in Santa Monica. 

I didn’t dare hope that one day it would actually happen, that you would actually want me to be your wife. I lay here, turning between these sheets, so light, while I touch the folds your body has left on the fabric. The room smells of you, of me, of our love, while I stand here, gazing at the ceiling, dreaming, just enjoying the moment.

I hear voices downstairs, it must be your mother, but I realize she's not alone. My manners dictate that I must make myself presentable, go downstairs and do the honors. I take just a moment, to hug your pillow and breathe in your scent one more time, before my sense of duty finally takes over.

I walk down the stairs and the scene I see leaves me a little perplexed: I never thought to see Hope and Costance chat kindly. My birth mother and the woman who raised me. In the same room. Having civil relations. I had told them that today I would have the dress fitting, but knowing that they are both very busy women and at an anti-intrusiveness safe distance, I never thought they would seriously come to help me with the choice of dress. I should never have pretended to be sorry that I didn’t have them with me today.

Ok, I'm already feeling anxious: each of those two women is able to generate in me a high sense of perennial inadequacy, Constance in primis… ok, I don't know if I'll be able to get through the day still sane. As I greet them, as luck would have it, your mother looks at me and immediately grasps the need I have for caffeine quickly in order to start my day. Or rather to deal with it! I watch them, in silence, like a scholar with his anthropological project, curious to see which bends it will take. In all of this, the fact that your mother is the presence in this room that reassures me… is saying a lot.

  
  
  


**Jane POV**

Korsak and I work at the evidence locker today. It seems like a quiet day. I hear the sound of an incoming call coming from my phone and I imagine it's you wanting to berate me for leaving without waking up. 

\- For years I practically lived without a mother, today I even have 3 at my complete disposal. 

\- Good morning to you too, my love… but, why are you whispering?

\- I'm calling you from the bathroom...they're in the kitchen, talking about train length, bodice type and fabrics. 

\- I told you you didn't need to let them know when you had the dress fitting, but you wouldn't listen.

\- What do I do now, Jane?

\- Arm yourself with patience and face the day. Come on, we know very well that you already know how you want your dress to be… tell the salesgirl as soon as you arrive at the boutique and you'll see that you'll do in a flash! And tell her to limit the number of dresses to try on so the agony will be over soon. You're going to be beautiful anyway 

\- Ah, you're just saying that because you know I can't drag you there with me… okay, I guess I have to go, this is taking too long even considering it’s me. I love you, good job! 

\- Thanks, let me know how it goes. I love you, too, Maura!

I end the call and, for the first time, in my head I see the image of you, in a white dress, on the beach, ready to say yes to me. It takes Korsak a second to wake me up from that daydream. 

"If I were you I'd start to worry that she would convince those 3 women to show up for your dress fitting too," he tells me, laughing it off. 

"Ah, but I don’t have this problem… I already got the dress!" 

I strut my stuff, knowing I avoided what could have been a very, very unpleasant day. You, on the other hand... well, you asked for it. 

“Your mother didn't say anything..." he replies surprised.

"Because I went alone. Problem solved!" 

You're stunned to hear me say that. Oh, yes, I conveniently avoided the problem. It took me exactly 45 minutes, stolen from a lunch break, to choose the perfect dress to marry the perfect woman. You know they're all gonna be looking at her anyway. And who could blame them? 

"One thing I haven't sorted out yet, though, out of the ones I had to do for my part of the preparations," I say mumbling, deliberately in a slightly embarrassed, confused way as I set aside the evidence for a moment.

He looks up at me and the way his glasses rest right on the tip of his nose almost makes me laugh. "I should ask you something...I'd like ytbmbm" I say speeding up the last words. 

"I didn't understand anything you said" “

I said, I’d like yutobembstmn" even worse than before. In fact, his face becomes even more puzzled. 

"Spell it better Jane, I'm not getting it!" 

“I SAID...I'd like you to be my best man" 

His gaze looks like that of a proud father.

He stands up, and straight, as if standing at attention, decisively, despite the emotion his eyes give off, he answers me: 

"It would be an honor Jane" 

I shrug, almost as if to let him know I'd like a hug, and he understands right off the bat. Since my father left for Florida, totally cutting ties with us, I found in Korsak that father figure I needed from time to time. He has always been there, as a partner in service, as a friend...he’s the person I wanted by my sideon the most important day of my life.

  
  


**Maura POV**

I try to follow your advice, in fact as soon as we arrive at the store I take the saleswoman aside, explaining that I actually already had a clear idea of my dress, and that I didn’t intend to make that agony last too long, promising her a big tip if she managed to make me find what I was looking for. She prepares me a roundup of five dresses, all very beautiful, but they don’t convince me... the fabrics, the necklets, nothing seems suitable to me: it just has to be perfect.

I will put up with my 2-mothers-plus-one longer if it helps to find the right dress. The saleswoman is making me a few more outfits as I'm trying to get rid of the last one, which seems to have stuck to my skin. I hear Constance's voice, asking me to come into the dressing room. I tell her to come in, hoping she can help me with my dress. 

"Oh Maura...let me help you." 

Funny, it's not like her to be considerate. And leaving Angela and Hope to come help me.

“The third one wasn’t bad, what do you say?” 

“No, Mom... the fabric...” 

“Maura, I have to ask... are you sure about what you’re doing?” 

She didn’t really ask me that question, please. “What do you mean?” I ask her and I cannot fail to convey a certain acidity in my words. 

“I mean, I was wondering if you are sure you want to marry Jane...” 

“Mom, please. You’re not serious?” 

“Maura doesn’t seem to be talking nonsense... and I don’t say that because she’s a woman, just to be clear, but...”

Obviously that is not the point: almost half of her staff are homosexual and the other half just have to admit it. But if that’s not the case, then I’m not sure where he’s going with this. 

“What kind of life can she offer you, Maura? She is a policewoman, she has come to live in your house, we all know that the income of those who do her job is limited... you have always loved luxury, vices...” 

I’m speechless to hear what he’s saying. 

“Are you worried Jane would marry me for the money? You don’t really think that, I hope.”

"I just wonder what life can she offer you… Maura, you have always dreamed of getting married in Santorini, just to give you an example" 

"I was 12 years old and if that's the case I also dreamed of marrying Edmond Locard… then you grow up and realize that it doesn't matter where and how but who you marry" 

She seems not to understand, I realize that maybe he can't or won't do it. She just doesn't care… like she never really cared about me.

“I won’t force you to stay here, and if you don’t think that’s right, well, I’ll spare you... because you were never there when I really needed it. I got shot, and you didn’t even find time to come see me. I don’t even know why you came here today, in all honesty.” 

“I would still have come to town to do an inspection for an installation”, she replies, as if it were a reason in her defence. She didn’t find time for me...it just happened.

“Well, then I guess I shouldn’t keep you any longer. And you can also free up your agenda for next week’s weekend… I don’t want you at the wedding” “I just warned you… but if that’s what you want, go ahead! It’s your life... don’t come crying to me then”, she tells me as she goes away. I understand that because I hear her saying goodbye to both Hope and Angela. 

“Crying at your place? You were never there when I needed it”, I say to myself, as if thinking it wasn’t enough for me. 

“Maura, are you all right?” It’s Hope calling me from outside the large dressing room.

She knows me so she won’t come in, she stays there on the other side of the curtain, knowing the last thing I need to calm down is to see her. 

“Yes, yes, everything is fine... now passes” It’s amazing how, in spite of everything, my mother is more her than the woman who raised me. 

“Ok... I’ll leave you alone. The saleswoman is bringing you a dress I think you’ll like.” 

“Okay, thank you...mom”, I say to her before I get back to my thoughts. I’m wearing that dress, and as soon as I see myself with it, I know it’s the one.

The fabric is light, like your touch, the texture like I imagined, not to mention the neckline… I don't know if you'll approve because you'll have to be good for a while and avoid leaving me hot sex marks, which could then be embarrassing and hard to cover up. I walk out of the dressing room and feel like I'm wearing this dress as if it is absolutely mine, as if I was meant to choose this one. I look at Hope and your mother looking for approval...Angela in a moment runs to hug me, but stops just before she does: she rightly doesn't want to risk ruining the dress but her opinion seems clear to me.

Without taking anything away from your mother is another opinion that matters to me now… Hope looks at me, with shiny eyes. “You’re wonderful”, she manages to tell me, sitting there with a composure, which in my attentive eyes lets shine the emotion she feels to see me in this dress. I turn to the clerk. 

“Definitely I will buy this one!” 

Another item on the checklist. And the wedding day is coming!


	37. Scent of orange blossoms

**Jane POV**

I keep tossing and turning in the blankets… I can't fall asleep. I regret with all my heart that I went along with you when you proposed to spend the night before the wedding apart, I should have rebelled against this absurd request. The temptation to screw up my good intentions is about a couple of feet away from me, which is the distance to my car keys. I want to grab them and run to you. But I won't, I'll just stand here and be patient. I'd like to take it out on Frankie, who's so willing to put me up in his apartment for the night. How much I wish he'd said no!

Sleep comes and goes, I keep falling asleep and waking up after a while. Until I feel like I won't be able to fall asleep anymore, too caught up in the healthy tension of this big day. I stare up at the ceiling until I see the sun rise through the window and this image finally gives me relief.

  
  


**Maura POV**

Fortunately, my mother is as much of an early riser as I am. I almost couldn't sleep a wink tonight… between the excitement of this big day and not being used to sleeping without you, it was predictable that insomnia would set in. We leave early so we can be sure to get to the hotel well in advance. There’s no traffic and as soon as I see this magnificent place I am surprised that it is even more impressive than it appeared in the photos.

We walk in and walk to the front desk… I wonder if you're already here. Hope and I check in and the kind receptionist gives us our room key. We promised not to see each other until the ceremony, and I'm surprised you went along with me on that. I'm sure it will make everything even more exciting. I arrive in the room, the colors between cream and ivory relaxing me as much as possible. My mother hangs the hanger with the dress on it from the closet and I listen as she slides the zipper of the garment bag.

I look out the window, trusting in the calming power of the waves. I need to take my mind elsewhere right now. The sand is so clear, the greenery surrounding the cove makes this a true piece of paradise. From here I can see the place prepared for our wedding: a nuptial arch adorned with what seems to be a vinca minor, but I am not sure from looking at it from so far away, and here and there on it white roses have been woven; I admire the chairs, and the walkway they have placed between them… to walk the steps that will take me to you, on those neatly placed slat: how I wish it was that moment already!

“Maura... there’s an envelope for you here”, my mother tells me. 

“Oh, it’s going to be a welcome message from the hotel”, I reply as she passes it to me. 

That’s weird, there’s usually the logo of the hotel on these envelopes. I read my handwritten name, and I recognize that handwriting right away. It’s yours. I distinguish it by the way you write the M, which is so sharp compared to the other letters, which are much more rounded, harmonious. 

“It’s not from the hotel... it’s from Jane”, I tell her, worried about what you might have written on the paper I find inside the envelope when I open it.

“I leave you alone”... Hope replies, realizing that this is a way to have a moment of our own before the wedding. 

“No… it says here she wants me to go to the beach to read it... wait here, it won’t take long”, I murmured as I leave the room looking for the fastest way to get to the beach. 

When I arrive, I take off my shoes and socks, I want to feel the sand under my feet and I have to say it’s a wonderful feeling. I am ecstatic by the sound of the sea... ok it will not be the view that there was in Santa Monica, but this place is really wonderful.

I hold these sheets of paper in my hands, afraid I'll find something written on them that I’m not ready to read, that you’re ready for the wedding, or that you've woken up and realized you don't really love me... but I can't stay in doubt. I take a breath, try to let the calm of this perpetual motion of the waves that come and go on the shoreline enter me.

_ Dear Maura,  _

_ First of all, before you start reading what I'm going to write to you, I'd like you to go to the beach. Because it is from here that I am writing to you, sitting in one of these chairs already prepared for our wedding, while admiring the sea. _

I almost feel like I can see you, sitting there, looking at the water... that thoughtful, focused look of yours. Every time I see you like this, I stop and watch your mind travels, with a clear direction to take. I sit on the sand, my body turned to the image of you, writing this letter.

_ I’ve never been a big talker, and I’m afraid I’m gonna mess up doing vows, in front of all those people, but now... now that it’s just you and me, once again, I want to make sure I’m doing things the right way. I still remember our first case together: I had heard that there had been a change in high places in the forensic medicine department of Boston. Some colleagues told me about the notorious “Queen of the Dead”, as charming as Aphrodite and as cold as her scalpel. I couldn’t remember our first meeting in the cafeteria, and neither can you. Good thing considering I was dressed as a prostitute, when I was working undercover with the DEA. _

I remember that first meet... you thought I was a rude snob who wanted to jump the line, but I just wanted to be nice to a girl who reminded me a lot of Vivian from Pretty Woman... in fact, it should’ve suspected me that a prostitute was having breakfast at the police station bar.

_ It was hard to get closer to you, you were impenetrable... only later did I understand why. People up to that point had only disappointed you. And over the years you have given yourself more and more, body and soul, to your work... but in small steps, I managed to break through that fortress you had built around yourself to protect yourself. We became friends, great friends...and then, we became something more. It took us a long time to figure it out, and I regret the time wasted on this every day. _

I’m not sure I can go on reading. It’s true, I feel stupid when I think about it, but the risk of losing the most important person in my life didn’t seem to be worth it. If only I’d known you had the same feelings...

_ But it always makes me want to give you my best… to make up for the time we lost. That's the beauty of you: you love me the way I am, but by being with you, I'm the one who wants to be better. _

I fell in love with the bumbling, clumsy Detective Rizzoli... I wouldn't change a thing about you. Everything you do surprises me, your strength, your drive, your determination... and the sweetness you reserve just for me. And to your family of course, but you're different with me... your eyes betray you every time you look at me.

_ Today is the day that our life begins... it’s the day that I promise to love, protect and honor you for the rest of my life. This is the day that you will make me the happiest woman in the world, by choosing to be by my side. Because there’s nothing I could do without you, and there’s no fear or demon your presence can’t drive away. I can’t imagine a better life than this in all honesty. _

Oh Jane, your words take my heart and wrap it in a strong, warm embrace...and I can almost feel it, feel you here with me. I instinctively take my pendant in my hands… by now it's an unconditional reflex when I'm in a moment of disarming emotion, good or bad. I just hold it and hear the words you had engraved on it repeat like a mantra in my head.

_ Walk those steps, come to my side... marry me, Maura Dorothea Isles. If you'll do this for me, if you'll let me be your wife, I swear I'll always be there for you, in good times and bad, ready to protect you, to help you... to love you.  _

_ Always. Every day as if it were the first.  _

_ Omnia vincit amor, Maura. _

_ With love, Jane. _

I dry my tears, which come down abundantly. Lucky I haven’t put on my makeup yet, otherwise it would have been a real mess! I look at the sea and take one last breath of air. It’s time for me to go get ready. But thank you... thank you for this gift. I hope you can hear that thought of mine coming to you.

  
  


**Jane POV**

You followed my words exactly... you're sitting there on the beach. I can see you through the bedroom window and as far away as you are, I feel you so close. Okay, so it wasn't premeditated, putting me here like a stalker for observation... but as soon as I saw you coming down the short stairs from the hotel to the little bay, I couldn't resist. 

“Jane, are you here? It's time for you to start getting ready… c’mon! You don't want to be late on the day you have to get married!"

Imagine if my mother with her usual calmness could not interrupt what was the gift I wanted to give us of a moment that was somehow just ours.

But I like the way she takes care of me: she helps me with my make-up, which is light, mostly to cover the signs of the sleepless night I had; she fixes my hair, gathering it up and leaving my neck uncovered. 

“So Jane, can we finally reveal what's hidden inside the garment bag?" Frankie asks, all too curious about the dress I've chosen. I've kept absolute secrecy from everyone. I picked it up last night at the store so I wouldn't leave it at my brother's house for too long, thus reducing the chances of my mom ruining the surprise effect for me to zero.

"Don't you dare! Okay Mom, if you're done with your hair, get out so I can change. Wait out here, as soon as I put it on I'll call you" 

And this is the gift for me… a moment of my own, this moment. I open the case and run my hand over this gorgeous dress… I hardly ever admit it, but when I was a little girl I dreamed, like all little girls my age, of my wedding day, and I dreamed of wearing exactly a dress like this. So when I saw it in the window of that store, I didn't even hesitate.

I walked into the store, tried it on, the saleswoman took measurements to make a couple of adjustments, and I bought it. 

Spared no expense, not for this day, not for the dress I had always dreamed of. I caress it, while it is still attached to the hanger: the boat neckline, discreet, partially covering the shoulders; the bodice with a lace weave, like the sleeves, with simple designs that make my fingers jerk as I pass over them; and then the fabric that goes down soft, straight, without many frills.

I put it on, and when I just have to close my zipper completely, I let my mother and brother back in. As soon as they enter, my mom starts sobbing, and my brother looks like he only realised now that his sister’s getting married. 

“Jane...wow, you’re beautiful”, she smiles at me. He’s got shiny eyes, too. Maybe because he didn’t think this day would come sooner or later. 

“Ok ok ok don’t cry please because otherwise I’ll start too and I can’t because it means I’ll drool my makeup and be late… so let’s get ourselves together, please!”

We watch the clock. It’s almost time to go. 

“Hey Frankie... since Dad’s not here and if God wills, Mom will have a chance to do it with you... I’d like you to walk me down the aisle, if you can say so...” 

He hugs me, but my mother yells at him right away to make him realize that he risks ruining my dress, makeup and wig all at once. 

I look at him and I realize I’ve never seen him so excited before.

“It would be an honor, Jane.”


End file.
